


Finding Solace

by chaosgroupie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-04-08 12:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 61,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19107136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosgroupie/pseuds/chaosgroupie
Summary: Katerina is a HYDRA agent, of a sort. She is sent to certain death when they drop her in front of Stark Tower without any weapons or backup, just a mission. Can she overcome her training to make her life better?This is an AU, but it starts pre-Bucky being a part of the group.I apologize for any mistakes in the Romanian. I am getting them straight from an online translator, I do not speak Romanian.





	1. Chapter 1

A slap to the face brought me back to consciousness. The face glaring down at me was familiar, but I couldn't place him. The only information I had was my mission, nothing else. "Do you remember what you are supposed to do?" I nodded, "Good."

The van door opened and the guy grinned at me, "Now, boys." They shoved me out the door and pulled away, tires screeching.

People walked past me, muttering, looking away so they didn’t have to help. It probably had something to do with the fact that I was naked. Or maybe that I was covered in cuts, bruises, and welts.

I forced myself to stand and walk toward the large glass doors at the front of the building. The glass was etched with Stark Industries, so I knew I was in the right place. I pushed the door open and walked inside, slowly. I was in enough pain that walking was difficult.

Several guards came toward me slowly, hands on their guns. One put up his hand, "Ma'am, I need you to stop." I kept trudging forward. He drew his gun, but kept it pointed at the floor, "Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist you stop."

A strong voice from behind him said, "She's unarmed."

"Sorry, Captain, company policy." The guard sounded a tad sheepish, "Orders from Mr. Stark, you will have to take it up with him."

My vision began to blacken as I stopped walking, causing me to sway. This wasn't in the plan. I raised my arm and managed to say, "Help," before falling. A pair of strong arms caught me before I hit the floor. Blue eyes stared down at me as I fell into oblivion.

I came to under a blanket on a hard mattress. When I tried to move, I realized I was strapped to the bed. My hands were strapped down, as well as my shoulders and ankles. Groaning, I opened my eyes and saw that I was in some kind of laboratory or medical bay. Several people were standing around talking. One guy, with salt and pepper hair, was wearing a lab coat talking calmly. Another with a goatee was waving his hands around angrily. The redhead next to him just stared at me, her mouth thinning when she realized I was awake.

"Guys," her voice was slightly gravelly. 

They ignored her, continuing to argue. The blonde next to her noticed I was awake as well. His eyes narrowed at me as he crossed his arms over his chest. He and the redhead started looking at each other, talking with their hands.

She frowned again, this time speaking louder, "Hey, asshats, she's awake."

Silence. They turned to look at me. Lab coat came over to the bed and reached for my wrist. I growled, trying to move my hand away. His eyebrow raised, but he didn't reach for me again, "My name's Bruce. What's your name?"

"Fuck that, Banner," goatee sounded angry. "Ask her why she had 'for the Avengers' written in sharpie on her stomach."

My stomach clenched and I pulled against the straps again. I just wanted off the table. As I pulled, I knew that I could break through, but I was unsure of the strengths of the people surrounding me. Staying strapped in was the best way to get them to underestimate me. I turned my head to the side, not wanting to look at them anymore. Blue eyes was sitting in a chair next to the bed. He just looked at me, expressionless. As the others started arguing again, I just looked in his eyes, trying to hide my fear.

"Let me at her, I'll make her talk," the redhead's voice was vicious. Still, I stared at blue eyes.

"Nat," Bruce's voice was soft. "We don't know where she's from, or why she is here. Carving her open will just make things worse. She's already injured."

"Don't...fucking...care."

"But I do."

She sighed, "Sometimes, I like the green guy better."

"Well, I'm not sleeping with you, Bruce. I'll get her to talk," goatee was getting angrier. "This is my building, I'm not having an unknown threat in here to…"

Blue eyes stood and yelled, "Enough!" His hands clenched into fists tight enough that his knuckles were turning white, "Everyone out except Bruce. Don't look at me like that, Tony. You guys are scaring her." I laughed internally. These guys were not scary in the slightest. My fear was from failing my mission, not them.

He crouched down in front of me, eyes at my level as footsteps left the room. Once they were gone he smiled at me. I couldn't tell if he was just trying to placate me, or if it was a real smile.

Bruce cleared his throat and I turned my head, "Can you answer some questions now?" I just stared, expression blank, "What's your name?" Silence, "Why did you come to Stark Tower?" I still didn't say anything, "Do you know why there was writing on your stomach?"

When he sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, blue eyes said, "Let me try." I looked back to him, "What's your name?"

"Don't... remember," I managed to croak out.

"Why are you at Stark Tower?"

"Can't," I tried to put into words why I was there, but they wouldn't come out. Internally, I was screaming. But my outward appearance was calm.

He acknowledged my answer and moved on, "Do you know why there was writing on your stomach?" I just shook my head, not knowing if I could say anything.

I turned back to Bruce, "Tracker." He looked at me, curious. I tried again to lift my arm before I remembered it was restrained. I pulled as hard as I could and the restraint ripped from the bed.

Bruce went to grab my arm and I growled. Both he and blue eyes stopped moving toward me when I didn't free my other hand. After several tense seconds, they backed up. I pulled down the sheet, not caring that I was still naked. I tapped my left hip, "Tracker."

"Oh," Bruce moved over toward me, slowly. "May I touch you?" I nodded and raised my arm above my head, giving him access. He ran his fingers lightly over my skin, then looked at blue eyes, "Steve, I can feel something under her skin."

Finally, blue eyes had a name. A name I recognized. I turned to look at him, but his eyes were focused on Bruce and not my naked body. My voice came out soft and confused, "Steve?"

His eyes snapped down to mine, "Yes, ma'am. Steve Rogers."

I smiled, "Steve." I knew that name. I couldn't remember where, or how I knew it, but it elicited only good feelings when I said it.

"I'm going to have to put you under to take it out," Bruce said.

My head snapped back over to him, "No!"

"It will be too painful if…"

I said it again, stronger this time, "No."

"I won't take it out if you are awake," he shook his head. "I won't torture you."

I looked back to Steve, "Please." My voice pleaded with him, "Steve."

"Bruce, can you numb just her hip?"

"No. I'm not a doctor. Well, not that kind of doctor, anyway. I don't know how to do that. I could hurt her more."

"Steve," my voice broke. "Please."

He sighed, "Just do it, Bruce." He held out his hand, "You can squeeze my hand if it gets too painful." I moved my left hand over my chest to grab his, holding on tight.

"Steve…"

"No, Bruce. This is my call."

Bruce sighed again, "Fine." Some noise and then his hands were on my hip, "This is going to hurt."

I kept staring into Steve's eyes as Bruce began to cut. I hissed as the blade cut into my skin, but I didn't move an inch. Nor did I grip Steve's hand any tighter. He looked at me, awed. After a couple of minutes, Bruce moved away from my hip and dropped the tracker into a dish. It made a metallic pinging noise. 

Then he was back, stitching me up. I have had worse pain, but I didn't let go of Steve's hand. There was something about him that made me calm. Once Bruce taped a piece of gauze over the cut, I released his hand and turned back. 

I tugged lightly at the other restraint and gave Bruce a look. He chuckled, "Not up to me. I know you can get out of it, but please don't. Then there will be armed guards rushing in and the green guy doesn't like that."

"Green?" I sounded confused because I was. I had no idea what they were talking about.

"Nevermind."

A voice came over the speaker. It was Tony, "She needs to go to lockup. We can't have her running around if she can break through restraints."

"Tony," Steve's voice was low.

"No, Cap. This is my call. I let you kick me out of the lab, but she is NOT running around the tower free. At least not until we know where she's from."

"Steve," I said firmly. I tried to convey that it was fine through my eyes. 

He must have understood because he nodded. Instead of waiting, Steve began to unstrap me. Bruce brought over a pair of sweats and a shirt that were several sizes too big. They must have been meant for one of the guys.

After Steve finished unstrapping me, I climbed off the bed and fell to the floor. Steve caught me, helping me stand up. He helped me put on the clothes. With an arm around my waist, he led me out of the infirmary.

"Steve," Nat gave him a look.

"Tasha, she won't hurt me. She can barely stand on her own right now, let alone attack me."

"You don't know that," her arms crossed and she scowled.

"Steve," my voice was soft. He looked down at me, "No."

He sighed, "Let's just take her to lockup, Tasha. I don't have the energy to deal with this right now. It's been a long day."

They led me down the elevator to another floor. Behind a locked door, there was a glass cell against a concrete wall. The floor and back wall was concrete. The other three sides, as well as the top, were glass.

Inside, there was a metal bed with a pad on top of it and a toilet, that was it. Tony put his hand on the sensor and the door opened slowly. He gestured for Steve to help me in. 

It was slow going, but Steve walked me over to the bed and helped me sit. He crouched in front of me, "Ma'am, do you need anything?" I shook my head.

He left the cell and the door shut. Steve gave me one last look before leaving with the others. Tony had stayed behind, staring at me. His voice was low and dangerous, "I don't know who you are or why you're here, but I will not let you hurt my family."

I stood and walked over to the glass where he was standing. Nodding, I placed a hand on the glass. He just looked at me and left.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as I was alone, I sat back down and pulled up the shirt. They were right, someone had written on my stomach, but I'm not sure why. The Avengers. It sounded familiar, but I couldn’t figure it out. Just like everything else I tried to remember.

Words were on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't speak them. I sat for what seemed like hours, staring at the walls. I could see the red light of the cameras watching me. Not wanting to be observed anymore, I stood and tipped the bed on its side, creating a V with it and the mattress. I sank down behind them and couldn't see the cameras anymore, finally being able to relax.

As I sat there, I started to think about what had happened to me. Flashes of being held down by metal bands, needles, and pain were all I could see. The guy who kicked me out if the van was there too, laughing. I felt myself start to panic. My breath came fast and shallow. I knew I needed to calm, but I couldn't force myself to slow my breathing. So instead, I focused on the bed.

Under the frame were metal screws holding the legs on. I started working at unscrewing one. It took a long while, but I finally did it.

A robotic British voice came over the speakers, "Ma'am, what are you doing?"

I stood, palming the screw. I walked over to the glass and grabbed the screw, pressing it hard against my skin. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to insist you stop or I will have to call Mr. Stark."

I ignored the voice, dragging the screw along my forearm until I began to bleed. Taking two fingers, I put them in the blood and wrote on the glass  _ ajută-mă _ . I looked at the camera and said, "Steve."

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but Captain Rogers is asleep. I've paged Mr. Stark and he is on his way down."

I slapped my bloody hand on the glass and said more forcefully, "Steve!"

"Ma'am, Steve has been called. He will be down shortly." I swayed, "You should put your hand on that wound so you don't bleed out."

I did as he said and walked back over to the bed. One of the legs of the bed was loose, so I stayed near it. Tony rushed in with an armed guard behind him. He opened the cell and they both entered.

When Tony reached out to me, I growled, "Steve!"

"Sorry, you get me." He gestured to the guard, "Subdue her."

A switch flipped in my brain. I lifted my leg, bringing my foot down to knock the leg off the bed. As the guard came, I picked it up and swung, hitting the guard in the head and knocking him out cold. Tony's eyes went wide and we started to circle one another, "Sorry, sweetheart, but you don't scare me."

I swung the leg as hard as I could at Tony and a shield suddenly appeared in front of me, blocking my strike. Steve was behind the shield, blocking me from my target. The leg fell from my hand and I swayed. Blood dripped from my arm to the floor, "Steve."

He glowered at me, "Ma'am, you can't…"

"Steve," I felt faint and he must have realized it because he handed the shield to Tony. I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, holding on tightly.

His hands rested on my back. Nat must have come down too because she said softly, "Steve, she's asking for help."

"What did you mean?"

"Ajută-mă means help me in Romanian," she said. Nat walked in and close to us. I buried my face in Steve's chest, "Ești român ( _ Are you Romanian _ )? Vorbești limba română ( _ Do you speak Romanian _ )?"

I shrugged but still didn't look at her. Tony swore, "Fuck. How did she break the bed? She can’t be that strong."

"Tony, she broke out of the restraints. Those are enough to hold most grown men we work with. Not an enhanced, but the normal soldiers." Steve kept rubbing my back, "We need to get her to Bruce. I'm pretty sure her arm needs to be stitched. I can feel the blood soaking my shirt."

I stepped out of his arms and looked at my arm. He was right, it was bleeding fairly heavily. I just watched as the blood dropped to the floor. My vision started to blur and I swayed again. Steve picked me up in his arms, "Get Bruce to the infirmary." He started jogging to the elevator. 

I clamped my hand down on my arm, trying to stop the flow of blood. Nat joined us, "JARVIS, infirmary please."

"Yes, Miss Romanov."

Within minutes I was back on the bed, unrestrained this time. Bruce came in looking tired and irritated, "What is it this time?" I let go of my arm and it started bleeding heavily again. He sighed, "How did you manage that?"

Nat walked over to him and placed a soft hand on his back. She smiled at him, "She was asking for help. I know what it's like to need help and feel like you have no place to turn."

"Natasha, honey," he looked at her. "We don't know…"

She placed a finger on his lips, "Just stitch her up."

As he did, without numbing me, she turned to me. The smile fell from her face, "Who are you?" I shrugged and she tried again in Romanian, "Cine eşti?” I understood what she was saying, in both English and Romanian, but I couldn’t respond. She tried another question, “Who do you work for? Pentru cine lucrezi?"

I grimaced. I knew exactly who I worked for, I just couldn't say it. When the needle punctured my skin just right, the pain cleared my thoughts and I gasped. Bruce stilled. I grabbed the needle out of his hand and jabbed it into my skin, hard, "HYDRA."

Her eyes narrowed, "You work for HYDRA?"

"Yes." I frowned, "No."

"Which is it? Yes or no?" Her voice was tough, but I don't scare easily.

Bruce had grabbed the needle so I couldn't jab myself again. He was finishing stitching me up. I looked at Steve, whose expression was unreadable, "Steve."

He didn't say anything. I sighed and looked back to Nat, “Pain.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, “Pain helps clear your thoughts?” I nodded, “Bruce, maybe we can…”

“No, Natasha. This is a place of healing, not pain.” He placed a hand on her arm, “Not here.”

“Steve,” I pleaded with him to go back to the way we were before. His face was blank and I wanted to cry. He was the only one I felt I could relate to, and he was giving me the cold shoulder. I turned back to Natasha, thinking that maybe she would listen, “Pain.”

“I can’t. Bruce is right.” Gauze was taped over my wound and she sighed. Suddenly, her face brightened, “Maybe we just need to ask the right question. Just nod, yes or no. Can you do that?” I nodded, “Good. Do you work for HYDRA?” I stared at her, not doing either. “Are you a HYDRA agent?”

I sighed, nodding, then shaking my head. Natasha was starting to look frustrated. Steve spoke, his voice flat, “Are you a willing participant in HYDRA?” 

I shook my head vehemently, looking back at him. My eyes were pleading with him to believe me. I said softly, “Steve.”

Finally, he looked less cold toward me. Natasha touched my hand briefly so I would look her way, “Do you know who you are?” I shook my head. “Have you been experimented on?” I shrugged, then thought for a second before nodding. “Bruce, take some blood from her. We need to see if she has been modified. Someone who is thirty pounds underweight shouldn’t have been able to break the restraints when a normal sized man wouldn’t be able to.”

He brought over a needle and I held out my arm, willingly letting him take my blood. She started again, “Do you have a reason for coming here?” I nodded. “Do you know what your mission is?” I nodded again. “Can you tell me?” I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I shook my head. “Are you here to kill someone?” I nodded, looking down to the ground. “Who?”

I pointed to her, then to Bruce, then to Steve, then waved my hand around. “You’re here to kill all of us?” Nodding, I kept my chin down. Her hand touched me briefly again and I looked up. She had a grin on her face that told me she thought it was funny, “Then how come you haven’t tried to kill any of us?”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I lifted my right hand and dug my fingers into my wound, “Mistake.”

“Your mistake, or HYDRA’s?”

“HYDRA.” I started seeing spots from the blood loss and pain so I removed my hand and lifted my shirt. Pointing to my bruises and cuts, “Pain.”

“Pain cleared your mind enough to override your programming,” Bruce looked amazed. “I didn’t think there was a way to override HYDRA programming like that.” I shook my head, “Then how are you doing it.”

One more time, I dug my fingers into my arm and groaned as the pain overwhelmed me. Steve grabbed my arm, “Enough. We can ask these questions tomorrow.”

I didn’t let up. “No...Steve...Please.” He removed his hand, “I’m...failure...Sent to...die. Send...message.” Finally, I removed my hand and fell back, only Steve’s chest keeping me from falling on the ground.

Bruce grabbed my injured arm and took the blood-soaked gauze off. He tsked, “You opened some of your stitches.” He fixed them and put a new gauze on, “I guess Tony will want to take you back to the cell.”

“No.” I lifted my head to look at Steve, “Please.”

“Nat, do you think it would be safe to have her stay with me? I can have JARVIS not open the door for anyone unless I am dead.” He looked down at me briefly, “Honestly, she is injured and in pain. She is light enough that I could hold her down if need be. I don’t think she will be a threat tonight.”

“We don’t know if she’s stronger than you, Steve.” Natasha was trying to be diplomatic, “Will you be able to subdue her if she attacks? I know how you feel about hitting women.”

“I will do what it takes.” He didn’t sound convincing, but Natasha just smiled. “I’ll take her to my room. Tell Tony, will you? I just don’t want her to be alone.” His hand was warm on my shoulder, “She hasn’t done anything to warrant being in a cell.”

“Except hitting the guard and knocking him out,” Bruce interjected.

“He attacked first,” Natasha grinned at me. “I think I like her. She tried to hurt Tony, so she’s alright in my books.” Her expression turned serious, “Steve, I think it will be fine. Just don’t sleep with her.”

I was looking at him when I saw his entire face turn red, “I...I...I would never.”

She laughed, “I know, Steve. I’m just messing with you.”

Steve picked me up in his arms again, “Thanks, Nat.”

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being placed on a soft bed. Steve sat down next to where he laid me down, “You should probably change out of those clothes. They’re covered in blood.” I lifted the shirt over my head and he turned away, “Let me go get you something to wear.”

He stood and went to his dresser, coming back with a very large t-shirt. He helped me slide it over my head, then I took off the sweatpants. “My sweats won’t fit you. You are tiny compared to me, especially since you are so skinny. You are even smaller than Natasha. But the shirt will cover all the important bits.”

Since he was sitting next to me, I reached up and cupped his cheek. My voice was soft and thankful, “Steve.”

“You’re welcome,” he gave me a genuine smile. “I will be on the couch if you need me.” I frowned, “Sorry, ma’am, it wouldn’t be right of me to stay in here. But just call out if you need me. I’ll leave the door open.” He tucked me into the bed and I closed my eyes, “Sweet dreams.”


	3. Chapter 3

_Metal bars surrounded me. The bed I sat on, hard and uncomfortable. I looked over and saw blue eyes staring at me. Dark shaggy hair obscured some of his face, but when he spoke I knew exactly who he was, “Iubita, vor încerca să te rupă (_ Sweetheart, they will try to break you _).”_

_“Let them,” my voice was cocky and self-assured. “They’ve been trying to break me for months now, it hasn’t worked.”_

_“Te vor rupe, și când o vor face, vor râde_ They will break you, and when they do, they will laugh _).” His voice broke, “Mi-au făcut-o (_ They did to me _).”_

 _I reached through the bars and held out my hand. When he stuck his metal arm through the bars so our hands could touch, I interlaced my fingers with his, “Nu-i voi lăsa să._ _Sunt mai puternic decât acești imbecili_ (I won't let them. I am stronger than these imbeciles) _.”_

_He smiled slightly, “Iubita, sper că ai dreptate (Sweetheart, I hope you are right).” He sighed, “They may not be able to break you physically, but they will try to break your spirit. Iubita, they will win. I know you don’t want to admit it, but it will happen.”_

_“Bucky…”_

_“No, you know I’m right.”_

_I sighed, “I know. I’m just trying to be strong.”_

_“Iubita, ești cea mai puternică femeie pe care o cunosc (_ You are the strongest woman I know _).”_

_“Bucky,” I squeezed his hand. “Tell me a story. From before the war. Tell me about your best friend, Steve.”_

_“Steve,” he laughed. “Steve Rogers was a puny kid, sickly. But he never let that hold him down. I swear that kid would pick fights left and right just to show them that he wouldn’t back down. He would always say to them, ‘I can do this all day,’ no matter how hard they hit. He was my best friend, and I loved him.”_

_“Did you guys ever…?”_

_“No,” he shook his head sadly._

_“Did you ever want…”_

_He gave me a look that silenced the question, “It wouldn’t have mattered if I did. Back then, that kind of thing was frowned upon.” He squeezed my hand one more time before pulling away, “Besides, I loved the ladies. And the ladies loved me. After Steve became Captain America, it was different. He was everything he’d always wanted to be, all wrapped up in the body of a man who doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. Steve Rogers is the best man I’ve ever known. The best man I’ve ever met.”_

_“Have you ever thought…”_

_We stopped talking as footsteps approached. One of the guards looked at us and sneered, whacking his nightstick into the bars, “Soldier, you are up.” We both knew what that meant. Torture to get him to comply with being in the chair. The chair that would put the programming in his brain. Bucky stood and walked over to the door, standing far enough away that the guard wouldn’t be jumpy, “Don’t try anything, Barnes. You know that he doesn’t like it when you do.”_

_Bucky put his hands behind his back, “Don’t worry, I know the rules.” He turned to face away from them._

_The door opened and they cuffed him, before dragging him out of the cell and pushing him down the corridor. I stood and ran to the edge of my cage, screaming, “Bucky...no.” The guard turned and laughed at me. I yelled, “Bucky, te iubesc (_ I love you _).” They hit him in the back hard with the nightstick and he fell to the ground. I collapsed onto the floor, screaming and crying, “Bucky...Bucky.”_

Something was shaking me awake. My eyes flew open and I punched the dark object above me, hard. The man grunted and fell back, wiping at his mouth. “You pack a mean punch.” It was Steve.

“Steve,” my voice was soft. I reached out and touched the corner of his mouth, my own turning into a frown.

“Don’t worry, I’ve had worse.” He reached over and turned on the light, “I woke you because you were screaming in your sleep.” His eyebrows furrowed, “Why were you screaming Bucky?”

I wanted to tell him, desperately. The dream had brought back memories that I had thought buried underneath HYDRA programming and brainwashing. But I couldn’t make the words leave my mouth. I held up my uninjured arm, “Pain.”

“No, ma’am. I’m not going to let you injure yourself again.” I reached to dig my fingers into my cut and he grabbed my hand, “No.”

“Please,” my voice broke. I grabbed his hand and wrapped it around my uninjured forearm, “Pain.” I squeezed his hand to indicate what I wanted.

His eyes narrowed, “I can’t hurt you on purpose, ma’am.”

“Pain,” I was adamant. “Please.”

Eyes closed, he took a deep breath. When he opened them again, I could tell that even though he didn’t want to, he would. “Alright, I’ll do it. But stop me if it gets too bad.” I nodded and he started squeezing.

Even though it hurt and would leave a bruise, it wasn’t enough. I touched his hand, “Please.” He swallowed and put enough strength into squeezing my arm that I could see his biceps harden. The pain instantly cleared my thoughts and I groaned. “Bucky is...alive.”

“Bucky has been dead since 1945.”

“No,” I cupped his face with my other hand, “Bucky...alive...HYDRA has…” I swallowed down the nausea that came with the pain, “Bucky is...Winter Soldier...Enhanced...Serum...Alive.” The words came out jumbled, but by Steve’s wide-eyed expression, I knew he understood. “Same...me...Broken...Pain...Torture… Soldier.” I groaned and had to force myself not to cry, “Know...Bucky...friend...Steve.”

Suddenly, he released my arm and I started to cry, holding it against my chest. He grabbed it again, gently this time, tracing over the reddish purple marks on my skin, “Dammit, you should have stopped me.”

“Steve,” I lifted his chin to look at me. “No.”

“I know, pain clears your head.” His eyes were full of tears, “Is Bucky really alive?” I nodded. “Truly?” Tears started rolling down his cheeks and I pulled him against me, letting him cry onto my shoulder. I knew the story of how Bucky had fallen off the train and lost his arm. We had spent countless hours and days together when they were training and breaking us.

When Steve stopped sobbing, he sat up and rubbed at his eyes, “It’s too early right now, but we’ll need to tell everyone this tomorrow.”

I thought of something else that I needed to tell him. I grabbed his hand and put it back on my arm, “Pain...please.”

“Sweetheart,” the endearment slipped from his lips unbidden. I smiled and he flushed, “I can’t hurt you again.”

“Please...Pain.” His eyes went dark but he did as I asked, closing his hand down on the same spot. It didn’t take as long this time before the pain had spots flashing across my vision, “HYDRA...did something...brain… Can’t...Jumbled.” I touched the base of my skull, “Implant.”

He released my arm, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.” He rubbed the spot that was already bruising, “I don’t hurt women.” He looked into my eyes, “But if I understand what you’re saying. You are saying that HYDRA put something in your brain that is controlling your ability to communicate and think.” I nodded, giving him a huge smile, “Alright, we’ll add that to the list of things we need to tell everyone in the morning. But right now, you need to go back to sleep.”

Laying me back, he tucked me in again. I grabbed his hand and spoke softly, “Steve.”

“I can’t stay.”

“Please,” I knew my voice was pleading. But I didn’t want to have another nightmare.

He sighed, “Fine.” He laid down and I curled against his side, wrapping my arm over his chest, “Goodnight, sweetheart.”


	4. Chapter 4

The rest of the night passed by uneventfully. If I dreamed, I did not remember them. I was curled up on my side, a warmth at my back with a heavy weight on my stomach. Opening my eyes, I saw a muscular arm wrapped around my torso, holding me close. The previous night came rushing back.

I tried to pull away, but the arm pulled me close again and he groaned. Forcefully, I turned so I could face him. Steve’s eyes were wide open, a small smile on his face. I reached up and touched the yellowing bruise on his mouth, “Steve.”

“Good morning.” He pulled back slightly and grabbed my arm,  frowning when he saw the dark hand shaped bruise on my forearm. Frowning, he rubbed it absently, “I’m sorry.”

“Steve,” I tried to convey that it was fine. After all, I had asked him to hurt me.

“No, I shouldn’t have done it.” Steve sat up and pressed a button on the nightstand.

“Good morning, Captain Rogers,” JARVIS said. “How can I help you?”

“Can you please ask Natasha to bring some clothes up for our guest?”

A few seconds went by, “Miss Romanov is on her way. The rest of the Avengers are sitting down for breakfast shortly. Shall I tell them you and our guest will be joining them?”

“Yes, thank you.”

There was a knock at the apartment door, then footsteps headed our way. Natasha stood at the door to the bedroom, looking at the two of us in bed together. Her eyebrows rose and Steve flushed, “How did you get in Nat?”

“You know I can’t give away my secrets.” She grinned, “I thought I told you not to sleep with her.”

Steve flushed and stood, and I was finally able to see what he was wearing. A pair of sweatpants, low on his hips, and a tight white t-shirt that did nothing to hide his muscles. He grabbed the clothes from Natasha before herding her out of the room, “Thanks, Nat. We’ll see you at breakfast.”

Once the front door was shut, he came back and handed me the clothes, then grabbed some for himself. He pointed toward a door, “Bathroom’s right there. You can change in there if you would like.” I just shrugged and stood, reaching for the hem of the shirt. One thing about HYDRA, you lose out on any sense of modesty you may have possessed. He looked away, flushed, then went into the bathroom.

Natasha had brought me a pair of black leggings and a loose black tank top, no underwear. Sharing those would have been weird anyway. I sat on the edge of the bed to wait for Steve. As I did, I finger combed my hair, then tied it into a knot at the nape of my neck. Having waist length hair was good for two things. Seducing men and not needing a hair tie. A few minutes passed and Steve came out, looking fresh and put together. He put on some boots then led me to the dining room.

Everyone I had met before was there, sitting down and talking. There were a couple of others that I didn’t recognize, but they didn’t spare me a second glance. Steve cleared his throat, “She remembered something.” The table quieted as they all looked to us. He smiled, “Bu…” I grabbed his arm, stopping him. I tapped the base of my skull, indicating that I wanted to talk about that first. He frowned, “But, they need to know about…” I stopped him again and glowered.

I felt someone creeping up behind me. When they touched my wrist, I spun, moving so I was behind them and thrust their arm up high. Another couple of inches and I would dislocate their shoulder. When I saw it was Tony, and that everyone at the table had stood, I released his arm. He rubbed his shoulder, “Alright, no sneaking up on you. Got it.” He sat down and winced.

I held my arm up to Steve, “Pain.” If he wasn’t going to tell them, I needed to. I heard a couple of gasps when they saw the vicious bruise on my arm.

“No,” he was adamant. I frowned, “I’m not doing that again. It was bad enough you made me do it the first time.” He looked away and I sighed.

I walked over to Natasha. She grabbed my arm and touched the bruise, “Sorry, I’m not that strong.” She reached down and brought up a knife, “But this…”

Several people started talking at once. Saying no. That I couldn’t have a blade because I was dangerous. Natasha waited until they were silent, then laughed, “Boys, she's stronger than most of you. Giving her a knife doesn’t make her more dangerous. She looked at Clint, “Would you say I’m more dangerous with, or without, a knife?”

He relaxed and grinned, “Trick question. You would be dangerous with a plastic spoon. But if I didn’t know you, I would say without. Because then I would underestimate you.”

“My point exactly.” She handed me the knife, “Don’t make me regret this.”

I looked at Bruce, making sure he was paying attention. Pressing the knife into my skin, hard enough to cut through the first few layers of tissue. Holding it in place, blood began to well, dripping down my arm, “Bruce… HYDRA put...implant…”

Steve grabbed my hand and pulled the knife away. “Fine, you win.” I clamped my hand down on the cut, “HYDRA put a device at the base of her skull to control her. It interferes with her ability to focus and communicate.”

Bruce stood and walked over to me, “May I?” I nodded and turned my back to him. He pressed at the skin around my neck, “I don’t feel anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. I’m assuming you want it out.” I nodded again, “We may not be able to. The brainstem is a very sensitive area. One wrong move and you could be a vegetable, or worse, dead.”

I turned and looked him in the eye, “Please.” He seemed unsure, so I dug my fingers into the cut and hissed at the pain, “Please...would...rather die.”

“She’s right, Bruce.” Natasha stood and joined us. She grabbed my arm and wrapped a cloth around the cut, “If I understand her correctly, the way they’ve programmed her is no way to live.”

“I won’t be responsible for her death.”

She gently touched his cheek, “A slow death is worse. I would know.”

Bruce sighed. “Fine. But if I’m operating you have to wait to eat. And I’m knocking you out for it.” My eyes narrowed, “This is not up for negotiation. I will not do it without you being unconscious. It’s too dangerous.”

I nodded and turned, “Steve.” My voice was soft and pleading, “Please.”

“Come on,” he put a hand on my back and led me back to the elevator.

Bruce and Natasha joined us. When Tony tried to get on, I growled. Nat laughed, “She doesn’t like you, Tony. We’ll let you know how it goes.”

“We need her calm for this,” Bruce added. “You will mess that up.”

Tony held up his hands and stepped back. As the doors closed, he said, “I can tell when I’m not wanted.”

In the infirmary, Bruce took an image of my neck. He looked unhappy when he saw where the device was. To his credit, he was still willing to operate. He had me lay on my stomach. Steve held my hand as he put me under.

I woke on my back. My head and neck were killing me, as were both my arms. I was held down again, this time by handcuffs. A tall black man with an eyepatch stood at the foot of my bed. “Ah, you’re awake.” I pulled at the handcuffs, “I heard how you broke the restraints before. Captain Rogers assures me these will hold you.”

I looked over at Steve who gave me a look saying to not make him a liar. The man spoke again, “My name is Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD.” He waited for me, but I just glared at him, “They said the removal of the device would make you cooperative.

“Actually…” Bruce started.

I interrupted, “Natasha.”

She walked over, looking between me and Fury, “How can I help?”

“De ce sunt imobilizat ( _Why am I restrained_ )?”

“What language is that, Miss Romanov?” Fury sounded irritated.

“Romanian, sir.”

“Can you translate?”

“Yes, sir.” Natasha had a devious look on her face, but translated my words for him, “She is asking why she is restrained.”

“Because you are a danger.”

I laughed, I couldn’t help it. “Într-o clădire plină de gărzi înarmați, precum și de Avengers, crezi că aș putea face orice ( _In a building full of armed guards, as well as the Avengers, you think I could do anything_ )?” Natasha translated, “De ce aș face-o ( _Why would I_ )?”

“Poți să spargi astea ( _Can you break out of those_ )?” Natasha asked me.

“Da. Ar durea, care este singurul motiv pentru care nu. De asemenea, nu-l voi răni pe Steve făcându-l mincinos. ( _Yes. It would hurt, which is the only reason I do not. Also, I won't hurt Steve by making him a liar._ )”

“What did she say?”

“More of the same, sir,” Natasha had a twinkle in her eye and she winked at me.

“I heard Steve's name, so I'm not sure I believe that. But I have more important things to discuss. Ask her why she was sent here.”

“Te înțeleg foarte bine. Româna este doar mai ușor de accesat chiar acum. ( _I understand you just fine. Romanian is just easier to access right now._ )” I waited, “Sunt aici să-i omor pe Avengers ( _I am here to kill the Avengers_ ).”

“And you are insulted I locked you up,” Fury glowered at me, his arms crossed across his chest.

“M-ai întrebat de ce am fost trimisă aici. Nu m-ai întrebat dacă o voi face. ( _You asked why I was sent here. You didn't ask if I was going to do it._ )”

Steve started moving toward us. I locked eyes with him and shook my head, ever so slightly. Turning back to Fury, I grinned, “Chiar crezi că mă sperii? Am fost rupt de HYDRA. Am fost bătut, torturat, violat, și l-am avut pe omul la care țin, torturat în fața mea. Nu mă sperii. ( _Do you really think you scare me?_ _I've been broken by HYDRA. I've been beaten, tortured, raped, and had the man I care for tortured in front of me. You do not scare me._ )”

Steve blanched when he heard that I was raped. Apparently, I was going to have to explain things to him later, but I couldn’t try and make him feel better right now. Natasha just looked at me like she understood as she translated my words to Fury.

Fury looked contemplative, “Who is this man?”

“Soldatul iernii ( _The Winter Soldier_ ).”

“Who is the Winter Soldier?”

Steve shook his head slightly. It didn’t matter, there was no way I was giving Fury anything. I didn’t know who he was, not to mention the fact that he was a dick, “Nu ai încredere în mine. Nu am încredere în tine. Informația asta trebuie să știe doar. ( _You don't trust me. I don't trust you. That information is need to know only._ )”

We glared at each other for a couple of minutes. Tony’s voice came over the speaker, “Fury, you’ve had your fun. This is MY tower, funded by MY money. SHIELD has no say here. It’s time to go.”

Fury glowered but left the room. As soon as he was gone, I lifted my arms slight, “Poți să le dai jos ( _Can you take these off_ )?”

“Yes.” Natasha moved to uncuff me, “Were you just speaking Romanian to piss Fury off? Because if you were, it was pretty fantastic. I haven’t seen him that out of sorts in a long while.”

“Nu. E mai ușor acum. Sunt americancă, dar am petrecut atâția ani vorbind limba română că e în fața creierului meu. ( _No. It's easier right now. I'm American, but I've spent so many years speaking Romanian that it's at the front of my brain._ )” I rubbed my wrists, trying to get the feeling of the metal off my skin. Natasha didn't translate, now that Fury was gone.

I held out my hand, “Steve.” He came over and I interlaced my fingers with his. A smile crept over my face, he just had that effect on me. I turned to Natasha, “James Buchanan Barnes este soldatul de iarnă. Bucky este, de asemenea, prietenul și iubitul meu. ( _James Buchanan Barnes is the Winter Soldier. Bucky is also my friend and lover._ )”

“Bucky? Really?” she seemed shocked. “I’ve heard tales about the Winter Soldier. He has many kills to his name, but they take place over decades. There is no way it can be the same guy.” Her eyes narrowed, “When were you born.”

“November 14th, 1922.”

Steve gasped, “That’s not possible.”

“You,” I cleared my throat, taking a second to gather my words. “You were born on July 4th, 1918. Don’t tell me what is impossible.” I turned back to Natasha, “M-au distrus rănind-o pe Bucky. îl iubesc. Ne-am antrenat împreună. Am vorbit limba română pentru că răpitorii noștri nu. ( _They broke me by hurting Bucky. I love him. We trained together. We spoke Romanian because our captors did not._ ) But they used a different machine to program him. They speak a series of words and he becomes the Winter Soldier. Forgetting everything and everyone he knows. Știu cuvântul care să-l închidă ( _I know the word to shut it off_ ).”

“Îți amintești cine ești ( _Do you remember who you are_ )?”

I shook my head, “Nu. Îmi amintesc că Bucky m-a sunat iubita. Dar nu-mi amintesc totul. ( _No. I remember Bucky called my iubita. But I do not remember everything._ )” I yawned, “Steve, thank you.”

“For what?” his hand tightened on mine.

“For being you. Bucky used to tell me stories about you when you were younger. He loves you. You were his best friend.” I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed, “So, can I get something to eat?”


	5. Chapter 5

Back in the dining room, the guys were gone. Steve pulled out a chair for me and I sat down. He made me a sandwich and brought it over, along with a glass of water. I scarfed it down, starving. Slowly, the others started to trickle back in. They must have been informed that I was there.

They sat down at the table, in the same seats as earlier. I looked at Steve, “Another?” He nodded and took the plate.

Tony leaned forward on his elbows, “So, Fury grilled you.” He grinned, “I heard you speaking Romanian. Good job on pissing him off. I’m assuming you did it on purpose.”

“Da și nu. Totul e încă amestecat. Româna este mai ușor. Vine mai natural. ( _Yes and no. Everything is still jumbled. Romanian is easier. Comes more naturally._ )” I looked at Natasha and she translated for me. “I can speak English perfectly well, however. I am an American by birth. It’s just that Bucky and I would speak Romanian so our captors wouldn’t know what we were saying.”

Steve set down the next sandwich in front of me and took a seat to my right. A plate with two sandwiches on it in front of him. He took a bite, “I’m sure that Tony has reiterated what you said when Fury was there. Is there anything else we should know?”

I sighed, “Bucky is dangerous when he is the Winter Soldier.” Everyone’s eyebrows shot up, “The Winter Soldier is who he becomes when they say the programmed words. He had a different kind of programming than me. Am fost doar bătut, violat, și torturat în supunere ( _I was just beaten, raped, and tortured into submission_ ).”

“Fuck,” Tony grimaced. “You said that they broke you by hurting Bucky?”

“Yes. I was hard to break.” I pushed the sandwich away, my appetite gone. “When I was taken, it was after the war was over. I was born in 1922. They captured me when I was doing my USO tour overseas near the end.”

“Wait, you were USO?” Steve sounded shocked.

I laughed, “Yeah. I sang and danced.” I closed my eyes and sung, “He was a famous trumpet man from out Chicago way / He had a boogie style that no one else could play / He was the top man at his craft / But then his number came up and he was gone with the draft / He's in the army now, a-blowin' reveille / He's the boogie woogie bugle boy of Company B.” When I opened my eyes, everyone was looking at me slack-jawed, “I can continue if you want.”

“Probably better if you don’t,” Natasha grinned. “These boys don’t know how to handle someone who is sexy, strong, and can sing. You might give them a coronary.”

“That’s not fair, Nat,” Clint bumped his shoulder into hers. “What she’s trying to say is that you have a killer voice. I can see why you were on the USO circuit.”

“I never saw you there,” Steve still sounded confused. “I did the USO circuit myself. Had backup dancers and everything. I would remember you.”

“No, you probably wouldn’t.” I sighed, “I blended into the background when I was younger. HYDRA didn’t change my looks when they experimented on me, but what they did fundamentally changed who I am. I became more. Not to mention the confidence that comes when you can beat up full-grown men. The other girls I worked with were more busty and blonde. I just had a better singing voice.” I touched my hair, “My brown hair and small breasts, you would have passed me right over.”

“I don’t think…”

“It doesn’t matter anyway. Whether we were there at the same time or not, I was taken right after the war ended.” I reached under the table and grabbed Steve’s hand in mine. When Natasha gave me a weird look, I knew she had noticed, “We were packing up to head home and I was taking a smoke break. I wandered into the woods and someone grabbed me, hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t scream. When I came to, I was in a cell next to Bucky.”

“Not to be pedantic…”

“Tony, you are always pedantic,” one of the other guys said. He smiled at me, “Name’s Sam Wilson. This lug next to me is James Rhodes, or Rhodey as we call him.”

“Nice to meet you guys.”

“Like I was trying to say…” Tony glowered at them, “How is it that you look like you’re not even thirty yet. I mean, I know Cap was frozen for almost seventy years, but that doesn’t explain you. I mean, you were only twenty-three when the war ended.”

“When they didn’t need us, they put us in cryogenic storage.”

“Do you remember your name?” if Tony had heard everything I said, he already knew the answer. Then I remembered that I had been speaking Romanian with Natasha. “We should probably have something to call you other than rogue HYDRA agent.”

“Sorry, I don’t. There are a lot of gaps in my memory. Part of it is due to being in cryo. I’m sure that the experiments and torture didn’t help either. Bucky called me iubita. But only he and Steve are allowed to call me that,” Natasha gave me another look that I steadily avoided. “Maybe Natasha if she’s feeling like it. HYDRA called me Little Death. I am an efficient killing machine. At least, I was.”

Natasha’s eyes widened, “I’ve heard of you, too. The Winter Soldier was sent in when they needed brute force. But I’ve been an assassin for a very long time. You made MY handlers uneasy, which should tell everyone else that you are not to be messed with. They told stories of you, almost as if you were Baba Yaga.”

“I’m not the boogeyman,” chuckling, I squeezed Steve’s hand. Talking about the past made me uncomfortable. “Or at least, not anymore. I stopped doing what they said when I found out that Bucky wasn’t really Bucky anymore. They made the mistake of letting me see him as the Winter Soldier. That was when I rebelled. I killed thirty of their men before they managed to capture me again. The only way they did was by using Bucky.”

“Bucky would never…” Steve started.

“It wasn’t him, not really.” I rubbed my eyes to hide the fact that tears were about to spill, “They trained me to be the best assassin possible. I’m stronger than most men, faster too. They injected something into me that changed me.”

“I looked at your blood,” Bruce interjected. “It looks like something similar to what Steve was given. Not exactly, but close. I am planning on running more tests to see if I can get any more details, but I would also like to test you to see if you are as strong, or stronger than him.”

“I can tell you that she hits like a freight truck,” he rubbed his jaw. The bruise was completely gone, but he still did it anyway. “However, I don’t think she has the same healing factor. The bruise on her arm looks almost as bad as it did this morning.”

I let go of his hand and picked at the gauze covering the first cut I had made on my arm, “But this seems to be healed.”

“Steve, your healing factor takes care of the worst injuries first.” Bruce was gentle, “She had a lot of bruises, cuts, and welts when she got here. That’s not to mention that she probably had cracked ribs and other internal injuries that we don’t know about. I’m not surprised that she’s not completely healed yet.”

“Do you want to arm wrestle and see who wins?” I waggled my eyebrows at him and Steve laughed. “Oh, come on, you just don’t want to be beaten by a girl.”

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Sweetheart, I have no problems being beaten by a girl.”

I flushed and the table laughed. Tony gave me an appraising look, “That still doesn’t tell us what we should call you. I, for one, am not calling you Death, little or otherwise. Sorry, but you don’t scare me.”

“Not even when she’s coming at you with a leg from a metal bed?” Natasha said sweetly. He just crossed his arms and pouted like an overgrown manchild. “We could call you Războinic. You are, after all, a warrior. It’s only fitting.” She looked around the room, “If Thor were here, he would agree with me.”

“Razi, I like it,” Tony grinned.

“That’s not how it works, Tony,” Natasha sounded exasperated.

“It’s okay, really.” I pushed back the chair and stood, “So, do we test my strength now, or later?”

“Iubita,” when Steve said that, my heart fluttered. His pronunciation was near perfect too. He didn’t know what it meant, nor did he know that Bucky only called me that because we were lovers, but it made me feel things I wasn’t sure I could still feel. “You are still injured, maybe we should wait.”

I looked at Natasha since she was the only other one who knew Romanian. She had this soft look on her face from what Steve called me. She knew exactly what it meant, I just hoped she didn’t tell him before I had a chance, “My injuries will give you a fighting chance to beat me.” I grinned cockily, “Come on. You outweigh me by at least a hundred pounds. This should be easy for you.”

“Iubita,” that word again. I could feel something tightening in my belly, “If you insist. I won’t go easy on you.”

“I would expect nothing less.”

“We should get Thor here, he would want to see this,” Sam said.

“The big guy should be here soon.” We all turned to look at Tony, “What? I called him when she got here. If one HYDRA agent shows up, more could potentially follow. He had a few things to take care of on Asgard, but said would get here when he was able.”

“And I have arrived,” a deep booming voice said. A tall, muscular man entered the room. Long blond hair and a beard that most men would be jealous of, not to mention the blue eyes. Thor walked over to me, looking me up and down, “Verily, you are a fair maiden.” He gave me a small bow, “It is an honor to meet one so fair.”

“Thank you? I think.”

“Don’t mind Thor, he always talks like that,” Natasha slipped her arm around my waist. In the time I've been here, she was more touchy-feely with me than anyone else. Other than maybe Bruce, whom I’d deduced she was sleeping with.

“And what is your name, fair maiden?”

“I…”

“Call her Razi,” Tony piped up. I looked over at him and saw that the others were all standing, waiting to go wherever this ‘test’ was going to take place.

“We’re calling her Războinic, which is Romanian for warrior.” Natasha sounded irritated, “She does, after all, have a higher kill count than I do.”

“Razi is fine, Natasha. It’s easier for everyone.”

She sighed, “Fine.”

“Will you join us, Thor?” I asked. “They are going to test my strength to see if I’m stronger than Steve.”

“Would you like to try and hold my hammer, little one?” I raised an eyebrow at him, “Verily, it is not a trick.” He set it on the floor, “If you are worthy, you will be able to lift it with ease.”

I walked over to the hammer. Wrapping my hand around the handle, I tried lifting it. It didn’t budge and I swear Thor let out a breath that he had been holding. “Do not fret, fair maiden. Even your Captain America could not make the hammer budge.”

“Captain America?” I looked at Steve.

“Yes, we are the Avengers. Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk…”

“Hey big guy, we weren’t exactly telling her that yet,” Tony sounded irritated now.

“Don’t worry, I still have no idea what you’re all blabbering about. Try to remember that my memory is spotty at best.” I moved away from Natasha and slid my arm through Steve’s, “I’m sure I’ll remember eventually. But until then, let’s get it over with. I would like to find out if I’m stronger than Steve. Ganske sikker på at jeg ikke ( _Pretty sure I’m not_ ).”

“You don’t know that fair maiden,” Thor said.

Everyone turned to him, mouths open. Tony was the first to speak, “You know Romanian?”

“I know many languages, Tony.” Thor grinned, “When 900 years old you reach, speak as many you can too.”

“We never should have let him watch Star Wars,” Rhodey groaned.

“Rhodey, it’s your own fault. You’re the one who said that Cap and Thor needed to be caught up on current events,” Tony grimaced. “I was happy with them not knowing colloquialisms.”

Steve steered me to the elevator, whispering in my ear, “Iubita, if we don’t go, they will talk for hours.”

“I really like it when you call me that,” I flushed.

“What does it mean?”

“I’ll tell you later. Just know that I would only let you and Bucky call me that. It’s special.”

“Well, iubita, if Bucky likes you, I’m positive you are a great dame.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really long chapter. Muse was working extra hard tonight.

Steve and I were in the gym before anyone else. The space was extremely large. Thirty-foot ceilings, it was the size of a small warehouse. A running track went around the entire room. About a third of the room had machines that I had no idea what they were for, then there were free weights, giant tires, pull-up bars, punching bags attached to bars bolted to the floor, and half the floor was open but covered in thick blue mats.

First, he led me over to the side of the room where there was a scale. He gestured for me to get on. I gave him a look, “I know I’ve been captive for seventy years, Steve, but even I know asking a woman her weight is impolite.”

He fixed me with a pointed stare, “We need a base to start from in order to judge your strength. That way…”

I climbed onto the scale and laughed lightly, “Relax, I’m just messing with you.” It read 112 pounds, “Shit, I knew they were starving me the past few months, but I didn’t realize I’d lost so much weight. I’m normally around 140.” When I got down, I went over to him and cupped the side of his face, “I’m sorry if I’m not a very nice person sometimes.” The door to the gym opened and I stepped back. They didn’t need to think Steve was getting cozy with the enemy.

“Iubita,” Steve started to say. But then everyone was standing near us and he quieted.

“Razi, what first? Endurance?” Tony stood there as if he were evaluating me.

“Sorry, Tony. But if you want to figure out my stamina, it will take a long time. I can run, note I said run not jog, for hours without getting tired.” The guys seemed impressed but Steve just nodded. Being enhanced himself, he probably had the same ability.

“If she’s anything like Rogers,” Sam said, “she’s not lying. He ran laps around me for the hour I was running. I didn’t even count the number of times he said ‘on your left.’ I’m still bitter about that.”

Everyone laughed, even Steve, “Do you know how fast you run a mile?”

“It depends. Now, I’ve never actually stopped to time myself just to see how fast I am. Back in… well, they would pit us against each other. I could outpace everyone except Bucky. However, I do know that if I sprint a mile I can do it in under three minutes.” I thought back to the distance training they had us accomplish, “Once, they had us run with weighted packs for thirty miles. I ran that in under two hours.”

Tony thought for a second, “That’s under four minutes a mile. And if you had extra weight on your back, that’s even more impressive. We’ll have to test you on that when you’re back to full fighting weight.”

“Since we’re doing this test my strength thing, I should tell you that I’m 112 right now if you care. Normally, I sit between 135 and 145. I’m five foot six inches tall, so I know that I’m seriously underweight. Although, most of what I lost is muscle mass.” I looked at Bruce, assuming he would be the most interested, seeing as he was the one doing my medical work, “What first?”

“Don’t ask me.” Bruce’s eyes widened as he realized why I was asking, “I’m not a medical doctor. I know I pretend really well, but I’ve just picked up a lot of stuff over the years. We don’t trust many people, so I’ve had to learn to deal with our specialized problems.”

“Alright,” I shrugged and turned back to Tony. “What do you want me to do? We can’t test my endurance, because you guys would give out long before I do.”

“How much do you lift?”

“Don’t know. Never lifted weights before. They didn’t want the girls to ‘bulk up.’ Which is stupid, because they still had us lifting heavy things. They usually had us practice carrying each other to simulate dead bodies. When you are working a job and kill someone, you have to be able to move their body so no one else suspects.” I grinned and looked over at Steve, “I know I could lift him. Steve is about the same size as Bucky, just narrower at the waist. Since Bucky and I trained together a lot in the beginning, he was who I had to practice on.”

Tony took a minute to consider. But I could tell that he wanted to start small, not trusting that I was being completely honest. Even after ripping the restraint, he didn’t believe I was as strong as I said, “Let’s start with Tasha.”

Natasha walked over to me, “Băieții ăștia n-au încredere în tine încă, dar eu da. Te cred când spui că îl poți ridica pe Steve. ( _These boys don't trust you yet, but I do. I believe you when you say that you can lift Steve._ ) How do you want me?"

My eyes met Tony’s, “Do you want me to demonstrate I can carry her, or pick her up from the ground?”

“How about both?”

“Fine.” I turned back to Natasha, “Lay on the ground, try not to move. Just play dead. If I hurt you, please let me know. We didn’t train for niceness, just efficiency.”

“I weigh about 130, so you know. Mă aștept să nu ai nicio problemă să mă ridici sau să mă cari. ( _I'm expecting you won't have any issues lifting or carrying me._ )”

“We know, Nat.” Clint grinned at us. “You’ve told us that before.”

“Don’t make me hurt you, Clint.” Natasha pretended to glare at him, “I can, you know.” She laid down on the floor and closed her eyes.

I crouched down, lifted her to a seated position, then put one of her arms around my neck. Using my legs, I picked her up from the ground. She was doing an excellent job of remaining limp. Even in training, the others couldn’t stay completely still when a little girl like me tried to lift them. Big strong men seem to have issues when women are as strong as them. I grinned as I moved her until I could put my shoulder by her stomach. I lifted her easily. Holding her legs, I jogged lightly to the other side of the room and back, before carefully placing her on her feet.

“Next?” I looked at each guy before stopping on Steve. Moving over to him, I winked, “Wanna see if I can lift you?”

“Iubita,” he frowned. “I’m a lot heavier than Nat. By almost one hundred pounds.”

“Fine.” I didn’t even try to argue with him. I turned away and walked over to Thor. “What about you, big buy? You look like you weigh at least as much as Steve, if not more.”

“Of course, fair maiden.” He set down the hammer. When I got closer, he leaned down to whisper, “De ce te strigă Steve iubita ( _Why is Steve calling you lover_ )?”

My face flushed, and it spread to my chest as well. When I get extremely embarrassed, the redness tends to spread down my body. I kept my voice low, “Înseamnă și iubita. Nu-i spune, te rog. Doar că așa îmi spune Bucky. Cu cât de mult a vorbit Bucky despre Steve, mă simt de parcă l-aș cunoaște, așa că pare firesc să vină de la el. Îi voi spune ce înseamnă, dar nu chiar acum. ( _It means sweetheart as well. Don’t tell him please. It’s just, that’s what Bucky calls me. With how much Bucky talked about Steve, I feel like I know him, so it seems natural coming from him. I will tell him what it means, but not right now._ )”

“I understand, Războinic. I will let you tell him.”

“Hey, no fair speaking languages we don’t understand,” Tony was pouting again.

“Sorry, Tony. But when I don’t want you guys to know something, I’m going to speak Romanian. I don’t need everyone knowing every little thing about me right away. A girl has to have some secrets.” I crossed my arms, “Besides, what we were talking about has zero to do with you or the rest of you. It was personal.”

I turned back to Thor, “You’re a little bigger than Natasha, so I don’t think I can lift you from the ground. Not because you weigh more, just simply because my arms aren’t long enough. So I’m just going to lift you from a standing position. Would you rather I carry you bridal style, or over my shoulder?”

“Over the shoulder,” Tony said. “Better comparison to Natasha that way.”

“As Tony says, over the shoulder is fine.” Thor gave me a warm smile, “I trust you, micul ( _little_ ) Războinic. You will not drop me.”

“Same goes for you as it did for Natasha, if I hurt you, let me know.” I walked over and steeled myself, knowing that the heavier a guy was, the harder it was to carry them. Even though I have enhanced strength, lifting and carrying someone twice your size requires a lot of effort. Not that I couldn’t do it. His weight wasn’t the issue, it was the largeness that made it daunting.

I did the same as with Natasha, put my shoulder at his stomach and lifted him into the air. I didn’t jog this time, as he was wider than my shoulder, so precariously perched. I did, however, walk around everyone with him until we were back at the starting point. When I set him down, he grinned, “See, I knew you could do it.”

“I knew I could.” I looked at Steve and he seemed to be thinking. Probably about the fact that it could have been him I was carrying instead of Thor. So, I interrupted his train of thought, “How much can you lift, Steve?”

“Depends.”

“Sassy,” I smiled so he would know I wasn’t being serious.

“Truthfully, it does depend. If I’m training, and doing max repetitions, I bench 800 to 1000 pounds. If I’m going for a single deadlift, I’ve done 2000 pounds.” The group gasped. I guess they hadn’t known or seen him do that before. He flushed, “I don’t generally let people watch me lift.”

“Well, Tony. I’m enhanced similar to Steve. Do you want me to try bench pressing 800 pounds to see if I can? To be honest, I’m curious. They never let us know how strong we really were, probably so we didn’t break their faces in.” I grinned and winked at Natasha, “Although, I did break in a few of their faces when I rebelled. Nothing quite as satisfying as shoving someone’s nasal cartilage into their brain to kill them.”

“Only if Steve spots you.” Tony gestured for me to follow him over to the weights. He and Clint started putting weights on a bar parallel to the floor. “If 800 pounds were to fall on your chest, there is a good chance it will crush you.”

I stood next to Steve and bumped into him. I wanted to grab his hand, but I didn’t want to make it awkward around his friends, “Can you show me how to do it first? As I said, I’ve never done this.”

“Of course, iubita.” Every time he called me that, my heart melted a little more. We were going to have a long talk tonight if it was up to me. Bucky had talked a lot when we were together, and Steve needed to know about it. He laid down on the bench and instructed me on how to lift the bar, showing me the up and down motion to use. As well as the proper form.

“Alright, my turn.” I rubbed my hands gleefully. It wasn’t often that I got to show off. I laid down on the bench and put my hands on the bar.

Steve put his right below it, but not touching, “Slowly, iubita. Take your time. No one is rushing you.”

I pushed and lifted the bar off the hooks, holding it above my head. It was a little heavy, but not so heavy I couldn’t hold it. I lowered it slowly, then raised it again. I did this several times before putting it back onto the hooks. Sitting up, I looked at Tony, “Do you want me to go heavier?”

“Sure, let’s max you out at 1000 pounds though. If you can do that, we’ll move on to see your fighting skills.”

Steve added another hundred pounds to each side of the barbell. I laid back down and put my hands on the bar. When I lifted it off, it felt the same as the 800. I did several repetitions, then put it back. The guys, except Thor, looked a little miffed that I could bench press so much weight, “Sorry, I can’t help that they experimented on me. Trust me, I would give anything to be normal.”

I looked over my shoulder at Steve, giving him a shy smile, “Well, maybe not. If I was normal, I never would have been captured, and I never would have met Bucky. Or any of the rest of you.” My eyes were on Steve as I said this. My hope was that he would figure out that I meant him. I stood and stretched, “Who’s going to fight me?”

“Can you fight without hurting anyone?” Steve asked me.

I shrugged, “It’s been a long time since I sparred with a normal. I learned to fight pre-serum. Afterward, Bucky and I would practice on each other. There were a few others that they tried out a version of the serum on, but they were unpredictable and more ruthless than HYDRA wanted. They were killed. If there are any others, I don’t know about them.” I gave him a questioning look, “Are you or Thor going to be able to fight me for real? If I do this, you can’t treat me like I’m fragile. Tony needs to know what I’m capable of.”

Moving closer to him, I placed my hand on his chest, not caring that the others were watching. My voice lowered so only he could hear, “Steve, I trust you. Bucky trusted you, so I do as well. I know that your word is your bond. So if you don’t think you can, I will spar with Thor. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“We still don’t know if you’re stronger than me, iubita,” his voice was just as low. “I could hurt you.”

“I meant emotionally. But I don’t want to hurt you physically either. However, we will both heal. After all, the punch didn’t kill you. The bruise healed in a few hours.” I touched the bruise he had put on my arm, “I’ve had worse than this, Steve. HYDRA is cruel and ruthless. They treated me like a slave. Did things to me that would give you nightmares. Bucky told me what a good person you are. I’m not like that. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. But the one thing I’ve never done is tell a lie. I will avoid saying something, but I will never outright lie.”

“Iubita…”

“It’s up to you, Steve,” I said louder as I backed away. “I can fight you, or Thor.”

“We can always bring the green guy out,” Natasha added.

“Nat, we’ve talked about this,” Bruce’s voice was patient. “I don’t like transforming if I don’t need to.”

“I’ll do it.” I gave Steve a grateful smile, “But we do this hand to hand, no weapons, no shield.” He kicked off his boots and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the middle of the blue mats. The others stayed far enough away that they wouldn’t get hurt. His voice grew soft again, “Iubita, there is no harm in yielding or in saying enough.”

“Same goes for you, handsome,” I winked and he flushed. Moving closer, I stood mere inches away from his body and stood on my toes so I could put my face level with his, “I will use every move in my arsenal. Even the ones you least suspect.” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips and jumped back, laughing.

Tony yelled from the sidelines, “Whenever you guys are done flirting…”

We started circling one another. Trying to get a feel for how each person moved. I could tell that Steve was strong and fast. But I had a small advantage. Weighing about half as much as him, and be several inches shorter, I was a smaller target. Still not sure if I could move faster, but that was something I was willing to explore another time.

He moved toward me and I aimed a punch at his side. He blocked it, countering with a punch of his own. It felt like he was pulling it, “Steve, what did I say? I’m not made of glass. If you don’t treat me like anyone else, how are we ever going to know…” He punched again, this time connecting with my midsection. I exhaled, grunting with the impact. He definitely hadn’t pulled that one.

I backed up and stretched a little, rubbing the tender spot on my stomach, “That’s one. You won’t get another.” I grinned and moved forward. Feinting, I pretended to throw a punch. When he blocked it, I did a side kick straight to his stomach, knocking him back several paces.

He looked impressed, “That actually hurt.”

“I’ve always been better with my legs.”

We moved closer again. Punching and kicking, we blocked each other’s moves, connecting only about every one out of ten times. I decided to try a move that worked on Bucky. Dropping both my hands, I widened my stance ever so slightly. When he came in with a punch to my face, I ducked, swept my leg behind his and knocked him to the ground.

I jumped on top of him, straddling his hips and grabbed his hands, holding them above his head. Neither of us was breathing hard, at least not from exertion. He tried to lift his arms, but I held them in place, “Come on, Steve. I know you can break free from this.” I lowered my face to his neck, stuck out my tongue and licked before lightly biting his skin. I groaned, “God, you taste good.”

His hips thrust up, dislodging me. Turning me over, he pinned me to the ground, his hips between mine. Doing the same thing, he held my hands above my head and grinned, “Do you think you can break out of this?”

I lifted my hips a little bit so I could rub against him, “Maybe I don’t want to.” When he gave me an astonished look, I moved my hands and broke his hold. He fell against me and I grabbed his head, placing a kiss on his lips. “Seduction is something I spent years perfecting. The art of making men want me.”

His eyes narrowed, “So this is just a trick?”

“No,” I shook my head and let my hands fall back to the floor, as well as releasing his hips from my legs. “I would never lie to you, Steve. Besides, if you felt me right now, you would see that I want you just as much as you want me.”

“Hey guys,” Tony yelled. “If you’re going to screw, we have beds for that.”

When Steve pushed himself up, I rolled out from under him and stood. Walking back over to the group, I glared at Tony, “Anything else you want to see? Maybe a show on how I use sex to kill men? Would you like that?” I was getting angry, my words coming out more vicious than I intended, “Do you want me to strip so you can test me as HYDRA did? Is that what you want?”

Natasha came over to me and wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me back, “It’s okay, Războinic. No one is going to make you do that. înţeleg. Și mie mi-au făcut același lucru. ( _understand. They did the same thing to me._ )” That broke me. I turned in her arms and wrapped around her, my face against her shoulder as I sobbed. She whispered soft words to me, in both English and Romanian, until I calmed down. She pulled back and gave me a serious look, “M-au violat zilnic, până când am aflat ce-I plăcea bărbaților. Apoi m-au forțat să fac asta pentru ei, ca să dovedesc că știam ce fac. M-au sterilizat ca să nu pot avea copii. Toate ca să fiu un ucigaș mai bun. E mai ușor așa. ( _They raped me, daily, until I learned what men liked. Then they forced me to perform for them, to prove that I knew what I was doing. They sterilized me so I cannot have children. All so I would be a better killer. Easier that way._ )”

I rubbed my eyes and looked around. The only other person in the room was Steve, and he looked uncomfortable. But he had stayed. “They did the same to me. Pierderea capacității de a avea copii a fost cel mai rău lucru pe care mi l-au făcut. ( _Losing the ability to have children was the worst thing they did to me._ )”

She wiped away another tear that fell, “I understand, I do. I just try to remember that in this life, it would be hard to…” She glanced at Steve before switching back to Romanian, “Ar fi greu să aducem copii în viața asta. Întotdeauna ți-ai face griji pentru ei. Ar putea fi folosite împotriva ta. ( _It would be hard to bring children into this life. You would always worry about them. They could be used against you._ )”

“I’m sorry, Natasha. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that too.” I gave her a hug. “Thanks.”

She lifted one shoulder, “No problem. I plan on being friends with you. Sharing horrible life stories is a good way to accomplish that.” Natasha placed a hand on my arm, “If you ever need to talk, and I mean away from the guys, let me know. I understand a lot about how they train women. So if you need to vent, we will drink vodka, get drunk, and cry.”

“I can’t get drunk.”

“Neither can I, iubita.” Steve came up behind me and interlaced his fingers with mine, “Asgard has some pretty good mead that can get me drunk. I can have some brought back to the tower for you.”

“Thanks.”

“Trebuie să-i spui ce înseamnă asta. ( _You need to tell him what that means._ )”

“Aşa voi face. ( _I will._ )” Natasha left and I turned to Steve, “Can we go back to your room? I need to…”

“I’m not sleeping with you,” Steve flushed.

I glowered at him, “One, I wasn’t going to say that. Two, you wouldn’t be able to resist me if I wanted that.” My words were softened by a smile, “I like you, Steve. From the stories Bucky told me, I feel like I know you. I know you are a moral stand up guy. I won’t take advantage of you...yet.” I stood on my toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I was just going to say that I need to tell you some things. Things that are better not said in a room where anyone can just walk in and overhear.”

“Okay.” The hand that wasn’t holding mine combed through my hair and went under my chin. He tilted my face up and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, “For the record, iubita, I want you too.”

“Oh, trust me, I felt it.” I chuckled as he flushed, “Nice thing about being a girl, no one has to know your turned on unless you want them to know.”


	7. Chapter 7

Back up in his room, we sat in the living room. Steve placed himself in the middle of the couch. I sat on one side with my knees pulled up to my chest, arms wrapped around my calves. He gave me a small smile, “So, what did you want to talk about?”

Sighing, I tried to remain calm, “There are things you should know about me. Things I went through. I don’t want to tell everyone, because even though HYDRA broke me, I am not broken. They may have turned me into a killer, but I refuse to be a victim.”

“Iubita,” he placed a large hand on top of my arm for a brief second. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want me to. I am just here to listen, not to judge.”

“You remind me a lot of Bucky,” I gave him a genuine smile. “He was always the same way with me. Never pushing me past what I could handle. I also want to tell you about Bucky. He was yours first. You deserve to know about him. Then, there is me and Bucky.”

“Bucky was never mine.”

“Did you want him to be?” Steve’s face flushed bright red, “Yeah, he had pretty much the same reaction when I asked him that question back in 1945. Although, he used more words. Bucky loved you first. Long before you were Captain America. Back when you were just a skinny asthmatic boy from Brooklyn, he loved you. We often talked about what life would be like, the three of us together.”

His jaw dropped, “Together? As in, together...together?”

“Bucky had this idea that if we ever escaped, we would find you, move to a quiet cabin in the woods, and all grow old together. Of course, that was before he was told that you died in a plane crash.”

Steve grimaced, wiping a hand down his face. I lowered my legs and grabbed his hand with both of mine, rubbing my thumbs into his palm, “It’s not your fault, Steve. You thought he was dead, too. You did what was necessary to stop HYDRA the first time. He never held that against you.”

“How long before…”

“They waited a year to tell him.” Steve looked so heartbroken at my words, I wanted to pull him into my arms and never let go. Instead, I just kept touching him, hoping that helped, “It was cruel, the way they let him believe you were alive. But they needed to get his hopes up in order to break him fully. They would taunt him, telling him that Captain America wasn’t going to save him. That you were leaving him there to rot. We both knew you would never do that. All the stories Bucky told of you, I know that you would never deliberately hurt anyone that way.” I looked down at our hands so I didn’t have to see the pain in his eyes, “Bucky didn’t remember much from the fall, but he knew that if you thought he was alive, you would stop at nothing to find him.”

“When they told him you were dead, that’s what broke him. He went crazy for a while, even I couldn’t talk him down. After a while, he just stopped fighting.”

“God, it must have been hell,” Steve’s voice was rough.

I looked up at him and saw tears welling in his eyes. He held them back though, “Don’t feel bad, Steve. It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault. Not him falling, not him getting captured, and not him breaking.” I took a deep breath, “He submitted to their tests and experiments. He was the first to get their version of the serum. Really that was the only thing that made it possible for them to replace his arm.”

“Wait, what?”

“Sorry, I forgot you didn’t know. When he fell, his left arm was destroyed and had to be amputated at the shoulder.”

“Fuck,” the word sounded foreign in his mouth. Bucky had always talked about how Steve never cussed. “I can’t believe he had to suffer through that.”

“It wasn’t all bad. We had each other. He was there for a few weeks before me, but they even let us stay in the same cell sometimes.” I reached up and wiped the single tear that rolled down Steve’s cheek, “They wanted to see how he would react to the serum before they gave it to anyone else. Called him defective because of his arm, so if he died, it wasn’t a big deal. The next two years, there were twenty of us, not including Bucky. I was the only non-soldier. I think they took me for Bucky more than anything else. Thinking that having someone who reminded him of home was the way to make him compliant.”

“After putting us together for the year prior to him getting the serum, Bucky and I had grown very close. Apparently, his grandparents were Romanian, so he knew that language and taught it to me. We would use it to communicate so the guard didn’t know what we were saying. They only spoke English and German. We… we fell in love.” My last words were spoken softly because I knew how Bucky felt about Steve, and I was fairly certain he felt the same. I didn’t want our love to detract from theirs.

Steve placed a finger under my chin and tipped my face so I was looking at him. He smiled, “I’m glad he wasn’t alone.”

Fighting back tears, I continued, “Once he had the serum and arm, they started sending him on missions, using threats of hurting me to keep him compliant. It wasn’t his fault that they hurt me, they would have done it anyway. They enjoyed making me scream and cry.”

“Iubita, it’s okay. You don’t have to continue.”

I wiped my face and realized I was crying, “No, I’m fine. During those two years, I trained with the other ‘recruits’ learning to fight. Once they thought we were ready, they injected us all. The following year, I learned how to adapt to my new abilities. The other nineteen, they were soldiers first. The worst of the Nazis. They delighted in the misery of others. One by one, they were eventually put down until it was just me and Bucky. As much as HYDRA wanted them to be ruthless, they wanted soldiers who obeyed their every order. Having super soldiers going around raping and beating up on random people was not in the plan.”

“For the next year or so, they used Bucky and me on missions. Both together and separate. Then, they put us in cryo, only bringing us out of it when they needed. Bucky hated killing. Once they had given me the serum, they lost their leverage with him. My ability to heal quickly meant that unless they were willing to kill me, there wasn’t much they could do that I wouldn’t heal from. Bucky would go on missions and do what they asked, but he wouldn’t kill anyone unless absolutely necessary, and never on their orders. They would send me with him when they needed someone dead. I was their perfect little killer.”

“Iubita,” Steve pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that.” He placed a kiss to the top of my head, “You said they broke you by hurting Bucky?”

“The things HYDRA did to him, they would give you nightmares. I won’t tell you exactly what they did because they aren’t my stories to tell. Also, I don’t want you to look at him with pity. The first time you see Bucky, it shouldn’t be with sadness in your eyes.”

“I would never…”

I looked at him, “Steve, it was horrible. I’m not sure he would want you to ever know if I’m being honest.”

“They don’t tell me. When we get him back, he can tell me if he chooses.”

“God, no wonder he loves you.” I climbed off his lap and moved back to my spot. His fingers clenched like he wanted to reach for me, but he kept his distance, “It was during my training that they… hurt him. I didn’t know that the serum increased his ability to heal, so it didn’t take long for me to promise to do whatever they wanted, only they had to stop hurting him. I didn’t care what they did to me, but when they did… things to him, that was the final straw. I would kill anyone to keep him safe, even myself.”

“Once they put us in cryo, they never took us out at the same time. Looking back, it was probably because they had turned him into the Winter Soldier. Having someone who will follow them blindly was always HYDRAs end goal.”

“Why didn’t they do that to you as well?”

“Because I was willing to kill and follow orders to keep myself and Bucky safe.” I looked directly into his eyes, trying to impress upon him how serious I was, “I would destroy the world to keep those I love from harm. They knew that.” I had to look away, the pity in his eyes hurt more than anything else, “They did make a mistake though. Back in 1991, they brought us both out for a mission to eliminate a couple. Howard Stark and his wife.”

Steve gasped, “Tony’s parents.”

“I didn’t know who they were. Just his name and the location of where they would be.” I took a deep breath before asking, “Should we tell Tony?”

“No! He would kill Bucky on sight if he knew. His parents have been dead a long time, iubita. We’ll tell him after we have Bucky back with us.”

“Well, when they brought me out to help, Bucky didn’t respond to me the way I had grown used to. I figured out quickly what they had done. I fought back, trying to escape. Killing at least thirty of their men before the Winter Soldier captured me. I couldn’t hurt him, not even to get away. That’s the problem with falling in love, it makes you vulnerable.” I brought my legs back up to my chest and hugged them tightly, trying to make myself as small as possible, “They put me back in cryo until about six months ago. They kept me locked up, barely feeding me, forcing me to watch as Bucky slipped further and further away.”

Steve grabbed my hand and laced his fingers with mine. Instantly, I felt calmer, “They put that chip in my neck and the track on my hip. The beatings were the worst I had ever received. My healing factor forced them to be. The chip made it hard to focus on anything other than what they told me to do. But they didn’t realize that the pain just helped me fight their influence. They even had Bucky… they had the Winter Soldier hurt me. This went on for almost the entire six months.” 

I leaned my cheek against my knee, taking a short break. Remembering what happened near the end was almost as painful as living it the first time around, “ Finally, I asked what they wanted. They told me that if I wanted Bucky back, I had to come here and kill all of you. They didn’t tell me who you were, just that I had to kill everyone living in Stark Tower. Now, here I am.”

We sat in silence, holding hands, as Steve digested everything I had just told him. When he finally spoke, I wasn’t surprised by his question, “Does Bucky know I’m alive?”

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t think so. They never let him stay Bucky for long, and when he was Bucky, it’s not like he had access to the news. I didn’t even know until you said your name was Steve Rogers. When Tony was asking about the ‘for the Avengers’ written on my stomach, I had no idea who they Avengers were. I still don’t. The past six months haven’t really given me a chance to catch up on recent events.”

“I get all the Avengers to formally introduce themselves to you tomorrow.” He pulled me onto his lap again, holding me tight against his chest, “We’ll find him, iubita. I promise you, we’ll bring Bucky back to you.”

“And you.”

“I won’t get between Bucky and his girl.”

His stubborn moral high ground was endearing, but also infuriating, “Are you just being stubborn, or were you not listening earlier?” I pulled back slightly so I could look at his face, “Bucky wanted a life with me… but he also wanted a life with you. He couldn’t imagine growing old without you by his side. I don’t think you realize how much he loves you. Now, if you don’t feel the same, I can understand that. But it seems to me you’re just being a self-sacrificing idiot.” When he looked shocked, I laughed, “Would you even consider being in a relationship with Bucky and me?”

Steve lifted me off his lap and stood. He started pacing in the living room, running his hands through his hair, “I’m going to be more honest with you than I probably have been even with myself. I loved Bucky. We were best friends, and even though we called each other brother, it was more than that. But because of the era we grew up in, it wasn’t possible for us to be together that way.” He stopped in front of me and crouched down, “Bucky always had a girl on his arm. Once I became this,” he waved a hand in front of his chest, “I had girls on mine as well.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Iubita, even underweight, you are beautiful. You are exactly the kind of girl that both Bucky and I would have fallen for before the war. I know that Bucky wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you weren’t a good person. But he loves you. It wouldn’t be fair for me to try and get in the middle of you two.”

I pushed him out of the way and stood. Walking over to the window, I wrapped my arms around my torso, “Did you ever consider that maybe it would be better? That the three of us, together, would be better than any two of could be?”

“I’m sorry.”

I saw him reach for me in the reflection of the window and I moved out of reach. His touch was calming, but right then I didn’t want to be calmed, “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t push this on you. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Someone good and kind, who hasn’t destroyed their soul by killing hundreds of people. I would just tarnish your reputation should anyone find out.”

“Iubita…”

“While I’m confessing everything, Bucky called me that because we were lovers. Because we were in love. It’s a term of endearment used by those in a relationship. I should have told you sooner, but I liked when you called me that. It brought back happier memories from our first year in captivity.” A tear rolled down my cheek and I angrily wiped it away, “Bucky had made me believe that the three of us could have it all. I shouldn’t have tricked you into calling me something you weren’t ready for.”

“Iubi… sweetheart,” he reached for me again, but I sidestepped his arm.

“No, Steve. It’s my own fault for being presumptuous,” I started heading toward his apartment door, “Natasha and Thor were right, I should have told you sooner. At least I told you everything before you did something stupid like fall in love with me.”

My hand was on the door when he spoke softly, “You don’t have to leave.”

“Yes, I do. I’m not going far, I just need to clear my head. Besides, I have nowhere else to go. I’m in the wrong time as you were when you first woke up. I need to be alone, be away from you for a while. My heart can’t take being broken again, especially when I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back.”

“I swear to you, we will get him back. If it’s the last thing I do.”

I looked back at him, giving him a wry smile, “I know you believe that. I just hope you’re right.” I pushed open the door, shutting it behind me. As I leaned against it, I let the tears fall that I had been holding back. Silent sobs wracked my frame, but I didn’t go back in the room, and he didn’t come out to get me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has one of my favorite lines I've ever written in a story. So much so, that I went, found the old story, and took it out of it. Can you guess which one it is?

Through my tears, I managed to find the elevator. “JARVIS, can you take me back to the main floor.”

“Ma’am, do you mean the ground floor?” his robotic British voice managed to sound confused.

I let out a strangled laugh, “No, the floor with the dining room.”

“Right away, ma’am.” The elevator started moving, “Next time, when you say the main floor, I will make sure to take you there.”

“Thanks, JARVIS.”

Once the doors opened, I walked out, breathing out a sigh of relief when I didn’t see anyone else. I went over to the fridge and opened it, hoping that there would be something to eat. A pizza box took up a shelf. I grabbed that and sat down at the table, eating the half that remained cold. With how much weight I needed to gain back, I had to eat often and high calorie if I wanted to get back to my healthy weight again.

When I finished, I looked around and saw doors that led out to a balcony. I got up from the table and walked over. Pushing the glass doors open, I was assaulted with the smells of the city. It had been so long since I had lived anywhere other than the HYDRA compound that I had forgotten what it was like. The dull roar of cars driving down the street, the smell of fuel and food. The sun had long since gone down, so it was just me and the moon outside.

I went over to the railing and peered over the edge. It was a straight drop down from a height that rivaled the Empire State Building. A voice coming from the door startled me, “You’re not going to jump, are you?” It was Tony, “Because, if you are, you should know that a fall from this height would splat you like a bug on the ground.”

“Would it matter if I were?” My words came out harsh, but feeling overwhelmed me, “You guys would be better off if I were gone.”

“I’m not good at,” he waved his hand between us, “this. Being helpful, feelings, that sort of thing. Let me go get Steve.”

“No!”

Tony’s eyebrow raised, “Lover’s quarrel?”

The laugh that burst out of me sounded strained, “We would have to be lovers first. And you don’t have to worry about that. Your precious Captain America still has his virtue intact.” I looked back out over the city again, “You know, me being here, all the people I’ve killed. I did it all for one person, Bucky. I didn’t do it for myself, I did it for him. HYDRA told me that if I killed you all, I would get him back.”

“So,” he drawled. “Are you still planning on killing us?”

“I have a feeling that you guys would be harder to take down than HYDRA security. I could maybe kill one or two of the normals before Steve or Thor stopped me, but I wouldn’t be able to kill all of you. And that’s what they want, you all dead. What would be the point in even trying?” I shrugged, “They knew I would fail. They sent me in with nothing, not even clothes. They never expected I would survive past the front door. HYDRA just wanted me gone and away from Bucky. Probably hoping that if they broke him again, he would become an even better machine.”

“Why would losing you break him?” Tony’s voice was soft, but he sounded sincere.

I couldn’t look at him. In my heart, I knew that his eyes would be clouded with the same pity that Steve had shown me, “I’ll give you the condensed version of events. I was taken after the war. They put me in with Bucky. We became close, very close. We fell in love. Then they turned him into the Winter Soldier. If they ever let him be Bucky again, and he thinks I’m dead, I don’t know what that would do to him.” The tears started falling again, “I’m terrified, Tony.”

His hand touched my back tentatively, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. Stepping away from him and the railing, I asked, “Is Steve always so…”

“Stubborn? Enigmatic? Morally superior?” he laughed. “Always.”

“Thanks for the talk, Tony.” I started back to the door, “Any issues with me using the gym by myself?”

“No. Just try not to break anything too expensive. If you use the punching bags, there’s a closet full of extras.” He grinned, “Steve always breaks at least two bags when he’s pissed off.” I frowned, “Sorry, I’ll lay off talk of big, dumb, and handsome.”

“Thanks again, Tony.”

Down in the gym, I moved over to the punching bag. Balling my hands into fists, I hit it lightly, causing it to sway. JARVIS’s voice came over the loudspeaker, “Ma’am, Mr. Stark asked me to send Miss Romanov down to you. Would you like me to send her down to you?”

I hit the bag a little harder, “I don’t know, JARVIS. What do you think?” Several more hits, each harder than the last. When the last hit put my hand into the bag. Sand poured out onto the ground and I grimaced, “Can you just take me to her room?”

“He could do that, but I’m already here,” Natasha stood a few feet away from me. I took the bag off the pole and walked over to the closet nearby, assuming that was where the extras were. Grabbing another one, I hooked it up and started hitting it. “Tony didn’t tell me anything, just that you needed someone to talk to.”

I stopped the bag, resting my forehead against the vinyl, “What am I supposed to do? I should be dead. Either because I grew old like I was supposed to, or because you guys killed me when I showed up to kill you. I don’t know how to be a part of this world.”

“We can teach you,” her small hand rubbed my back. “We taught Steve.”

I threw another punch at the bag, “God, why does everyone always bring up Steve?”

“What did he do?” she sounded angry. “Do I need to kick his ass? He may be stronger than me, but I’m cleverer.”

“No, but thanks for offering.” I turned toward her, “Does Steve not think he deserves to be happy? Or, is he really just so hell-bent on thinking that the only kind of relationship is the ‘normal’ one that society agrees with?”

Her eyebrows rose, “Come on, let’s go get drunk and have some girl talk.”

“I can’t get drunk.”

She threaded her arm through mine, “Thor has some mead hidden away, and I happen to know where.”

We went back up to the main floor and she led me over to a side room. There was a huge couch that took up about half the room. It was in the shape of a U and was at least eight feet on each side. On the wall in front of it, a sixty-inch television. The other side of the room had a large bar, a wall full of various liquors, and several comfortable looking chairs that matched the couch.

Natasha ducked behind the bar and brought out a clay jug, handing it to me, “Asgardian mead. You drink this, I guarantee you’ll be drunk.” She grabbed herself a bottle of vodka and dragged me over to the couch. Sitting down with me, she took a swig from the bottle, “Tell me all about it.”

We started talking and I drank from the jug. She was right, after the first few sips, I started feeling tipsy. But I told her everything. And by everything, I mean every word that I said to Steve. By the end, I was drunk, “And then I tried to tell him that the three of us could be together, but he just said that he wasn’t going to get in the way of me and Bucky.”

Natasha was a little bit drunk herself, “He’s just trying to be the good guy.”

“But I don’t want him to be the good guy. Just for once, I want something for me.” I finished the rest of the jug, put it down and turned to her, “I had a good twenty-three years before the war was over. Then I had one year with Bucky, and while it was in hell, it was great.” Natasha’s eyes seemed to be looking past me, but I just assumed she was drunk, “I love him, desperately. Even if he isn’t Bucky anymore, I still love him. But you know, the way he talked about Steve, even after he thought he was dead, I’d fallen a little in love with him too.”

“Why do you think that Steve turned you down?”

“I don’t know.”

“Come on, I’m sure you must have some idea.” She took a big swig of vodka, “Give it your best shot.”

“I think he feels a sense of loyalty to Bucky. When they were younger, Steve was strong-willed. He didn’t have the body he has now, but whenever someone would beat on him he would get back up. Say ‘I can do this all day.’” I smiled, remembering the wistfulness in Bucky’s voice when he told the story. “They were always there for each other. I think that Steve feels like Bucky sacrificed for him. Even though the idiots loved each other, neither of them knew how the other felt. And they were both too scared, letting society dictate who they can love.” I stood, swaying.

Natasha’s eyes darted behind me again, “You think he’s letting society get in the way of what you three could have. At least, once we get Bucky back.”

I laughed, “Actually, no. If that’s part of it, I wouldn’t have guessed. I’m pretty sure he feels a sense of obligation to Bucky. One that has nothing to do with how they were before the war. I would be willing to bet that he feels guilty. He blames himself for Bucky falling, for being captured by HYDRA. He thinks that he is to blame for everything. But he’s not. The only person who blames him is himself. Bucky used to tell me how he wished he could escape, so he could hold Steve in his arms and tell him that he loves him and doesn’t blame him for anything. He knew that Steve would believe that everything was his fault.”

“What would you tell Steve if he were here right now?”

I walked over to the bar and ducked behind it looking for another jug of mead, “I would tell him that it’s okay to be scared. That he deserved so much better than me. But you know what I would do, once we found Bucky, I would step back. Letting him and Steve get to know each other again.” I stood and saw that Natasha was gone. Steve stood there, hunched over with his hands in his pockets. I gulped, “I would tell him that life is too short to deny yourself happiness.”

Moving around the bar, I walked over to him, reached up and laid my palm against the side of his face, “I would tell you that both you and Bucky deserve better than me. I’ve killed over three hundred people, and that’s just on missions. That doesn’t include the thirty plus HYDRA agents I killed. My soul is dark and twisted. You and Bucky are good. I’m going to get him back, then I’m going to leave. You guys deserve to be happy.”

“Iubita, what about you?”

My heart fluttered. Now that he knew what he meant, I couldn’t believe he was using it still. I took a step back, trying to tamp down my emotions, “The assassin known as Little Death has to come to an end. I need to find a way to make up for the horrible things I did. Bucky was brainwashed, literally had his brain rewired so when a series of words are spoken he becomes a mindless killing machine. I did it all on my own free will.”

“They made you,” he reached out, but I stepped out of reach. Steve sighed, “They tortured you, iubita. They tortured Bucky. This isn’t your fault, any more than it’s his.”

“Oh, and I suppose it’s your fault.” The look in his eyes said yes. I laughed, bitterly, “How the fuck is this your fault? Did you push him off the train? No. You tried to grab him, but he fell. Did you create HYDRA? No. You crashed a plane into freezing cold water in order to save millions, nearly killing yourself in the process.” I sighed, “Bucky wouldn’t kill until they turned him into the Winter Soldier. Me, I folded like a bad poker hand. Do you want to know the kinds of things I’ve done? Do you want to hear stories about how I gutted women in front of their husbands because it was asked of me?”

He looked at me in shock, but I was fairly certain it held a trace of disgust, “I am not a good person, Steve. I may have been once, and yes, Bucky may love me. But that doesn’t make me good.” I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks, but I ignored them, “You are the epitome of righteousness. Everything you’ve ever done, in your entire life, has been selfless and perfect. Even before I was captured, I wasn’t as good as you. I drank, smoked, and fucked around. I joined the USO circuit for the men in uniform, not for any other reason.”

I turned away, not wanting to see the look on his face anymore, “My life hasn’t been tinted by rose-colored glasses, it’s been smudged with tar and sliced open, bleeding my soul out one drop at a time. The only good part of my life was Bucky. The only good part.” I wiped the tears on my cheeks and turned back, “I’m going to leave in the morning. I know approximately where the compound is. Since I know the security, I will sneak in, get Bucky, and bring him here. Maybe that can make up for the horrible things I’ve done.”

“Iubita…”

“No, Steve, please don’t. Don’t call me that unless you mean it. And I know that you can’t mean it that way, because deep down, you know that what I’m saying is true. You were right when you said the three of us can’t be together. But you and Bucky can.” I took a deep breath, “It’s the twenty-first century. Gay marriage is legal. You can be with the man you love and not have to worry about it being illegal.”

I headed for the door, stumbling slightly even though my drunk had mostly worn off, “I’ll say goodbye in the morning. But don’t try to stop me. Because Steve, we still don’t know who’s stronger. And right now, I would be willing to bet I would win. I have nothing left to lose.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually cried writing this chapter. I didn't mean for it to be so angsty. The characters just played it out that way.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a pretty graphic depiction of violence in this chapter during her dream. It's in the part with the italics. Sorry if it bothers anyone.

As I left the room, Natasha was leaned up against the wall right outside the door. She gave me a look that said ‘what are you doing?’ “Now who’s the self-sacrificing idiot?”

“It’s easier this way,” I sighed. “Truthfully, I can never make up for the horrible things I’ve done. At least this way, I can try to make Steve and Bucky’s lives a little better.”

“I understand,” she pushed off the wall and gestured for me to follow her. She didn’t say another word until we were in the elevator, “I’m an assassin too, remember? I’ve done things that I can’t take back. I’ve tried to do good, to help even the scales. But with the kind of life we’ve led, it’s hard to do.”

She pushed open the door to another apartment. Bruce’s voice called from the bedroom, “Nat, you back?” He came out, wearing only a pair of boxers. When he saw me, he froze, “Uh, hey.”

“Sorry, baby, go back to bed. I’ll be there in a minute.” Natasha pressed a soft kiss to his lips, “I’m just going to give her the clothes I bought, then show Războinic to one of the guest rooms.”

Once he was back in their room, I asked, “How does he deal with your past?”

“That’s probably a better question to ask him.” I glared and she laughed, “We both have monsters inside of us. Mine gets angry easily and wants to kill. His is green and also angry. We understand each other.”

“You guys keep talking about this green guy, what exactly do you mean by that?”

She grabbed a shopping bag and then led me out of the apartment, down the hall to a small guest room. It was set up like a hotel, but with only one bed instead of two. She put the bag on the bed, “Do you really not know who the Avengers are?”

“No. The last time I was put in cryo was 1991. When they took me out six months ago, it wasn’t to sit around a campfire singing Kumbaya.”

Natasha sat down on the edge of the bed, “I don’t think any of this will be relevant to your suicide mission tomorrow. But I can tell you everything if you really want to know.”

“It’s okay. Probably better if I don’t know. That way, if something does go wrong and they capture me, I can’t give anything away.” I tried to be nonchalant about it, but in truth, I wanted to know everything. Since being captured, this place felt the most like home to me. But at the same time, I didn’t want to grow to accustomed to a place I was just going to leave. “So, you said something about clothes?”

Grinning, she dumped the bag out on the bed. “Well, I knew you weren’t going to be able to wear my clothes. First, you’re three inches taller than me. Second, you’re about half my size because your so damn skinny.”

“I’m not usually.”

“Oh, I’m not upset that you’re skinnier than me.” She stood, running her hands over her hips, “I like my curves. And I can tell, once we put some weight on you, you’ll have great curves too.” Pulling out a long piece of black cloth, she held it up against me, “This is made of the same material as my… suit. The one I wear when I’m, uh… You said you don’t want to know, but it will protect you at least a little bit tomorrow. It’s really easy to move around in as well.”

I took it from her, “Please tell me you got underwear and shoes in that pile as well.”

“I couldn’t tell what size bra you were, but I bought a sports bra that should fit. And yes, underwear as well.” She dug through the clothes on the bed, pulling out a pair of leather boots, “These should fit you.”

I slid my right foot into one, “Yup, these seem like they’ll work.” I set the items back on the bed and pulled her into a tight hug. It took Natasha a second, but she hugged me back. “You wouldn’t happen to have an extra hair tie I could borrow?”

“No, but…” she took the one holding her braid together out of her hair and handed it to me. “I’ve got more in my room. But, since I’m pretty sure you’re going to leave long before Steve wakes up, no matter what you said to him, take this one.”

“You don’t think I should do this, do you?”

Shrugging, she headed toward the door, “Războinic, you do what you need to. If it were me, I would do the same thing. Steve won’t understand why you need to do it alone, nor will any of the others. But they are more brute force, whereas I’m fairly certain this op will take a certain finesse. I can go with you, but…”

“No, I won’t have your death on my conscience.”

“Bold of you to assume I would die.” Her arms crossed in front of her chest, “I may not have super strength, but I’m still good at my job.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just can’t…”

“Worry about anyone else while trying to free Bucky. I get it, I do. The guys won’t, but I do.” Reaching into her pocket, she handed me a plain white plastic card, “Ask JARVIS to take you to the fortieth floor, third door on the right is the armory. This will get you in. Take what you need, just don’t touch the shelves that have peoples names on them. Some of the guys get testy if their weapons are touched without their permission,” she winked and laughed. “You can take anything of mine that you want though.”

“After you get the weapons, have him take you to the sub-basement. That’s where the garage is. Near the elevator is a metal box on the wall, the card will open that as well. It holds the keys to all the vehicles. If you can ride one, I would suggest taking a motorcycle. They are smaller and more compact, easier to hide. But if you’re bringing Bucky back, you’ll probably want something bigger.” She tapped her chin. Eyes lighting up, she gave me a devious grin, “Take the Audi R8, it’s one of Tony’s favorites. It’s black, fast, and small. With two seats, if you have to bring Bucky in forcefully, or knocked out, it will be easier than a motorcycle.”

“How do I know which keys are his?”

“Each person has a keychain on it with their sup… His have a red and gold circle on them. Mine is dark grey with a black hourglass on it, Steve’s is blue and red with a white star in the middle, Clint’s is the crosshairs of a sniper scope…” she trailed off. Looking into my eyes, she put both hands on my shoulders, “Be careful. I’m helping you not because I don’t think you can do this, but because I want you to come back safe. You and I have more in common than you probably think, and I know how much this must be killing you.”

“Thanks, Natasha.”

“You know, you can call me Nat or Tasha if you want. All the guys do.”

“Do you have a preference?” She shook her head, “Alright… Nat, thanks for all your help. Now, go back to your man. Kiss him, hold him, tell him you love him. Life is too short to not tell the ones we love every day how much they mean to us.”

“Good luck,” Natasha left the room.

Once she was gone, I took all the clothes off the bed, putting them back in the bag. The few items for the next day, I put on top of the dresser. My next stop was the shower. I was too keyed up to sleep, but I knew that I need at least a few hours of shut-eye before trying to infiltrate HYDRA. I took a fast shower, then braided my hair while it was still wet. I climbed into the bed naked, shutting my eyes. Hoping that my sleep would be dreamless. Unfortunately, they were not. My dreams started off the same as the previous night. In the cell, talking to Bucky about Steve. But this time, I didn’t have anyone to wake me.

_We stopped talking as footsteps approached. One of the guards looked at us and sneered, whacking his nightstick into the bars, “Soldier, you are up.” We both knew what that meant. Torture to get him to comply with being in the chair. The chair that would put the programming in his brain. Bucky stood and walked over to the door, standing far enough away that the guard wouldn’t be jumpy, “Don’t try anything, Barnes. You know that he doesn’t like it when you do.”_

_Bucky put his hands behind his back, “Don’t worry, I know the rules.” He turned to face away from them._

_The door opened and they cuffed him, before dragging him out of the cell and pushing him down the corridor. I stood and ran to the edge of my cage, screaming, “Bucky...no.” The guard turned and laughed at me. I yelled, “Bucky, te iubesc_ (I love you) _.” They hit him in the back hard with the nightstick and he fell to the ground. I collapsed onto the floor, screaming and crying, “Bucky...Bucky.”_

_“Hello, fräulein. Have you come to your senses yet?” the German accent sent shudders down my spine. I looked at the man who starred in my nightmares. Short with round glasses, he was everything that defined the so-called perfect race. Evil. His soulless eyes stared at me as he started to laugh, “Fräulein, you are going to be coming with me. I have an idea, you are going to help me figure out if it will work.”_

_I backed up, pressing against the back of my cage. I couldn’t control the tremors. Fear raced through me. Usually, when I started to panic, Bucky was here to calm me down. But they had already taken him away. Another guard entered the cage, a metal baton in his hand. “Please, resist,” the guard hissed at me. His eyes raked up and down my body, “I do so enjoy it when you fight back.”_

_Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, trying to slow down my heart rate. I pushed away from the bars and held my hands above my head, slowly turning and giving him my back. He let out a disappointed sigh, then grabbed one arm after the other, putting me in handcuffs. “Fräulein, thank you for being so cooperative.”_

_They shoved me down the hallway, toward the room they took Bucky into. They had never done this before, take us both in at the same time. When the guard shoved me into the room, I saw Bucky strapped down to a chair, metal shackles holding him in place. His eyes met mine and he looked as terrified as I felt._

_The guard held my arms, making it so I couldn’t move any closer to Bucky. The doctor came into the room and looked between us, “You should know, Herr Barnes, your liebchen is a strong woman. She has not broken yet.” He walked over to me, running his hand through my hair, “What did it take for you? Oh, that’s right, when you found out your beloved Captain America was dead.”_

_Bucky yelled, pulling against the metal shackles. They groaned, but held, “Screw you,_ _Müller_ _.”_

_“I wonder what it will take to break Fräulein Markov? Torture doesn’t work,” his hand slipped down my face, onto my chest. When it slid under my shirt and he gripped my breast, I had to force myself not to react, “This doesn’t work either. Although, I will say the guards enjoy it.”_

_Bucky started struggling again, “Fuck you,_ _Müller, leave her alone. You want to hurt someone, hurt me.”_

 _Müller moved away from me, heading back toward Bucky, “Herr Barnes, have you not realized yet? That is the plan.” He picked up a knife, handing it to another guard. That one went over to Bucky, slicing through his thin shirt so his chest was bare. Where the metal met the skin looked red and angry, it hadn’t been that long since they had grafted it to his body. “Herr Barnes, you broke when you learned the man you loved was dead._ _Fräulein Markov loves you. How do you think she will react when we hurt you?”_

_The doctor nodded and the guard got an evil grin on his face. He took the knife cutting a line down Bucky’s chest.  It bled a lot, but he didn’t make a sound. Still, that grin never wavered. He cut another line, two inches to the left of the first. Then, another at the top connecting the two. Slipping the blade under the skin, he pulled the top up, ever so slightly._

_Bucky’s eyes went wide and he said, “Look away, iubita.”_

_The doctor came over to me, backhanding my cheek, “Look away, fräulein, and I will cut off your eyelids. I want you to see what your stubbornness has wrought.”_

_The guard grinned, set down the knife, and gripped the skin between his fingers. I couldn’t help it, I stared, not believing what they were doing. I must have been speaking, because the doctor laughed, “You can say no all you want, fräulein, but this is what I must do for my people.”_

_The guard laughed as well, then gripping the skin he pulled, ripping it off Bucky’s chest until it was just hanging there by a small margin. Bucky screamed in pain. I did as well, sagging to the floor to the guard had to catch me. Tears fell down my face, “Bucky… god… no.” I looked at the evil smile on the doctor’s face, “Fine, I’ll do whatever you want. Please, just don’t hurt him again.”_

_“Fräulein, this is just the beginning. But don’t worry,” he reached under my chin, tilting my head up, “once I know that you are sincere, I will stop hurting Herr Barnes. How much pain he suffers is entirely dependent on your cooperation.”_

_A nurse entered the room and pushed the flap of skin back onto his chest, stitching it on in a few places. Bucky was passed out in the chair from the pain, so he didn’t move when the needle pierced his chest. Once it was held on well enough, she put gauze and tape over it and two guards unshackled him before carrying him out of the room._

_“Now, fräulein, I’m going to let you have some time with Herr Barnes. I expect you to think about what we did. Remember, it will only get worse before it gets better.”_


	10. Chapter 10

I sat up in bed, tears pouring down my face. Wishing like hell that I had someone to wake me up before that part of the dream. I knew what they had done to Bucky in order to make me compliant, but reliving it was worse than knowing. The clock on the nightstand said it was 4:13 AM. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep again, and if I wanted to get out before everyone woke up, I needed to leave soon.

I put on the underwear, then slid on the black bodysuit. It covered me from ankle to wrist, with a zipper from crotch to neck. I zipped it so it just covered the sports bra. My braid got remade, then tied into a tight bun at the base of my skull. Next, the boots were on and I grabbed the keycard Natasha had given me.

When I opened the door, I saw Steve sleeping, sitting against the wall. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms, have him tell me that everything was going to be okay. But instead, I went back into the room and found a pad of paper and a pen so I could write him a quick note.

 _If I_ ~~_die_ ~~ _don’t make it back, promise me that you won’t stop looking for Bucky. I know that you_ ~~_love_ ~~ _care for him. He is going to need a lot of help acclimating after how long he’s been the Winter Soldier. But you’ll need the word that shuts off the programming. It’s_ _утешение_ _, Natasha can help you learn to pronounce it._ ~~_But I will bring him back, or I will die trying._ ~~ _Please don’t follow me. I know that you will want to, you will feel like you have a responsibility to me, but you don’t. You need to survive because if I don’t, someone has to save him. I need you to be safe. Promise me, Steve. Promise me that you will stay here and let me do what needs to be done._

I folded up the piece of paper and opened the door again, he was still sleeping. Quietly, I placed it on his lap and hurried down the hall to the elevator. Luckily, it was far enough away that he wouldn’t hear it when the doors opened. Inside, I said softly, “JARVIS, fortieth floor, please.”

The doors slid shut, “Ma’am, I’ve already had a conversation with Miss Romanov. She told me about her plans to outfit you with weaponry.” The elevator started moving, “She also asked that I not tell anyone your plans. In deference to Miss Romanov, I will not wake anyone up in order to tell them that you are taking weapons and a vehicle. But if they wake up and ask, I will not lie.”

“I don’t expect you to.” The doors slid open, “Thanks, JARVIS. I’ll be right back.”

Three doors down on the right, I placed the card against the panel and the door unlocked. Inside the room were more weapons than I had ever seen before. Racks of military grade guns, knives, anything you could imagine, there it was. Along one wall were several shelves next to one another. Each one had a different name on it. I stopped in front of the one that said ‘Steve Rogers - Captain America.’ The only thing there was two large round shields. They must have been backups because they didn’t have the same coloring as the one I had seen in his apartment.

Moving down the wall, I found the shelf that read ‘Natasha Romanov - Black Widow.’ She had an assortment of weapons. First thing I grabbed was a gun. They were noisy, and not good for stealth, but I would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it. It was in a holster, so I grabbed a belt and slid it onto the leather. Next, I grabbed several clips as well as the holster those went in, adding it to the belt. Then I put it on my waist. Even on the furthest hole in, it was a little big, but it didn’t fall off.

That was when I noticed the knives and thigh sheaths. I picked up two. The sheaths were the kind that hooked onto the belt, then strapped to your thigh so they didn’t move around. I put them on, then pulled out the knives, testing them for balance. They were perfect, not that I should have expected anything less. I found a smaller knife that had an ankle holster, and I slid under the leg of the bodysuit. If somehow I lost the rest of the weapons, I didn’t want to be completely defenseless. The last thing I grabbed was a set of lockpicks. Never knew when that would come in handy.

“JARVIS?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Is there anything in here that’s a communication device. Something I can put in my ear if I need to get in contact with you guys? And maybe something that is a tracker as well?”

“Yes. Go over to the shelf by the door, there are earbuds in there as well as tracking devices.”

I grabbed an earbud and stuck it in my ear. I couldn’t figure out what the tracking devices were. “JARVIS, what on here is the tracking device?”

“Sorry, ma’am. The bowl with all the fifty cent pieces in it. They are engraved on the back with letters representing who they belong to.”

“So, CA is Captain America.”

“Yes, precisely.”

“JARVIS, I know that you have probably realized my plan is foolish and suicidal. I already know that it is, but I can’t draw anyone else into my battle.” I took a deep breath, “And I know that as soon as Tony wakes, you are going to tell him everything because he will realize I am gone and will ask. Just, don’t tell anyone else that I’m taking a communication device or a tracker. Tell Tony that I took one of Steve’s trackers, that way he’ll know what to look for. And ask him not to talk to me while I’m working. The last thing I need is to die because he won’t shut up.”

“Yes, ma’am, I think that is probably for the best. The vehicles also have trackers in them, but I wasn’t going to tell you that.”

I laughed, “JARVIS, I was fairly certain they did. But I want them to know where Bucky is, just in case I don’t make it. The earbud, well, I figure if everything goes to hell and I need them to know, it’s a good idea.” I thought for a second, then realized I wasn’t quite sure how they worked, “Will everyone be able to hear me if I have this thing in?”

“I will keep an open line with you, but no one else will know about it.” He paused, “On missions, we record everything that is said, in the event that we need it for debrief. But, during missions, each person has an earbud and they use the button on the side to broadcast to the others. However, I always hear everything being said. That way, if someone is too injured to broadcast, I can turn it on for them.”

“Good, I’ll let you know if I need Tony to hear anything.” I stuck the coin tracker into a zipped pocket on the suit, “Just, if you can, don’t let Steve listen. If things go bad, and I think they will, I don’t want him to have to hear.”

“Ma’am, I can’t promise Tony won’t give him access, but I can deny him until that happens.”

“Thanks,” I left the room and headed to the elevator. “Alright, let’s go get me a vehicle.”

The elevator went down, not stopping on any other floors. Before I left the elevator, I asked, “JARVIS, is anyone else awake yet?”

“No, ma’am. And in case you were wondering, Steve is still sleeping outside your door.”

“Good.” I went to leave, then stopped, “Can you tell Natasha thanks? Just in case I don’t make it. And tell her that the word to stop the Winter Soldier and turn him back into Bucky is утешение?”

“Yes, ma’am. Please try and stay safe. I know that Captain Rogers will be very sad if you don’t make it back.”

“I’m not so sure that’s true, but thanks for the sentiment.” I stepped out of the elevator and the door shut behind me. Using the card, I opened the metal box and saw many sets of keys. Each person had at least two different sets of keys, except Steve. There was only one set of keys that had the Captain America shield keychain. I picked them up and pressed the beeper. A motorcycle flashed and I grinned. Of course, Steve would ride a motorcycle. Bucky had always said how much he loved them.

I climbed on, put the key into the ignition, and started it. The engine was a little louder than I had thought it would be, but it purred between my thighs. It was large enough that Bucky could sit on it with me. But I figured that if we needed something bigger, we could just steal it. Tony could buy Steve another motorcycle. I wanted something of his with me. Knowing that it could be used against them, I had put the keycard into the box with the keys before shutting it. It was bad enough I had a tracker and earbud on me, I didn’t want HYDRA to get anything else from me.

Driving out of the garage, I grinned. I hadn’t been this excited for something in a long time. Whenever they had sent me on missions, I always got nervous, my stomach twisting into knots. This time, there was an air of excitement. I was doing this for me, not for some covert agency trying to take over the world.

The base HYDRA held me was about two hours outside of the city, behind fences that claimed it was a contaminated work site. One of the things they had taught me was how to keep track of where I was. Then, in the event that I was ever captured by the enemy and they either blindfolded me or put me somewhere I couldn’t see, I would be able to find my way back.

They would do this by tying us up, blindfolding us, then shoving us into a dark van. They would drive around, in random directions. Starting with only a twenty-minute drive, they would time us to see how long it took to find our way back to base camp. Those who couldn’t make their way back were beaten. I had learned quickly, only failing the first time. After that, they increased the amount of time, until we could be in the van for hours and still find our way back.

Unfortunately for them, I used this when they dropped me off at Stark Industries. I had passed out once we were inside the city, but until then, I had a good idea of where their new base was. Not that they did much to hide it from me. They expected that I would already be dead.

I parked the motorcycle about a hundred yards away from the fence, in a patch of dense trees and shrubs. I jogged to the fence and moved along it until I was near the main entrance. There were two guards that patrolled this area. No one was stationed at the entrance because then there would be questions. Why would a contaminated site need heavily armed guards?

They staggered their patrols, so I would need to wait until one passed before moving through the entrance. Footsteps neared and I stepped behind a tree, waiting patiently. When the guard passed me, I slipped behind him, wrapping my arm around his neck. Using my extra strength, I held on until he passed out. Lifting him, I carried him about twenty yards away before dropping him to the ground. My knife quietly slit his throat so he couldn’t wake up and tell them there was an intruder.

I saw an earbud wire dangling from his head, so I pulled on it. There was a small black box with a coiled wire that led up to an earpiece that slipped over the ear. I hooked the box to my belt and put it over the ear without the earbud in. Right now there was silence, which was the way HYDRA worked. But I knew, the second they realized I was there, they would be communicating back and forth.

Moving quickly, I ran through the entrance and into the trees beyond it. Once behind cover, I slowed down, knowing there were more patrols throughout this section. There still wasn’t a lot, and I would probably miss them, but they were there. I ended up killing three more guards on my way deeper into the compound. There wasn’t really a place to hide them, so I just tried to put them behind some brush and keep my fingers crossed that none of the other guards stumbled upon them.

It took about two hours of moving slowly, trying not to be found, but I got to the edge of the trees without anyone seeming to notice. I spoke softly, “JARVIS?”

“Yes, ma’am. I didn’t expect to hear from you. Are you in need of assistance?” his robotic British voice was oddly soothing as I stood there, trying to curtail my panic at being back in the place that had held me hostage.

“Is everyone awake?”

“Yes.” He paused, “Tony asked where you were and I told him. Captain Rogers was very unhappy that I would not tell him where you went. He even cornered Miss Romanov, yelling at her for helping you.”

“Goddammit.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, taking a deep breath, “He hasn’t come after me, has he?”

“No, ma’am. Just like you asked for. Only Tony knows you have a tracker and earbud.”

“Thanks, JARVIS.” Before I started heading toward the building, I added, “JARVIS, if I don’t make it out of this, will you please just tell everyone thank you? And tell Steve that I’m sorry.”

“Yes, ma’am. I will do that. But please be careful. I would much rather have you come back in one piece than have to anger Captain Rogers again.”

“I’ll try.”

I stood there for a few minutes, waiting for the guard on the roof to look away. Once he did, I sprinted to the side door and opened it. It was unlocked. That was weird. Normally, HYDRA kept everything under tight lock and key, with alarms everywhere. Suddenly, red lights started flashing and a voice came on over the earpiece, “Little Death, did you miss us?”

That voice. The same bastard who pushed me out of the van, leaving me to die. I pushed the button on the cord to talk, “Fuck you, asshole.”

“Tsk tsk. Is that any way to talk to your better?” his voice sounded just as dead and evil as it always had. I could picture his dark hair and eyes, staring at me as he laid on top of me. He always enjoyed forcing me, laughing at the fact that I couldn’t escape the metal cuffs any better than Bucky could.

“Asshole, you are not my better.” I moved down the hall, taking the gun out of the holster. “You’re just lucky I’m not here for you.”

“Oh, I know,” cocky little shit. “Don’t worry, the Winter Soldier is on his way to you. He will capture you again and then what will you do?”

“One of these days, I am going to cut out your heart and eat it for breakfast.”

I heard a door open from down the hall and I ducked into a doorway. He laughed, “Good luck with that. Oh, and Markov, you should have stayed gone.”

When his voice cut out, I took off the earpiece and threw it to the ground. Now that they knew it was compromised, there was no way they would use it for anything else other than to taunt me. And if Bucky was coming for me, I would need to not be distracted.

“Little Death,” a voice yelled down the hall. It was Bucky. My heart skipped a beat and I smiled. Thank god he was still alive. “Make it easy on yourself, surrender.”

“Nu mă voi preda niciodată ( _will never surrender_ ).”

“Atunci vei muri ( _Then you will die_ ).” His voice sounded dull and wooden, almost as if he were a robot. But I knew it was just the Winter Soldier talking, not my Bucky.

“Bucky, te rog. Nu trebuie să faci asta. ( _Bucky, please. You don't have to do this._ )” I pleaded with him, hoping that my voice would somehow get through to him.

“Yes, I do.”

“L-am găsit pe Steve. E în viată. ( _I've found Steve. He's alive._ )”

“Steve?” he sounded confused and more like himself. I looked around the corner and saw him standing about ten feet from me, a perplexed look on his face. “Nu, e mort. ( _No, he’s dead._ )”

I stepped out of the doorway after putting the gun back in the holster. Putting both my hands in the air, I tried to look as harmless as possible. Blue dead eyes stared at me from beneath his long shaggy brown hair. I couldn’t help but feel happy seeing him again, even if it was under horrible circumstances. “Îți jur, în viața mea, Steve trăiește. ( _I swear to you, by my very life, Steve is alive._ )” I took a couple of steps closer to him, “Nu vrei să-l mai Vezi ( _Don’t you want to see him again_ )?”

An angry look crossed over his face and he rushed toward me, punching with his metal arm. I ducked beneath it, moving behind him. He spun around, “You will not trick me, Little Death. I have my orders.” His fist came out of nowhere, connecting with my stomach.

I grunted, doubling over in pain. Even though I was stronger than normal, getting punched with a metal arm hurt like a son of a bitch. Wheezing, I stood back up, rubbing at the tender spot, “That’s one, you won’t get another.” I tried to interject humor into my words, trying to see if I could get him to come back to me without using the word.

The problem with using the keyword to get him out of Winter Soldier mode was the fact that he would most likely pass out. When they used the words to turn him into Winter Soldier, it also increased something inside of him that worked him harder than he would normally. The one time I had seen the keyword used to turn him off, he had stumbled around like he was drunk before falling down. If I was going to get him out of here, I needed to try to get him to realize who I was on his own.

His arm came at my face this time. I stopped it with my hands, holding onto his arm. Spinning around, I locked my arms around his neck, holding on tight enough that he couldn’t pry me away, but not tight enough that he would pass out. Both of his arms pulled at mine, trying to disconnect me. I whispered in his ear, “Bucky, my love, please come back to me. I need you. Please.”

“You will not trick me.” He elbowed me hard and I released him, falling back. An evil grin came over his face, “Do you really think you can defeat me?”

This was it, I had to make a choice. “No, I don’t.” I stood up straight and took a step back, just out of his reach, “But I don’t need to.” I did what I had to do, “утешение.”


	11. Chapter 11

Bucky swayed, his eyes glazing over. Rushing forward, I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him upright, “Bucky, dragostea mea, te rog spune ceva ( _Bucky, my love, please say something_ ).”

He looked down at me, blue eyes lighting with recognition, “Katerina?” Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out.

“Fuck.” I put him over my shoulder, carrying him as I headed toward the exit. “JARVIS?” I pushed open the back door. Not seeing anyone, I started jogging back to the tree line.

“Yes, ma’am. I believe congratulations are in order?”

“Not yet, they knew I was here. And unfortunately, Bucky is out cold.” I was still jogging through the woods, uncertain as to why there wasn’t anyone chasing me.

Bucky started to groan and I stopped, setting him down gently. I sat him up against a tree trunk and crouched down by him, tucking his hair behind his ear, “Bucky.”

“Iubita, what happened?” his breaths were coming out rapid, and I knew he was panicking.

Straddling him, I put both of my hands on his face, “Breathe with me, Bucky. In and out, nice and slow.” I slowed my breathing, waiting until he matched it. Leaning forward, I placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “I love you. God, I’ve missed you so much, Bucky.” I wrapped my arms around him, almost crying when his arms encircled me.

“Ma’am, I have Tony on standby. Would you like me to put him through?”

I sat up, wiping the tears that had fallen, “Sure.”

“Razi, glad to hear you’re still alive.” He sounded happy and confident, like normal. He must have not turned off his microphone, because I heard him say, “Steve, back off. She didn’t want to talk to you. That’s what you get for making her cry.” I heard Steve curse and had to bite back a laugh. “We’re on our way to pick you up.”

“Wait, what?” I looked confused. When Bucky frowned, I showed him the earpiece, “They’re friends, Buck. I promise you can trust them.” I took a deep breath, “I take it you followed my signal?”

“You mean your Captain America signal?” Tony laughed, “Yeah, we followed that.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “Just so you know, Steve isn’t happy you took his baby.”

“Good,” I chuckled and stood, pulling Bucky up with me. He was a little unsteady on his feet, but at least he was standing. "How exactly are you guys picking me up? It's not like JARVIS told you I needed a pickup two hours ago."

"Nope, we've got a plane." I could hear the smile in his voice, "We left about fifteen minutes ago. We've still got another twenty before we reach your location."

"Can you walk, Bucky?"

"If you hold me up, I can try." He sounded exhausted, "We need to get out of here, iubita."

"Can you make it to Steve's motorcycle?" Tony asked.

"I think so."

"We'll be tracking your movement. I'll contact you again when we're close."

When he quieted, I got under Bucky's arm a little more firmly, trying to take as much if his weight as I could. "Come on, love. Let's get the hell out of here."

It was slow going, longer than twenty minutes, but less than it took me to get there. By the time we reached the main entrance, I was starting to get worried. Someone should have caught up to us by now. I just couldn't believe they would let us go without a good reason.

When we got to the motorcycle, Tony contacted me again, "We've found a place to touch down. A field about five minutes West of you. Will Bucky fit on the motorcycle with you?"

"Yes," I looked at him. "We'll be there soon." I had to let go of him to get in the seat. I helped him climb on behind me, "Hold in, Buck, it's only a few minutes away."

"I'll survive, iubita. Just go."

We flew down the road, Bucky's arms tight around me. When we got close to the pickup point, I saw a futuristic looking plane parked on the ground. The back was open, Tony and Steve standing just outside the ramp. I pulled up and Bucky fell off the back.

I didn't even try to put the kickstand down, I just turned it off and let it fall so I could help him. Steve was standing there slack-jawed, staring at Bucky. I guess knowing your best friend is alive, and seeing it are two different things.

I fell to my knees, "Bucky, ești bine ( _Bucky, are you okay_ )?"

"E în viată. Steve e în viață. Nu mințeai. ( _He's alive. Steve is alive. You weren't lying._ )" He sounded like he was in shock, "O iau razna ( _Am I going crazy_ )?"

"Nu, dragostea mea. O să-ți explic totul mai târziu. Poți să te ridici? ( _No, my love. I'll explain everything later. Can you get up?_ )"

"I'll try."

I put my arm under his and lifted him up, "Steve, grab your motorcycle. We need to get him back to the tower." I didn’t wait until he listened to me, I just basically carried Bucky into the plane. When I saw Natasha sitting there, grinning, I almost cried. “Nat…”

“Hey, Războinic. Good job getting Bucky out of there.” She must have seen the look on my face, because she quickly turned serious, “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll tell you guys everything later. We need to get out of here.”

I put Bucky in a seat and buckled him in, “Cum te simti ( _How do you feel_ )?”

“De ce vorbești limba română, iubita? Parcă spuneai că sunt prieteni. ( _Why are you speaking Romanian, sweetheart? I thought you said these were friends._ )” His words came out strained, “Suntem în siguranță ( _Are we safe_ )?”

“Oh, god, Bucky. Yes, yes we are.” I crouched in front of him, hands on his thighs, “I’m sorry, love. It’s just when they helped me, Romanian was easier. I thought it might be the same for you. Te iubesc ( _I love you_ ).” I moved my hands to his face, crying because it was the first time in years that I had been this close to my Bucky, “Îmi pare rău că nu te-am scos de acolo mai devreme ( _I'm so sorry I didn't get you out of there sooner_ ).”

The plane took off and Steve was standing there, looking at us both awkwardly. He didn’t say anything, just stared at Bucky, almost as if he were afraid he was going to disappear. It must have been too much, because Bucky pulled me up and onto his lap sideways, burying his face into my neck, “I’m sorry, iubita. I’m sorry.” He started crying as he held me tight, “I remember everything from the past six months. Everything they had me do. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Love, it’s okay.” I placed my lips next to his ear, whispering softly, “I love you. I know it wasn’t you. No one is going to look at you differently because you were under the control of HYDRA.”

“I should have stopped them. I should have…”

“It’s not your fault.” I leaned back a little so I could cup his face with my hands, “Dragostea mea, tu ești lumina vieții mele. Nu contează ce mi-a făcut soldatul de iarnă, n-ai fost tu. ( _My love, you are the light of my life. It doesn't matter what the winter soldier did to me, it wasn't you._ )” I kissed him lightly, teasing my tongue against his lips, “Nu voi fi niciodată supărată pe tine pentru ce te-au obligat să faci. Nu te-aș putea urî pentru ceea ce te-au obligat să faci. Ești cel mai bun lucru care mi s-a întâmplat vreodată. Te iubesc. ( _I will never be mad at you for what they made you do. I could never hate you for what they made you do. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you._ )”

Natasha stood up and came over, resting her hand on my shoulder, “Bucky, as long as I or Războinic are around, you will be safe. I can’t promise for anyone else, but we will protect you. Ai cuvântul meu de onoare pentru asta. În calitate de văduvă neagră, îți jur, pe viața mea, că te voi proteja. ( _You have my word of honor on that. As the Black Widow, I swear to you, upon my life, that I will protect you._ )”

“Wait,” I turned toward her, “you’re the Black Widow?”

She shrugged, “I told you I was an assassin.”

“I mean, I knew that, but damn.” I grinned gleefully, “I never thought I would meet the woman that kept even my captors on their toes.”

Laughing, she patted my shoulder before taking her seat again, “Well, it seems both of our leaders were terrified of women that could kill them. Small world.”

“Multumesc, vaduva neagra. Îți mulțumesc că ai avut grijă de Katerina a mea când nu am putut. ( _Thank you, Black Widow. Thank you for taking care of my Katerina when I could not._ )” His words came out strong. Stronger than anything else he had said since becoming Bucky again, “Îți datorez o mare datorie ( _I owe you a great debt_ ).”

“No, you don’t. Just take care of her, we’ll call it even.” She looked at me, “So, Katerina?”

I flushed, “Last night I remembered my last name in a dream. I still didn’t remember my first name until Bucky called me by it. My name is Katerina Markov.”

“To be honest, I was getting used to calling you warrior.”

“I liked it, too. Made me feel like I was more than just a mindless killer.” I wrapped my arms around Bucky, enjoying the feeling of his warmth, even the metal arm. “I just wish…”

“No, iubita. Don’t wish for things we can’t have.” Bucky placed a kiss on the side of my neck, “Remember, all wishes do is break you.”

“Bucky, Steve e în viață ( _Bucky, Steve is alive_ ).”

“Contează. Nu va simți niciodată așa despre mine. ( _t doesn't matter. He will never feel that way about me._ )”

“El te iubeste ( _He loves you_ ).”

“No, don’t say that. You know what that will do to me,” he buried his face in my neck again. “I can’t lose… Nu-l pot pierde din nou ( _I can’t lose him again_ ).”

“You know,” Steve spoke softly. “If you’re going to talk about a guy, the least you could do is speak English.”

Natasha stood, “Bend down.” He leaned over a little bit and she smacked the back of his head, “Stop being an ass.”

Bucky chuckled against the side of my neck. Steve looked embarrassed, “Sorry, it’s just… Bucky, you’re alive. I’ve thought since 1945 that you were dead. To see you sitting there.” His voice broke, “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

“I could say the same thing, you know.” Bucky’s voice was calm. But then again, he was always better than me at masking his emotions. I knew he didn’t want to give Steve the chance to hurt him, “I was told that you died in a plane crash.”

“Yes, we know. You both thought the other was dead,” Natasha spoke with so much sarcasm it was almost visible. “Look, we’ll be back at the tower in a few minutes. Everyone needs to take a seat and shut up. There are going to be a lot of questions, and I’m pretty sure Bucky needs some sleep.”

“Nat…”

“Don’t start with me… Katerina. You can stay where you are,” she looked at Steve. “Sit your ass down before I make you.”

He did as she said and we all sat there in silence as the plane landed. When the back opened the ramp extended, I got off Bucky’s lap, helping him with the buckles. Several armed guards rushed onto the plane, pointing guns at us. I turned around a murderous look on my face, “I swear and fucking vow if you guys don’t point those guns somewhere else. I will find you in your sleep, cut out your heart and eat it for breakfast.” I took a menacing step toward them, “Or better yet, I’ll cut your organs out one by one, feeding them to you until you die.”

The guards all turned sheet white, but they kept pointing guns at us. I growled and Steve got between me and them, “Put the guns down guys, they’re not a danger.” The guards put down their weapons and backed off the plane.

“Great, they listen to you, oh mister reasonable one.”

“Iubita,” Bucky gave him a sharp look and he blanched, “Katerina, it’s because I’m their superior. They don’t know you from any other random person off the street. Of course, they won’t listen to you.”

I helped Bucky up and he gave me a weird look, “De ce te-a sunat Steve iubita ( _Why did Steve call you sweetheart_ )?”

“It’s a long story, Buck. Everything’s a long story. Let’s just get you to my room, get you a shower, and then some sleep. When tomorrow comes, I’ll tell you everything.”

Bruce walked on the plane at that moment, “Actually…” He gave me an apologetic smile, “We need to check him out a little before he stays. Just in case he has a tracker or something on him. Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” Bucky sounded tired as he threw his arm over my shoulder. I was taking less of his weight as he tried to walk, but when he stumbled, I lifted him up more. Steve came over to help, but Bucky just glared at him, “Take me to your doctor, do whatever you need to me. Just, I need Katerina by my side. I don’t know you, no offense.”

“None taken,” Bruce gave a more genuine smile. “And we don’t have a real doctor, not for us. You just get me. Although, I fixed…” he looked at me quizzically, “Katerina up and she’s fine.”

“He’s a better doctor than the asshole that worked on us, love. I trust him.” I gave Bruce a look, “Yeah, sorry, I remembered my name with Bucky’s help. It’s Katerina Markov.” I turned to Natasha and Tony, who were just standing there watching the exchange, “Can you guys just tell everyone else so I don’t have to keep reiterating it?” They nodded, “Thanks.”

“If Katerina trusts you, then so do I.” He groaned, “I’m not going to be able to stand for long, so if we could hurry this along, that would be fantastic.”

Quickly, we went into the tower and up to the floor with the infirmary. Bruce, Natasha, and Steve were the only ones who came. Tony decided he was the designated person to tell everyone that Bucky was here and who I really was. I lifted him up onto the table. I moved to get out of the way, but Bucky grabbed my arm with his metal hand, “Iubita, te rog, nu mă părăsi ( _please don't leave me_ ).”

“I’m not going anywhere, Buck. I just need to talk to Steve for a second, I’ll be right back.” He still didn’t let go of my hand, “Natasha, can you stand with Bucky for a second so I can talk to Steve.”

She came over and laid a hand on his arm, giving him a genuine smile, “Hey big guy. She’ll be right back. Besides, remember, I swore on my life that I would protect you. I know that Katerina would kill me if I let anything bad happen to you.”

He let go of my arm, looking embarrassed to be so needy. I walked over to Steve and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the side, “You should give him some space.”

“What do you mean?” he looked crestfallen.

“Look, Bucky had it worse than me. He’s spent more time as the Winter Soldier than as Bucky. Imagine what it would be like if you were awake, but your body did things that you couldn’t control. Now imagine that you, Saint Steve, were forced to do horrible things while you watched unable to stop yourself. That is what it was like for him,” I took a deep breath. “He idolized you, Steve. I know he wouldn’t want you to see him this way. To see him broken and hurting.” I traced a finger down his jaw, stood on my toes, and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, “I promise, I will bring him to you tomorrow. And if there are any problems, I know where to find you.”

He didn’t say anything, just sighed and left. I walked back over and took Bucky’s right hand in mine, rubbing my thumb on his calloused skin. “Sorry, Bucky.” I started to cry, the emotions overwhelming me. Falling forward, I pressed my face into his chest, “I was so scared, Bucky. I’ve never been more terrified in my entire life than when I thought I was going to lose you.”

He rubbed my back with his metal hand, trying to calm me down, “Iubita, you haven’t lost me. I’m right here.” He made shushing noises, “Love, your not-a-doctor needs to check me out. Then we can have some time alone.”

I stood up and wiped at my eyes, “Of course, you’re right.” Both Bruce and Natasha looked at me with pity in their eyes, “Don’t. Just don’t.”

Bruce nodded, “Alright, we need to get these clothes off you so we can check you for trackers and other implants. Then we need to image your arm to see if there’s anything inside that could be dangerous to us.”

I helped Bucky sit up, took off his shirt, then laid him back down. Both Bruce and Natasha did a better job hiding their reaction to his arm going partway onto his chest than they did to my breakdown. For which I was thankful. I undid his pants, started pulling them down, stopping only when I realized he wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Umm, he’s not wearing any underwear.”

Natasha laughed, “Come on, it’s not like I haven’t seen one before.”

Bucky laid his hand on mine, “It’s fine, iubita. I promise.”

I nodded and continued, pulling his pants down until I got to his boots. I took those off, then pulled the pants the rest of the way down. When I got back up, Bruce had already laid a towel across his lap for modesty. I mouthed ‘thank you’ to him, then went back to holding Bucky’s hand.

The inspection of his body took about thirty minutes. Bruce ended up taking a tracker out of his hip, as well as a chip from the base of his neck. It wasn’t as high as mine, so he could do it without knocking him out. Once the arm was imaged, Natasha handed me a pair of sweats and a shirt, just like they had done for me.

I helped him into them, “Are we good to go to my room?”

“I didn’t find anything else, but if anything happens, even in the middle of the night, come find me.” Bruce frowned, “I can’t see inside the arm, so I don’t know if there’s any explosives or anything else. We’ll have to get Tony to look at it tomorrow.”

“If I tell you that there’s nothing, you won’t believe me, will you?” Bucky asked, already knowing the answer.

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, Bucky,” Bruce started. “It’s just that we can’t be certain they didn’t do something to it without your knowledge. That’s all, I swear.”

“Okay,” Bucky stood and I took most of his weight again. “Thank you for helping me. And thank you for helping my Katerina.”

“Go, get some sleep,” Natasha said softly. “We all have a lot to discuss in the morning.”


	12. Chapter 12

Back in my suite, I laid him on the bed. He stared at me as I took off my clothes, standing there naked before him. He grinned and crooked his finger at me. I could see that he was enjoying the view. Slowly, I moved toward him, swaying my hips. When I got onto the bed though, I started crying again and he pulled me into his arms.

“Iubita, what’s wrong?”

“I almost lost you, Bucky.” My body shook as I sobbed, soaking his shirt with my tears, “Since they started putting us in cryo, they never let me see you. They turned you into that… that thing. And you weren’t you. When they finally did let me see you, I realized what they had turned you into. I fought, killing as many of them as I could. But you… you…”

“I know, iubita. I remember.” His voice was soft, “I will never forgive myself for hurting you.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” my voice broke. “They are the ones who did this to us. Just like I told Steve, it’s not your fault.”

“Speaking of Steve…”

I groaned and buried my face more, so he wouldn’t see my flushed cheeks, “I think I may have said a little too much to him.”

“What do you mean, iubita?”

“Remember how when we were first captured, before the serum, back when we used to dream about escape?” He nodded, “I told him how you talked about the three of us, living together in a cabin somewhere, growing old together.”

“Okay, and…”

“I also asked him the same thing I asked you if he had ever thought of being with you that way.” Bucky’s eyes grew wide and a hopeful look crossed his face before he quickly hid it, “He turned bright red, Buck. That was answer enough for me. He also told me that he loved you. It may have been past tense, but he thought you were dead.” My eyes met Bucky’s and all my tension left me. His eyes held so much compassion and love, it was impossible to not feel, “However, he’s a self-sacrificing idiot, your Captain America. He doesn’t want to, and I quote, get in the way of you and your girl.”

“Iubita, that’s just the way Steve is. He doesn’t want to ruin what we have.”

I sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees. Bucky kept laying there, tracing patterns on my back with his fingers, “I think it’s more than that. I think he feels guilty for everything that happened to you. And before you argue with me, I know I’m right about this. He believes it’s his fault for not stopping you from falling. I would be willing to bet that he’s giving up his own happiness to try and make up for his perceived failing you.”

“Iubita…”

There was a knock on the door. I knew it couldn’t be Natasha because it sounded too timid. I kissed Bucky quickly and went over to see who it was. I called through the door, “Who is it?”

“Steve.”

“Hold on,” I rushed back to the bed and dug through the bag, trying to find something to wear.

Bucky stood and put his hands on my shoulders, “Hey, calm down. It’s okay. We can send him away.”

I grabbed a large t-shirt and put it on, sighing in relief when it covered my ass. “Bucky, as much as I love you, you’re still out of it. Get your ass back on the bed.” He sat down on the edge, “Thank you.” I stepped between his open legs, grabbed his head in my hands, and looked down at him, “You know I love you, right?” He nodded, “I would do anything for you. Anything. We’re not sending him away. You need to see him, to tell him in your own words how you feel. This is my choice, don’t be mad at him.”

Moving away, I grabbed a pair of underwear too and slid them on as I walked to the door. When I opened it, Steve was standing there, all drawn into himself. Almost as if he expected me to yell at him. Instead, I walked out the door and pulled him into a big hug. He rested his chin on top of my head and sighed, “Katerina, I didn’t wake you guys up, did I?”

“No, Steve,” I backed out of his embrace. “Bucky and I were just talking. About you, actually.”

“I… I just…”

“It’s okay, Steve.” I smiled brightly to hide my pain, “Go inside, talk to your best friend. Tell him how you feel about him. Life is too fucking short to hide from love.” I placed my hand on his chest, “He loves you, Steve. He never stopped. Not even when he thought you were dead. Just… be gentle with him. Be the man I know you can be.”

I moved out of the way, gesturing for him to go inside. He stopped just inside the door, “Iubita, come with me.”

“No, Steve. You guys need this time.” He frowned and the smile fell off my face, “Please, just go talk to him. Kiss him, hold him, tell him you love him.” With a nod, he went into the room and shut the door. I whispered, “Please make my sacrifice worth it.”

Moving down the hallway, I got into the elevator and told JARVIS to take me to the main floor. It was quiet, too quiet. It wasn’t even that late in the evening. But still, no one was around. I padded my way into the kitchen and opened the fridge, hoping to find something to eat. As I rummaged around in the fridge, a throat cleared behind me.

Dropping the sliced meat I was holding, I spun around, ready to defend myself. My shoulders sagged when I saw it was just Clint. He raised one eyebrow, bent down and picked up the package of meat. “May I?”

“Go ahead.” I moved out of the way, letting him go back into the fridge.

He grabbed several things out and put them on the counter. Methodically, he began to make two sandwiches, not saying a word. When he finished, he handed one to me, then took a big bite of his. “I’m going to tell you something that only Nat knows.” He took another bite, then put the sandwich down, “I’m not telling you this because I trust you. Although, I do trust you, for the simple reason that Nat does. I’m telling you this so you understand that we can have it all. It just takes some work.” He took a deep breath, pulled out his wallet, opened it and took a photo out. “This is my wife and kids. She’s pregnant with my third child right now.”

“What…”

“When I joined the Avengers, I told Fury that the only way I would join was if they were safe. Nothing on the records, a safe and secure place for them to live.” He put the photo away and picked the sandwich back up, “I love my family more than life itself, but I don’t get to see them very often because of what we do. You can have this too, Katerina. You just have to be willing to fight for it.”

“How do I fight for something I’ve already lost?” my voice cracked. “I’m not staying, Clint. I had my time with Bucky. And yes, I love him with all my heart and soul. But deep down, he’s still a good guy. Steve is a good guy, through and through. I’m… I’m not a good person. The things I’ve done…”

“The things you’ve done, are in the past. Do you think that Natasha deserves any less than happiness because of the things she’s done?” I shook my head. “Exactly what I’m trying to say. You did what you had to in order to survive. No one faults you for that. Least of all me or Nat,” he grabbed my hand and squeezed before releasing it. He turned to leave the room, “Just give what I’ve said a ponder. I know Steve, he’ll come around eventually.”

When he was gone, I finished the sandwich. JARVIS came over the loudspeaker, “Miss Markov, I believe you should get back to your room.”

“What’s wrong?” instantly, I went on alert. Worried that something had happened to Steve or Bucky.

“Nothing, yet. Captain Rogers and Mr. Barnes are having a disagreement and it’s becoming rather loud. I’m worried that it may escalate to violence.”

The fact that JARVIS listened in while we were in the bedroom freaked me out a little bit, but in this case, it didn’t seem to be so bad, “Alright, thanks.”

It only took a few minutes to get back to the entrance to my room. JARVIS was right, they were yelling at each other, very loudly. “Fuck you, Steve. What makes you think that you can waltz in here and everything will just be fine?”

“Bucky, I love you,” Steve’s voice was strained.

“Love isn’t enough,” Bucky said as I opened the door. They stood at the edge of the bed, a couple of feet from each other. Neither noticed me come in. Bucky lowered his voice, “I love Katerina, too. Why are you making me choose? Are you so sanctimonious that you can’t get your head out of your ass long enough to realize that the three of us are perfect for each other?”

“God,” Steve ran his hair through his fingers. “Do you know what it was like losing you Bucky? Thinking you were dead? I still completed my mission, even as my heart broke into a million pieces. I couldn’t have you then, I’m not sure I can have you now.” His head dropped down as he looked at the ground, “When Katerina showed up here, and she said that you were alive, all those buried feelings came back.” His shoulders shook and I knew he was trying not to cry. I didn’t interrupt though, just stood silently by the door, “I just don’t know if I can do this, Bucky.”

“A-ți lua inima în dinți,” Bucky reached out for Steve, pulling him into his arms. When he did, he saw me standing by the door and gestured for me to come over. I did but stayed out of reach.

“What does that mean, Buck?” Steve’s voice was strained as he held onto his best friend.

“It literally translates to ‘take your heart in your teeth,’” my voice was soft. Steve pulled away from Bucky and looked at me, then at Bucky. “But that’s the literal translation. It means, to be brave. To dare to do something. He’s saying that you need to be brave, Steve. Try something you never thought possible.”

“I don’t think I can,” his words were barely a whisper and my heart broke for him.

“Steve, it’s like I said. I’m not going to be the one that keeps you two apart any longer.” Bucky’s eyes widened and I realized they hadn’t been fighting about that. Well, shit. “Bucky, I want you guys to have a chance. Then chance you never got before the war.”

“Iubita, what makes you think I would want that?” he sounded angry.

“I know you love him.”

“And I love you, too.” He held out his hand, but I didn’t move any closer. Sighing, he looked sad, “Why are you making me choose? Either I lose Steve, or I lose you?”

“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I crossed my arms over my chest to keep myself from falling into his arms, “I’m making the choice for you. If you had to choose, right now, could you?” His eyes fell from mine, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I choked back a sob, “Steve, I told you to love him, not piss him off. Why couldn’t you just take what I’m giving you?”

“Iubita…” Steve spoke softly.

“No!” I yelled at him, “You don’t get to call me that!”

“Katerina,” he tried again. “I’m not taking him from you.”

“Oh, but I’m supposed to take him from you?” I threw my hands in the air and stalked over to him, poking my finger into his muscular chest, “What makes you think that’s any better?” I poked him again, “I’m poison, Steve. You guys are both good. You have a chance to break free from the shackles of your past and start something beautiful.” Tears streamed down my cheeks as I poked him another time, “I’m not good enough for either of you. My sins weigh heavily on me, and it’s not something I can fix.”

When I tried to poke him again, Steve captured my hand and pulled me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “Bucky,” his voice was soft. Then I felt another warm body at my back and both of them were there, holding onto me. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry if I made you feel like you aren’t worthy.”

No words came to me, all I could do was cry. Bucky tried, “Iubita, whatever gave you the idea that you are poison? You are the best person I know, both inside and out. If you won’t be mad at me for beating the shit out of you, why would I be mad at you for doing what you did?”

“Bucky,” Steve sounded angry. “What do you mean, beating the shit out of her?”

I could tell another argument was about to start so I pinched Steve’s ass, startling him, “I told you what happened the last six months, Steve. I told you that they used the Winter Soldier to hurt me. It wasn’t Bucky. It was never Bucky.”

Steve pulled away so he could look down at me, “I’m sorry, Katerina. This is hard for me. For the first time, in as long as I can remember, the thing I never thought I could have is standing right in front of me.”

“Bucky,” I said.

“No, iubita, not just Bucky.” He tilted my head up, “I’m a mess. I know that you think I’m some kind of saint, but I swear to you I’m not. I want this so badly, it makes my stomach hurt. I’m terrified, iubita. I love Bucky, and I know that in time, I could grow to love you too. But I haven’t had the same life you two have. Your relationship was forged in fire, and still, you both came out stronger for it.”

“Steve,” Bucky stepped away from me and gently moved me to the side. Both men stood there, looking at each other, “I can’t be with you if you don’t give Katerina a chance too. As much as I want to be with you, I can’t if you don’t…”

Steve sighed, pulled Bucky to him, and placed a kiss smack on his lips. It wasn’t sensuous, nor sexy, just the lips of two men meeting for the first time. It was short and sweet, but when Bucky pulled back he was smiling and Steve was too. “I’m an idiot, Bucky. I’m still stuck in the thirties and forties when being with another man was cause to get the shit beaten out of you when you walked down the street. I thought that with everything you’ve had to endure because of me, that I shouldn’t want you to give up anything to be with me.”

“First of all,” Bucky sounded irritated, but he didn’t raise his voice, “nothing that happened to me was your fault.” Steve opened his mouth to argue, “Don’t you fucking dare fight me on this. I’m sure that Katerina has tried to tell you the same thing, but you are too pigheaded to listen. Remember Steve, I know you well. I fell off that train. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t my fault. It was war. Shit happens in war. I shouldn’t have survived the fall, and if it weren’t for Katerina, I probably would have gone crazy sitting in a cell by myself.”

Bucky reached up and put his metal hand behind Steve’s head, “That first year, we kept each other sane by dreaming about what life could be like. And you know what, Steve? Never once did my future not include you. Every single time we talked about life, the future, escape… you were there. I don’t want a life without you in it. Now that I know you’re alive, I don’t want to give you up.” He held out his other hand to me, and I took it, “But I don’t want a future without Katerina either. Please don’t make me choose.”

“I don’t know,” he sounded lost, unsure of himself. Steve spoke quietly, “What if I can’t do it, Bucky? What if I just screw everything up?”

“What if you don’t?”

Steve’s eyes welled with tears, “How are you so sure of this? Of us? How can you be so confident that this is the right thing?”

“Because I know it is. Because deep down in my heart, I know that the three of us could be happy together.” Bucky pulled me against him, rubbing my back absently, “But if you make me choose, Steve, I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive you. Honestly, I don’t know if could choose. For once, can’t you just throw caution to the wind? Where’s that boy who used to fall to the ground, only to stand back up and say ‘I can do this all day?’ What happened to him, Steve? When did he go from being a man not afraid of anything, to a man afraid of everything?”

“I can’t promise forever, Bucky,” Steve said softly.

“We’re not asking for forever, Steve,” I pulled out of Bucky’s arms and turned to him. “We just want you to try. That’s all. If Bucky can love me, in spite of the fact that I’m the most prolific assassin that’s ever lived. If he can love me, in spite of everything I’ve done, then you can take a single leap of faith and at least try to be with us.”

“I am willing to leave, to give you and Bucky the chance you never had.” When Bucky growled, I gave him a look, “But I’m pretty sure now, that would just ruin whatever you guys have. If we realize that this doesn’t work, we can revisit my leaving. But until then, can you just get out of your head for five minutes and try.”

Steve nodded, “I’ll try.”

Bucky sagged in relief and fell to the bed, obviously exhausted. He must have used whatever little energy he had to argue with Steve and force himself to stand up. As he pushed himself up to the pillow so he could get comfortable, I joined him on the bed, putting my back to his stomach. I patted the bed in front of me, “Come on, Steve. First test.”

Steve laughed and laid down on his back, a few inches from me. I laid my arm over his stomach and used all my strength to pull him closer so I could lay my head on his shoulder. Bucky put his arm over my stomach and rested his hand next to mine on Steve’s chest. I started to hum the tune to Sentimental Journey. Within minutes the boys were both sleeping, breathing deep. I closed my eyes, snuggled against them, and fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

When I woke up, the bed was cold. Both of my boys were gone from the room. I threw on a pair of leggings, fixed my hair, then looked around the room just to make sure they weren’t kissing in the bathroom or something. When I didn’t find them, I spoke, “JARVIS? Do you know where Steve and Bucky went?”

“Director Fury asked that he be brought to the conference room for a debriefing.”

My blood boiled, “Why didn't they bring me as well?”

“Directory Fury asked that you not be included in this discussion. He thinks you’re too volatile,” his robotic voice sounded apologetic.

I grabbed one of Natasha’s knives that I hadn’t put away yet, holding it tightly in my hand. I had no plans of cutting anyone, but knowing that I could defend myself made me feel a little better. I stalked down the hallway to the elevator, when I got on, I was fuming, “Take me to the conference room.”

“Miss Markov, I’m not sure that the director…”

“I don’t care what that asshat wants.” My hands clenched into fists and I had to fight to not punch a wall, “Did Tony say I wasn’t allowed?”

“Well, no, but…”

“Then take me to the fucking conference room, right now. Or so help me, I will find your circuit boards and smash them to pieces.”

The AI actually laughed, a joyous sound, “I see why Mr. Stark likes you, Miss Markov.” The elevator came to a halt, “The conference room is to your right at the end of the hall. You can’t miss it.”

My footsteps were silent as I crept down the hall. My goal was to sneak up on them, to see if they were mistreating Bucky. I didn’t believe that Steve would allow that, but I also didn’t know how much sway Fury had over them. With my hand tight around the knife, I knew that I would kill every last one of them if they hurt him, even Steve.

As I neared the end of the hallway, I heard voices talking. No one sounded angry. But one voice stood out to me. I stopped and listened, trying to place it. When I realized where I knew it from, I froze. How did he get here? There was no way it could be him. I backed up until I was back at the elevator. I got on and waited for the door to shut.

Sinking to the floor, I tried to control my breathing. JARVIS spoke, “Miss Markov, I thought you were going to join the group in the conference room.”

My voice wavered, “How many men did Fury bring with him?”

“Just one, Mr. Rumlow.”

“Is there anyone else in there that I haven’t met yet? Anyone other than Rumlow and Fury?” I was trying to figure out if Rumlow was the voice I had heard.

“No. The Avengers are all in there, along with Mr. Barnes.”

“Is there a side entrance into the conference room? One that no one will notice me entering?” I breathed in and out, slowly, trying to stave off my panic.

“I’m sorry, but the only entrances are wide open. The conference room has glass walls, you will not be able to sneak up on them.”

“Do you have eyes in there, JARVIS?” I had finally slowed my heart rate enough that I could stand back up.

“Yes, Miss Markov.”

“Is there an entrance I can take where Rumlow won’t see me enter?”

“Miss Markov, I have to ask you something before I give you this information. Why is it that you wish to hide from an agent of SHIELD?” JARVIS sounded as calm as he ever did.

“Because he’s not just an agent of SHIELD. Trust me on this JARVIS, Rumlow is a bad guy. The worst in fact.”

“I believe you, Miss Markov. Do I need to warn Tony?”

“No!” I yelled. “Just, please tell me I can sneak up on him.”

“Mr. Rumlow’s back is to the main entrance. Director Fury’s is as well. If you are quiet, and none of the Avengers say anything, you should be able to take him by surprise.” He paused, “Please be careful, Miss Markov.”

“I will, JARVIS. Thank you.”

I left the elevator and marched down toward the conference room. When I got closer, I heard the voices again. I pressed against the wall and crept further down. The door was open, thankfully, so I started walking down the middle of the hall as quietly as I could. As I neared the entrance, I saw Natasha’s eyes meet mine. I placed my finger over my mouth, indicating she needed to remain silent. She looked confused, but she just nodded imperceptibly.

Rumlow was standing only a couple of feet from the door, and when I entered, he didn’t notice. The others did, however, so I had to act fast. With one hand I grabbed his arm, twisting it and shoving it up against his back. If he tried to move away, he would break his own arm. With the other, I placed the knife at his throat, pressing hard enough to draw blood.

“Katerina, what are you doing?” Tony sounded confused.

I put my mouth by Rumlow’s ear, “Do you want to tell him? Or should I?”

He started to laugh, at least until I pressed his arm up higher, “You little bitch.”

“Tsk tsk. Is that any way to talk to your better?” I looked around and saw that Fury had a gun pointed at me. The rest of the Avengers, except Bucky, were all standing as if they were getting ready to fight me. Bucky knew that I wouldn’t do anything like this without cause.

Steve took a step toward me, “Katerina, Brock is a friend.” He had his hands up, trying to lull me into a false sense of security. I knew the move, I had used it myself, “Just, let him go and we can talk it out.”

“Steve,” my voice was full of venom. “If you take another step toward me, I will never forgive you.” He halted, then actually took two steps back. I directed my next words to Fury, “Director Fury, are you a part of HYDRA too?”

“You fucking whore,” Rumlow spit out.

Fury’s one good eye looked between me and his man, then he put down the gun on the table, raising his hands in the air, “No, ma’am. I most certainly am not.” He nodded at Rumlow, “Are you saying that Brock is a HYDRA agent?”

“I’m saying that this is the man that raped me nearly every day for the past six months while I was held hostage by HYDRA.” The Avengers fell back, one by one as I spoke, “This is the man who threw me out of the van in front of your tower, Tony, telling me that I had to kill you all to get Bucky back.” I turned my attention back to my captive, “I told you that I would cut out your heart and eat it for breakfast. Maybe I should do that right now.”

Tony took a step forward, stopping only when I glared at him, “Katerina, while you have every right to carve him into a million pieces, we need to get information from him. He is a SHIELD agent, and apparently, he’s a part of HYDRA too. We need to figure out who he is working with.”

“Тоска,” the word came out so softly out of Rumlow’s mouth, I almost missed it. “Ржавый.”

Whey Bucky’s eyes widened, I pressed the knife a little harder, “Shut up.”

“Печь, рассвет.”

“No,” Bucky scrambled out of his chair, moving backward until his back hit glass. His eyes darted around the room wildly, terrified.

“Семнадцать.”

“I’m not going to tell you again. Shut. Up.”

“Доброкачественные.”

By this time Bucky was shaking, Steve standing in front of him trying to figure out what was happening. One look in Bucky’s eyes and I knew exactly what was happening. I knew why he had come with Fury. He was trying to activate the Winter Soldier.

I moved my knife away from his throat and placed the sharp point against the side of his neck, “One more word, Rumlow. And I don’t care what they want to know. I will end you.”

“Девять.”

I shoved the knife deep into his throat, stopping him from saying any more of the words. Letting him fall to the ground with the knife in his neck, I rushed over to Bucky, throwing my arms around him, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I just said it over and over again as Bucky shook. “It’s over, Buck. He can’t finish it.” Bucky’s arms tightened around me, making it difficult to breathe. I tried something else, “утешение, утешение.”

He calmed immediately and slid down to a seated position on the floor. I was still in his arms, so I ended up straddling him. My hands ran up and down his back as I murmured softly in Romanian to him. Sweet nothings that only he could hear.

Natasha was the first to speak up, “Well, I never liked him.”

It was such a random thing to say that the room burst into uncomfortable laughter. I raised my head to look at them, “I’m sorry guys. He was saying the words to activate the Winter Soldier. I won’t let anyone hurt him. Even you. I will kill anyone who even so much as tries to hurt Bucky.”

Steve crouched down by me, putting a hand on my back, “Iubita, it’s over.”

“No, Steve. It’s not.” I looked at Bucky, “Vei fi bine, dragostea mea ( _Will you be okay, my love_ )?” He nodded, giving me the smallest of smiles and released his grip on me. I stood and walked over to where Fury stood, looking down at the body, “I’m taking you at your word, Fury, that you’re not one of them.” I pointed at Rumlow, “But if you have one snake in your house, you have others. I’m not going to apologize for killing him.”

“No one expects you to,” Natasha came up beside me, putting her hand on my arm. “If I ever had the chance to do that to the men that… I would have done the same thing.” She turned me, “There’s something I find interesting, that I was planning on asking you about today.”

“What?”

“The word, the one that turns off the Winter Soldier, утешение. Do you know what that means?” I shook my head and she smiled softly, “It means solace.” She moved her hand up to my cheek, “Tu ești consolare lui, micul războinic. E norocos să te aibă. ( _You are his solace, little warrior. He is lucky to have you._ )”

“No, I am lucky to have him.”

“Damn, if I had ovaries, they would be exploding right now,” Tony said loudly. “Let’s try to tone down the sappy mushy stuff, at least around corpse boy right here.” Tony came over and gave me an interested look, “You handled yourself very well, yesterday and today. I’m impressed.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“You went into HYDRA all by yourself, yet still managed to get Bucky out. Whom, I might add, was basically useless after you did your mojo on him.”

“Yes, Miss Markov, from what Bucky, Steve, and Tony tell me, you could be a great asset to the team.” Fury raised his eyebrow, “Even Miss Romanov has put her two cents in, saying that we would be foolish to not add you to the team.”

I couldn’t help it, I started laughing. At first, it was just a chuckle, but the more I thought about it, the more the laughter became hysterical. Eventually, I was bent over, trying to breathe because the laughter was making it nearly impossible. When I stopped, I was gasping for air, “Are you fucking kidding me?” I looked at Fury, “Do you know who I am? If you did, there is no way in hell you would want me anywhere near whatever the fuck this operation is.”

“Iubita,” Steve started.

“No, just... no.” I sighed, “I know that Captain America is a hero. That’s because he was one during the war. But try to remember, while Steve may have been under ice until a few years ago, I also spent most of the last seventy years in cryo. The last time I spent any appreciable time out in the real world was right after the war. And that was only five or six years while they ‘trained’ me.”

“I keep forgetting we haven’t introduced you to everyone yet,” Natasha said gently. “Basically, the Avengers are a group of heroes. We save people, saved the world a couple of times. Nothing big.”

“It’s even a worse idea then.” I turned to look at Fury, my arms crossed defiantly, “Bucky is a great choice to join you guys. He’s got the same serum I do, and his metal arm is a beneficial thing in combat. He’s not as saintly as Captain America, but he is one of the best people I’ve ever met. They had to wipe out his personality just to get him to kill.” I brought a hand to my face and rubbed the bridge of my nose, “At last count, if I include all the HYDRA agents and Rumlow, I’ve killed 384 people. And by kill, I don’t mean from a distance. Every single kill I made was done one at a time, up close and personal.”

“We don’t care, Miss Markov.” Fury sounded irritated, “You’re right, I didn’t know exactly what you were. Miss Romanov told me that you were the assassin known as Little Death. I’ve heard some stories, but not many. Even though she didn’t know the exact body count, or she was lying to me about it. Either way, it doesn’t matter. One of the things we were discussing this morning was bringing you on board with the group. No one here has any reason why you shouldn’t join. In fact, I’ve never seen so many automatic yes’s in my entire life.”

“But…”

“Miss Markov, I am not going to force you to join the Avengers. As a matter of fact, I would discourage it. You don’t seem to want to be a part of the group, and in the end, that would just get people killed.” He looked down at Rumlow, “But if you can help me route out corruption in SHIELD, I couldn’t care less if you’ve killed 10,000 people. All I care about is the fact that the people in this room seem to trust you. That is good enough for me.”

I opened my mouth to argue again, but he just glared at me and I stopped. He looked around the room, “Tony, I’ll send someone up for the body. If you want, I can have my cleaning crew sent up to take care of the blood. I’m hoping you can at least get Miss Markov to look at personnel files to see if she recognizes any other SHIELD agents.”

“Sure thing.”

Fury left the room and I just stood there, flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe that they all wanted me to join their group. I looked over at Steve and Bucky, both were standing looking at me. Tony had a cocky grin on his face, Natasha looked hopeful, and Bruce just had this expression saying he knew what I was going to choose. The truth was, I didn’t know what I was going to choose. Being part of a group like that, a group that helps people, sounded like an awesome proposition. But could I really do that? Could I outrun my past? If anyone ever found out who I was, would it make the rest of the Avengers look bad?

“You look like your brain is going a thousand miles a minute,” Tony moved closer to me so he could talk softly. “Look, I know that your boy toy and big, dumb, and handsome are going to want you to join. Natasha wants you to join too. Shit, I would love to have another enhanced on the team, if for nothing else than I love watching Steven and Thor get their asses kicked.” He placed a hand on my arm that I didn’t immediately shrug off, “But I’m not going to tell you what to do. I’ve spent the past several years trying to make up for the fact that I’m an asshole playboy, but I still haven’t done it. I don’t know what I would do about the guilt of all those lives on my conscience.”

“That’s not helping Tony,” my voice came out strained. I turned away, “I’m just… gonna go.”

I started walking toward the elevator, trying to get away from everyone and everything. A hand on my arm stopped me. I turned and saw Steve, “Iubita, don’t go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Steve. I just… I’m not good enough to be a hero. I’m just a killer.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am. I’ve never done anything good in my entire life. I grew up during the Great Depression, learned to steal to eat. I joined the USO to meet guys to fuck.” I used crass words just to drive the point across. Steve blanched, “Yes, I slept with more guys than I can count. I bet you can’t say the same thing. You probably remember every single girl's name that you’ve slept with. I can’t even remember how many. I’ve killed countless people. But it’s not just killing, I’ve tortured people. Done things that no one in the right mind would consider worthy to be a hero.”

As I turned to go, he grabbed my arm again, forcing me to face him. He held me in place while he talked, “I’ll admit, hearing you talk this way makes me realize what kinds of things you did, and it scares me. But it doesn’t scare me because it makes me think you are evil.” He brought a hand to my face, brushing the back of his fingers across my cheek, “It scares me because I think about what you had to go through. What you went through alone.”

“Steve…”

“No, Katerina. You’ve thrown so many words at me the past few days, you’re going to listen to a few of mine.” He pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around me, “I’m not as good of a person as everyone makes me out to be. I didn’t start sleeping with women until after the serum. Not because I didn’t want to, but because no woman would even give me the time of day. Peggy Carter was the closest I came, and she and I, well we didn’t work out. But after the serum, girls finally started to notice me. I went through a period where I was out every single night, taking a different girl home to bed. Now, I’ll admit, you have me beat on killing people. But I have killed a few in my day. Even if it was part of the war, I still did it.” He rubbed my back, “I hate that you’re in so much pain, iubita. What can I do to help?”

“Nothing,” I sighed against him. “Exactly what you are doing right now. Just be warned, Captain Rogers, if you’re not careful I’ll fall in love with you.”

Steve tilted my head up and smiled down at me, “That wouldn’t be so bad.” His lips met mine, tongue teasing my lips. I opened my mouth slightly and his tongue slipped in. We kissed for several minutes until we were both breathless, “Yeah, definitely wouldn’t be so bad.”

“You done with my girl, Rogers?” Bucky sounded happy. Steve released me and turned around. Luckily, Bucky was the only one in the hallway, the others had stayed in the conference room. “It’s alright, you guys can keep canoodling,” he smiled. “I like seeing you two together.”

I walked over to him, pressing my lips to his. We kissed briefly, but no less passionately than Steve and I had, “Te iubesc ( _I love you_ ).”

“I love you too, iubita.”

“You know, if everyone keeps speaking Romanian around me, I’m going to have to learn it.” Steve crossed his arms and pretended to pout, “First Nat and Katerina are speaking Romanian, then Thor and Katerina, now you both. I’m starting to feel like there are things you don’t want me to know.”

“Steve, sweetheart,” I grinned and grabbed his hand, pulling him into my and Bucky’s embrace. “All you have to do is ask.” I kissed him quickly, “Te iubesc means I love you. And I promise you, there is nothing I want to hide from you. There is only one thing I haven’t told you about and…”

He pulled back, eyebrows furrowed, “Wait, I thought you told me everything?”

I groaned and buried my face into Bucky’s chest, “Almost everything. I guess you deserve to know since you’re going to try and do this relationship thing with us.” I grabbed a hand from each of my boys, dragging them toward the elevator. “This is not a conversation we should be having in public though.”

I held their hands during the entire elevator ride and the walk to my room. Once we were inside, I made them both sit on the bed. Standing in front of them, I put my arms behind my back so I wouldn’t twist my hands. Steve looked at me and I could tell he knew I was nervous, “Iubita, if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to.”

“No, I need you to know. And to be honest, Bucky doesn’t know either.”

Bucky gave me a look, “What?”

“Sorry, Buck, they did it to me during training and I just never found the right time to tell you.” I had to close my eyes for a second so I wouldn’t see the pain in his eyes, “You were so mad at them, all the time. If I had told you about it, you would have tried to kill them. And then they would have killed you. I couldn’t have survived that place without you.”

“Iubita,” Bucky stood and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry that you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”

I hugged him tightly, then forced him to sit, “It’s fine. It’s in the past.” I looked at each of my boys in turn, “So, during training, they were ‘teaching’ me to become better at seducing men. But, being a girl, there is a chance for a little something to happen if you engage in sexual activities. Children. And they didn’t want that to happen.” I gulped, “So, one day when Bucky was on a mission, they took me into the medical area and…” My voice broke, “They sterilized me. I don’t know exactly what they did, but I haven’t had a period since they operated. They told me that I would never be able to have children.”

I started to cry. When the boys reached out for me, I backed up, “You guys need to decide if you want kids or not. Because I can’t give them to you. And I know for some people, that’s a deal breaker.”

“Katerina,” Steve stood and pulled me into his arms. “I don’t know about Bucky, but I never wanted children. Being a sickly asthmatic kid, I never wanted anyone else to have to live my curse. Then when they put the serum in me, I never wanted anyone to have to deal with that much power and responsibility. Now, it wouldn’t be fair to bring a child into the world when I have to leave them to go save the world. It wouldn’t be fair to a child to have someone come and tell them that their dad wasn’t coming home because he died saving someone else. A child deserves for his parents to always be there for them.” He ran his hand through my hair, “Would I love to have a child, yes. But I had long since decided I was never having any. And if it comes to that, we can adopt.”

Bucky stood and cupped my face, turning it so I looked at him instead of Steve, “Iubita, all I care about is you. If you told me they turned you into a man, I would still love you.” My eyebrow raised and he laughed, “Well, we know I love Steve, so it wouldn’t be that hard to picture you with a dick.” His face flushed, “What I’m trying to say is that I love you. I don’t need children to be complete. And Steve’s right, we can always adopt.”

“Sometimes, I don’t think that you two can be real. I keep expecting to wake up and be back in my cell, freezing and hungry.”

Turning my face back to him, Steve kissed my forehead, “We’re real, sweetheart. And we’re not going anywhere.”


	14. Chapter 14

“Are you sure?” I looked up at Steve, “Cause, if you just disappear on me, I’m not sure I’ll survive.”

Bucky pulled me out of Steve’s arms and into his, “Iubita, I have no plans on ever leaving you.”

“But, Steve…”

“No, iubita. We have all promised we’re going to give this a shot.” He smiled, “Just try to live in the moment.” Bucky leaned down, placing a kiss on my lips as his hands held onto my hips.

Hands trailed up and down my back and I moaned. Steve lifted my shirt as I kissed Bucky, moving underneath it so he could cup my breasts. Bucky’s hands moved down to my ass, squeezing. I leaned back, tilting my head so I could kiss Steve.

Bucky’s hands moved on my ass. When Steve moaned against my mouth, I chuckled, knowing that Bucky was touching him. I stood up straight and moved away, taking off my clothes. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel them against my body. As I took off my clothes, the boys were staring at each other.

Bucky made the first move, gripping the edge of Steve’s shirt and lifting it over his head. His fingers scraped over Steve’s chest, and I grinned as he moaned loudly. Both boys erections were tenting their pants, straining against the fabric. “Fuck, Bucky,” he pulled him closer, mouth crashing against his. I could feel myself growing wetter as I watched Steve and Bucky kiss.

It was raw and passionate. They kissed roughly, almost as if they were devouring each other. Hands moved all around, taking off clothes and palming skin. When Bucky’s hand touched Steve’s cock, he jerked and drew back, breathless. I was lying on the bed, watching them, my fingers touching my wet pussy. They turned toward me, eyes dark and stormy.

Spreading my legs wider, I lifted my arms above my head and grabbed onto the slats of the headboard, “So, who gets me first?”

Bucky turned, kissed Steve hard, then pushed him to the bed. Steve seemed surprised for a second, but he fell on top of me, kissing me with just as much ardor as he had Bucky. One hand slipped between my legs, fingers caressing my folds. I moved my hips, trying to get him to insert something inside me. When my wetness touched the tip of his cock, he moaned and moved his hand.

He was mostly upright as he stared down at me, slowly inserting his thick hard cock into me. Bucky came over, sitting on the bed. His mouth lowered to my breast, licking and nibbling at my nipples. My hips raised when he bit down, forcing Steve all the way in me. He groaned, “Fuck, Bucky, I don’t think I’m going to last.”

He pulled out, thrusting back into me. I lifted Bucky’s head, “Buck, I want you in my mouth.”

Bucky grinned, quickly kneeling by my head, placing his cock at the entrance of my mouth. The boys started fucking each end of me in turn with each other. The sensations were overwhelming. My entire body shook as I came, orgasming one after the other. As the boys came, they kissed each other hard, triggering another release.

I laid there as they pulled out, fully spent. My eyes were closed, so I didn’t see who laid down next to me, wrapping them in their arms. Although, I was pretty sure it was Bucky. Steve brought a wet washcloth out, cleaning us all up before curling next to us in bed.

We stayed in bed for a while, just enjoying each other’s company. Finally, Steve spoke up, “I think we should probably have Katerina look at those photos. What do you think, Buck?”

“Well, I think that maybe you should ask Katerina,” I said snarkily. I climbed out of the bed, not bothering to look at them. There was nothing I disliked more than people pretending I wasn’t in the room. I threw back on the clothes I had been wearing, not bothering with shoes. When I turned back, both boys had amused expressions on their face, “What?”

“It’s just…” Bucky started laughing, Steve following closely behind him. “We just had sex, iubita. Can’t we just enjoy the moment before going to search out trouble.”

“I don’t search out trouble, Bucky,” my tone was sharp. “Did you not see Rumlow upstairs? He was going to turn you back into… that thing. Trouble has already found us. I’m just not letting it fuck up the one good thing I have.” I picked up their pants, throwing them onto the bed, “Now, I’m going to find Tony. When you guys are done pretending your opinion is more valid than mine, come find me.”

I stormed out of the room, heading toward the elevator. I knew that I was being unreasonable, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that feelings aren’t reasonable. You can’t just turn them on and off, no matter how much you pretend that you can. First, they were trying to get me to join the Avengers. Now, Steve was trying to get him and Bucky to make decisions for me. Our relationship was not going to work if they pulled that shit with me.

When I got to the main floor, I saw Tony sitting in the dining room, drinking coffee as he typed away at a handheld computer. I stomped over, “Where are these pictures?”

He looked me up and down, taking in the messy bed head, “Is that a hickey on the side of your neck?”

My hand immediately went to the spot as I flushed, “It’s just… I…”

“Relax, Razi, I’m just messing with you.” He ran a hand through his hair, “You come to look at pictures?” I nodded, “Where are the boy wonder twins?”

I looked behind me really quick, “I don’t know if they’re coming or not. We had a little… disagreement.”

“I’m sure they’ll find us.” Tony stood, “Come on, follow me to my laboratory.” He said it just like a mad scientist would, all evil and cackling. When we got there, it looked like a mechanics shop. A very fancy, high-end mechanics shop. A computer system was on one end, and that is where Tony sat me in front of.

He showed me how to use the computer, how to mark down which ones I thought were agents of HYDRA, and then left me to do my thing. Probably an hour passed before I leaned back, rubbing my eyes. A warm hand landed on my shoulder and I looked up, surprised to see blue eyes looking down at me. Steve smiled softly, “I’m sorry, iubita. I didn’t mean to undermine you.”

I laid my hand on top of his, “It’s okay.” Looking around, I grew confused, “Where’s Bucky?”

“He never could sit still,” Steve laughed. He was here for a while but started to doze off as you were flipping through the pictures. I told him that we would deal with it. How far have you gotten?”

“Well, after taking out you guys, Fury, and Rumlow, I just finished.” I sighed, “I probably should have looked closer, but I was really just looking for faces I recognized. And there were only about eight others that I even saw on a normal basis. I managed to find seven of them in the files, and one of them is a pretty big deal.”

“Who is it?”

“I think we should tell everyone, it’s just easier that way.”

Tony walked in, “Any progress.”

Laughing, I nodded, “Found seven of the eight HYDRA agents I saw on a regular basis the last six months. Probably was just skipping through the pictures too fast, but seven is better than none. Although, I think none would be preferable. But, I did manage to find the leader. At least, the leader of my operation.”

“Who is it?” Tony rubbed his hands together gleefully, “Come on. You got to kill one of them, I want to hurt some bad guys too.” At the end, he sounded so much like a whiny five-year-old that I laughed, “What?”

“Shouldn’t we at least have Fury for this? And what about the others?” I stared him down, “I know that Nat would want to know.”

“Fine,” Tony got up to leave, “we’ll meet in the dining room in thirty minutes.”

Once he was gone, Steve pulled me into his arms, kissing me senseless. I could feel him growing hard against me. “Again, so soon?”

“Sweetheart, I will always want you.” He grabbed my hand, “But we should go back to the bedroom.”

As he pulled me down the hall, I saw a doorway that only had a small glass window. Stopping him, I looked inside and saw that no one was in there. I pushed the door open, pulled him in, and slammed it shut before pushing him against the wall. My tongue thrust into his mouth and I moaned, “No, here.”

Spinning me, he pulled down my pants and felt between my legs, “How are you so wet already?”

“Well, see, I’m always this wet around you.” The zipper noise made me moan. As he placed himself at my entrance, I spread my legs more, standing on my toes to give him better leverage. “Seriously, you should,” he slid all the way in and started fucking me hard, “feel me at any given moment. I never thought I could be this insanely attracted to someone.”

His hips hit hard against me, hands gripping my hips tight, “Fuck, iubita, you are so fucking beautiful.”

“I wonder if Tony has cameras in this room?” I knew my question was devious, I just wondered how Steve felt about public sex. His hips stuttered against mine as he groaned loudly, “Oh, do you like that.” His hand came down on my ass, hard, “You do.” I looked over my shoulder, “Well then, Captain Rogers, fuck me like you mean it.”

It was quick and dirty, but when we were done, we felt satiated. He kissed me softly as we got all tucked back into our pants. “Captain Rogers, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“If Tony gives me any shit for this, I’m blaming it squarely on you,” he laughed.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him again, “He’s already given me shit for the hickey one of you gave me. A little sex between friends isn’t that big a deal. Plus, he is like forty-something. I’m sure he’s had sex down here multiple times.”

“And now I need to wash my brain out with bleach.”

We got to the dining room and saw everyone sitting around the table. Tony gave me a knowing look, causing me to flush. He didn’t say anything, choosing instead to just waggle his eyebrows. Fury was standing, glaring at us all, “Miss Markov, Tony said you have something for me.”

I sat down, Steve took the seat next to me. Bucky was further down the table next to Natasha. “First, I found seven names. Six are peons, they were just guards who beat me and did other things. I couldn’t find the seventh guard, but I’m sure that he’s a part of SHIELD too, I just missed him. There were a total of eight people I interacted with, nine if you count Rumlow.” I took a deep breath, “The guy that I need to tell you about, he’s fucking evil. I mean, he’s about as bad as anything I saw while being under HYDRAs thumb.”

As Steve took my hand in his, Fury nodded, “Alright. Tell me who it is and we’ll get him out.”

“I don’t think it will be that easy,” I said as Fury glared at me. “It’s Alexander Pierce.”

Fury sat down at the table, mouth agape, “What the absolute fuck?”

“No way,” Tony gave me an incredulous look. “I don’t believe it.”

“It’s true. He told me about this plan he has, to wipe out all the undesirables. Anyone who would buck authority, cause tension, anything at all. Apparently, they’re working on a computer program that can find out who these people are.” I looked down at the table, not wanting to see their faces, “He told me how you have these three warships that can fly. I’m not sure how, considering they are supposed to be gigantic, but they each have hundreds of guns that can kill thousands a second. He’s planning on using them to decimate the population.”

“Are you sure it’s Alexander Pierce?” Fury’s voice was tight, full of barely concealed rage. I nodded and he stood, “We have to stop him.”

“I agree,” Steve said, the only calm one at the table. “But he is very high up in SHIELD. We need a good way to get him to come out in the open where we can grab him. I don’t think we’re going to be able to oust him without a fight. He can just say that we’re HYDRA, which would invalidate everything we’re trying to do.”

“Look at you, Cap, almost sounds like you know how to plan a war,” Tony smiled and winked. “I think that Katerina has an idea. I can see it percolating in her brain.”

“I do,” I sighed. “But I’m pretty sure it’s bad.”

“It can’t be worse than anything Stark could come up with,” Fury sat back down. “Out with it, Markov. We don’t have all day.”

“It requires bait,” I looked over at Bucky. “I’m sorry, love, but I think the easiest way to get Pierce to come to us is if you bring me in.”

“No,” Bucky’s voice was firm.

“Bucky, it’s the only idea that will work. He doesn’t know that Rumlow is dead.” I looked at Fury, “Does he?” When Fury shook his head, I smiled, “He probably knows that I’ve defected and rescued you. But if you contact him, pretending to be still a part of HYDRA and…”

“No. Not only no, but fuck no.”

“Please, Buck. I need to do this,” my voice was pleading. “I need to help stop this. So many things have gone wrong. Getting you back was the only good thing,” I squeezed Steve’s hand. “Well, and meeting Steve. But you are the only good thing to come out of me being in HYDRA. Pierce always hated me. He was behind your mission back in the 90s, the one where you…” I stopped and looked at Tony briefly, “When I found out you were the Winter Soldier and he laughed at me before locking me up. I don’t know why he brought me out of cryo, but the bastard needs to pay. If you don’t take me in, he will never believe that I came back on my own. Not after how Rumlow treated me.”

“I don’t think I can,” Bucky stood. “I’m sorry.”

I stood and ran over to him, grabbing his arm before he could leave the room, “Bucky, ai încredere în mine ( _do you trust me_ )?” He nodded, “I will be safe, I promise. We're going to use everyone for this, not just me. I won't be alone. You will be with me, Steve will be waiting in the wings. I’m sure Tony will be there too.” I reached up to cup his cheek, “I can’t do this alone, love. You are the key to making it work. But if you force me to do this by myself, I will. It will just end up being messier and more violent, and who knows who might get hurt.”

“Dammit,” Bucky lowered his head until his forehead rested on mine. “You are kind of manipulative, you know that? You’re lucky I love you.” I grinned and he glared at me, “I’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” I gave him a hug. “Nothing bad will happen, I swear to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Another story idea came to me, and I had to write part of it. I ended up writing 10,000 words yesterday on it before I could stop. But it overtook everything else in my head, making it impossible to work on this story. I'm not even sure that this chapter is good, but the story should be getting better. I have an idea of where I want the story to go, so we'll see what happens. Also, I want to apologize for my horrid sex scenes. They make me want to cringe, but I don't edit before I post so I'm leaving them in.


	15. Chapter 15

“Come on, Bucky. Let’s go sit back down,” I kissed him, grabbed his hand and dragged him back over to the table. He sat down and I sat on his lap, not wanting to let him out of my sight. Plus, I knew that my nearness would make him a little less angry at me. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper that I handed to Fury, “There are the other names. However, I would suggest that we get Pierce first before going after them. Pierce may be an asshole Nazi HYDRA douche, but he’s not stupid.”

Fury took the paper from me, putting it away without looking at it. “Thank you, Miss Markov.” He stood, “Mr. Stark, I expect that you will inform me the minute a plan is underway to bring down Pierce.”

“Sure thing, Fury,” for once, Tony didn’t sound even slightly sarcastic.

After he was gone, we spent the next hour or so discussing plans for getting Pierce to believe that Bucky would bring me in. Most of our plan hinged on Bucky’s acting abilities, which I wasn’t completely sold on, but I had faith that he could pull it off. During the entire conversation, Bucky had his arms wrapped around my waist, face buried in the back of my neck. He didn’t say a word, except when asked a direct question.

I could tell that he was uncomfortable with the idea of using me as bait. Not to mention my not so subtle manipulation of his emotions. Quite honestly, probably the worst thing I had ever done to him. It made me feel horrible, worse than all of the deaths on my conscience. But I tried to play it off like I was engaged in the conversation, not wanting anyone to realize something was up.

During the planning, Steve kept looking at us with this wistful expression on his face. Even though it had only been a short amount of time, I could tell that he was starting to feel something for me. Whether he was on the way to love or not, well that was another question. But I knew that he loved Bucky, and since I did too, that gave us something to bond over.

The discussion changed, moving to talk of the Avengers. Natasha looked at me, “I just realized something. We never introduced you to our Avengers personas.”

“Well, I already know that Steve is Captain America. I knew that back in 1945 thanks to Bucky,” I patted the hand that was on my waist. “And I know that you’re known as the Black Widow. The second most successful female assassin. Second only to me of course,” I winked at her. “I guess it is time to tell me about the rest of you. Especially, since you all seem to want me to join you. For whatever reason, I will never know.”

“I’m Hawkeye,” Clint said, matter-of-factly. “Resident archer extraordinaire. If you want to learn to shoot a bow and arrow, let me know. I’ll be happy to teach you.”

“Razi, while I’m very obviously the most successful and handsome one in the group,” we all groaned at Tony. “I am Iron Man.”

“He flies around in a metal suit, shooting beams out of his hands,” Natasha grinned. “But don’t let him fool you, he’s a pretty good egg. Even if he is a little egotistical.”

Thor smiled at me, “Fair maiden, I am of Asgard. God of thunder. Heir to the throne.” He winked at me, “One day, you and I will need to visit Asgard so I can show you the many wonders of my land. All others have partaken of my generosity as host, it is only fair that you should as well.”

“As long as there is mead involved, I’m in.” Sam and Rhodey weren’t there, so I turned to Bruce, the only one who hadn’t said anything. He was looking down at the table, “What about you, Bruce?”

“I…” he sighed, “I really hate talking about this.”

“Honey, it’s okay,” Natasha rubbed his back. “We can tell her later if you want to wait.”

“No, I’ll do it.” He looked up at me, “I’m the Hulk. I was experimenting a while back and got radiation poisoning. Basically, it turned me into a monster. When I get too angry, I turn into the green guy.”

Tony pulled out his phone, did something to it, and handed it to me. On it, was a picture of this large green monster, wearing only a pair of small purple shorts. He was standing next to the rest of the Avengers, grinning madly. I handed the phone back, reached across the table and grabbed Bruce’s hand, “I understand. I have a monster inside of me too. It might not turn me into an eight-foot tall giant who is three times the size of a normal human, but when I get mad… Let’s just say that my captors didn’t like it when I got mad. Bucky can tell you, it was not a fun sight to behold.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky lifted his head up enough to speak without being muffled. “Seeing you get angry is the funniest thing ever.”

I pinched his leg and he yelped, “Excuse me?”

“I just mean, it’s hilarious watching you get pissed and beat up people. Not that I like having you mad, iubita.” He whispered against my ear, “I never want you mad if I can help it. That’s why I said I would do this insane plan of yours.”

“Thanks, Katerina,” Bruce was calm. “Nat tells me the same thing all the time. That she has a monster too, just hers likes to kill whereas mine likes to smash. I guess everyone at this table has a little bit of a monster inside of them.”

Tony turned to Steve, “Except Cap here. The only monster he has is the thing between his legs.”

I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh, my head falling forward to the table. Steve turned such a violent shade of red, he looked like a tomato. Everyone else stared at him for a couple of minutes, before they chuckled too. Nothing quite as excessive as what I had done, but they still laughed.

When I could breathe again, I looked up at Tony, “And pray tell, how exactly do you know the size of Steve’s… package?”

What I didn’t expect was for him to tell the truth, “If you don’t want people to see your dick, Steve, don’t fuck in the offices that have cameras.”

The group looked between me and Steve, watching our faces turn red. “So, you watched it, did you?” I asked, figuring I should turn this around on him.

“Fuck yeah, I did and I’m not ashamed of it. Steve is hot… if I weren’t with Pepper, I would definitely have tapped that at some point,” Tony said it so nonchalantly. “But don’t worry your pretty little head, I don’t see what goes on in your bedroom. No cameras in there.”

“There had better not be,” I growled. Turning back to the conversation at hand, “I still haven’t decided to join you guys yet, just so you know. I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Iubita,” Steve spoke softly, “you would make an excellent addition to the team. You’re fast, strong, smart… we would be remiss not to at least give you the option.”

“Plus, if you did, you would have your boy toy with you more often,” Tony winked.

“I’ll consider it,” I stood and grabbed Bucky’s hand, forcing him to follow me. “Right now, I need to talk to my guy, alone. Let me know when you’ve cleared the plan with Fury.” As we walked toward the elevator, Steve jogged over. I let go of Bucky and pulled him into my arms. Whispering so Bucky didn’t hear me, “Steve, I need to apologize to Bucky for being a manipulative bitch. And that will probably be better done alone.” I pulled back, “I’m sorry.”

“No need,” he kissed me and smiled. “I’ll just hang out with the guys and join you later.”

“Thanks.”

Once we got back to my bedroom, I turned to Bucky, “I’m sorry, love.” His eyebrow raised, “I’m a horrible bitch.”

“Iubita…” he touched my cheek.

Grabbing his hand, I held it to my face, “No, Bucky. You know I’m right. I can’t promise that I’ll never use the things HYDRA taught me against you, because that would probably be a lie. But I’m going to do my best to avoid them, if at all possible. I never should have used your emotions against you that way.” I placed a kiss to his palm, “I just… this has to happen. But we can figure out another way. I should never have put you on the spot like that.”

“Iubita, it’s okay.” Bucky pulled me into his arms, rubbing my back, “I understand why you did. And, I understand why we need to do it this way. The only way we’re going to get him away from SHIELD without attracting attention is by having Winter Soldier bring in Little Death.”

“I love you Bucky.”

“Te iubesc, Katerina,” he kissed me gently.

Slowly, the kisses became more passionate and we took off each other's clothes. Falling onto the bed, our hands explored each other. Relearning the pleasure points of one another. Each of the scars on his body, the ones that were put there to ensure my compliance, I kissed each one. As we made love, it was better than anything we had ever done before. Out of captivity, away from HYDRA, we could finally feel free to just be ourselves. To be with each other.

In the aftermath, we laid there in each other's arms, smiling. The door opened and Steve came in, smiling when he saw us in bed together. He figured out what we had done, so he just took off his clothes and joined us, laying on the other side of me. Sandwiched between my two men, I breathed deeply and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter, but I'm exhausted and can barely see today because my vision is all blurry from not getting enough sleep last night. Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. It's amazing to me how easily this story is coming. For some reason, writing about the Avengers is easier than anything else I've ever done.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration is a fickle bitch. Whenever I find myself in a tough spot with a story, I always seem to get distracted by other story ideas. That's what happened the last two nights. I had a shit week at work, then there were these other stories that just wouldn't stop bouncing around in my skull. But don't worry. I'm back at doing this one. I'm hoping to get quite a bit done this weekend.

“Come on, hit me,” I said to Bucky. “We need it to look real. Like the Winter Soldier had to work to capture me.”

He raised up his fist, then lowered it, “I’m sorry, iubita. I can’t do it.” His eyes met mine, “I know I need to, I just can’t. I’ve hurt you so much already.”

Sighing, I nodded, “It’s alright, love.” I turned to Steve who just shook his head. So I looked at the last person who was actually strong enough to make it look realistic, “Thor?”

“Fair maiden, I would do much to make this plan work. However, I agree with Bucky and Steve. There are ways to accomplish our task without violence,” his eyes pleaded with me to understand.

The sound of metal coming from the doorway had us all looking over. Tony stood there in a red and gold suit, only his head on display. “Razi, I have no problems hitting you.”

“Tony,” Steve’s voice came out low and dangerous.

“Hey, boy wonder, your girlfriend is asking us to help her.” Tony crossed his arms over his chest, which was almost comical because of the metal suit, “If you two stubborn lugs weren’t so hardheaded, you would be helping her out. But I don’t have to worry about her not wanting to sleep with me, because she already doesn’t. Besides, she'll heal.”

“Thanks, Tony,” I said. I turned to my boys, “You guys will NOT fight with Tony about this. He’s doing us a favor, that’s it.” My eyes went back to him, “Now if he thinks this means free reign in the future to hit me, he has another thing coming.”

“Razi, my dear, I don’t hit women.” I laughed, which made him chuckle, “Except when they ask of course. Or if they deserve it. You, my dear Razi, do not deserve it.”

Bucky growled at him, “No one is hitting Katerina. I don't care what the reason.” He stalked toward Tony, poking him in the chest. His metal finger on the metal suit made a clanging noise, “If you even think about hurting her, I’ll…”

I grabbed his arm, forcibly pulling him back. Tony looked between us and sighed, “Sorry, Razi. I guess I’m out too. Don’t want to piss off the Terminator over there.” When Steve, Bucky, and I all had confused expressions on our faces, he sighed again, “Next movie night, you’ll understand.”

I glared at Bucky for a minute, but he just had this expression that said, ha, I won. My mind raced, trying to come up with a way to get someone to hit me. I had nothing to use against Thor. Anything I would use against Bucky would just end up hurting him, making him less likely to hit me. Steve, he was just too decent of a person to allow something as simple as anger get the better of him. Tony, however, I knew a way to piss him off.

“I know what happened to your parents,” I directed this at Tony.

Bucky and Steve gasped, knowing exactly what I was talking about. Tony’s hands clenched, creaking the metal, “What do you mean, you know what happened to my parents? They were in a car crash.”

“Yes, but it wasn’t just a car crash.” I moved closer to Tony, standing just out of his reach, “Do you want to know what your parent's last words were as they took their last breath? How they cried for the son they were leaving behind?”

Tony’s face turned red, his lips pursed tightly, “Were you there?”

“1991, they took me out of cryo for a mission.” I could hear Bucky whisper no, but I kept going, “Kill Howard Stark and his wife.” I took another step forward, “They never saw it coming. That’s what happens when you mess with HYDRA.”

“Aaahhhh,” he yelled and swung at me. When his fist connected with my face, it hurt. He hit me again, “This time in my stomach, “You fucking bitch. To think I let you stay under my roof.”

A hand clasped to my stomach, I turned and spit blood onto the ground, “You know, they never had to brainwash me to kill like they did Bucky. Do you know why I did it? Why I killed?” I looked Tony in the eye and smiled, “Because I liked it.”

Tony got angrier and came at me, punching me several times in the face and stomach. I fell to the ground, but he kept hitting me. The others tried to stop him, but he was relentless. Finally, Bucky yelled, “Tony, I killed your parents! It wasn’t Katerina, it was me.”

Tony stopped mid-punch, his eyes wide, “What?”

Bucky’s voice lowered, “I’m sorry, Tony. I was the Winter Soldier at the time. I had no control over my actions.”

“But, Razi said…”

“She was taken out of cryo in 1991 for this mission. But when she found out Bucky wasn’t Bucky anymore, she killed thirty of their men and was put back in cryo until recently,” Steve walked up to us slowly. When he got close enough, he put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, “It’s okay, Tony. She made you believe it on purpose.”

Tony backed off me quickly, looked down at the blood covering his metal hands and stepped out of the suit. His eyes were wide with terror at what he had done, “Fuck, Razi, I’m so…”

I sat up, coughing. “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. I pissed you off for a reason, Stark. Now, Pierce may actually buy that the Winter Soldier brought me down.” I looked at Bucky who had shrunk into himself. My voice came out low and harsh, “Tony, if you so much as raise a finger to hurt Bucky over this, I will kill you.” I stood and walked over to him, “I don’t care what you did to me. I've had worse. But Bucky couldn’t help himself. It’s not like he wanted to kill your parents. And honestly, if they hadn’t of put me back in cryo, I would have killed them without a seconds hesitation. They didn’t need to brainwash me to kill. I did it so they wouldn’t hurt Bucky anymore.”

“I…” Tony gulped, “I’m sorry.”

“Dammit, Tony, don’t be sorry.” I pulled him into a hug, “You pack a mean punch. Who would have thought you had the muscle to do that.” I was trying to cheer him up, but he just started crying. I rubbed his back, “Fuck.” My next words were directed at the others, “Someone needs to stop me next time I start to manipulate people's emotions.”

Slowly, Tony’s breathing evened out, then he pulled back. His eyes were red, but he seemed calmer, “You did what you had to, Razi.” He walked over to Bucky, who still looked like a kicked puppy. Tony pulled him into a quick hug, “I forgive you, Bucky. I know that you only did what HYDRA made you do. And while I might hate you a little for it, it wouldn’t be fair of me to kick your ass over something you couldn’t control.”

“Alright, now that we’ve gotten this lovefest under control, we need to get going. Bucky’s meet up with Pierce is happening in under an hour,” Natasha was all business. “We can investigate all these buried feelings later.”

They dressed Bucky in something reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier would wear. Black cargo pants, black boots, and a tight black tank top. On top of the tank top, he had on a black jacket to hide the arm. The meetup wasn’t in public per se, but it was out where someone could potentially see.

For me, they left me in the clothes I had been wearing. A pair of leggings and one of Steve’s large white shirts tied at the hips. It had blood on it from when Tony had hit me, which just sold the Winter Soldier kicked my ass story. We all drove to a bit away from the location. The meetup was taking place in an abandoned warehouse, so we needed to be in place early. We also assumed that they would be in place early as well, so we parked a couple of blocks away.

Bucky still looked shaken over what happened. I took his face in my hands, placed a gentle kiss to his lips and said, “Bucky, my love, I need you here with me. We can’t do this without you.”

“I’m here,” he sounded so sad.

“What do you need?” I ran my fingers through his hair, traced patterns onto his chest, “How can I help you feel better about this?”

“You shouldn’t have lied about killing his parents.”

I sighed, we didn’t have time for this. “Technically, I didn’t lie.” His eyebrows rose, “Well, I didn’t. All I said was that they took me out of cryo to work the mission, which they did. The whole last words bit, that was just me riling him up. I never actually said that I killed them.”

“You’re being pedantic,” Steve whispered in my ear.

“Yes, lover, I know.” I placed another soft kiss to Bucky’s lips, “I will heal. By tomorrow, it will be like none of this happened. Tony is sorry, you’re sorry, I’m sorry… Fuck, we’re all sorry for something. You want to be angry, be angry. I just can’t take you being heartbroken. I would rather you be mad at me for forcing Tony to hit me. For emotionally manipulating him, the same way I did to you.”

His eyes flashed, “I don’t know if I can.”

“I need you to. Get angry at me.” I took a step back, “What do you need me to say, Bucky?” I sighed, knowing what I had to do, “I can’t do this without you, Bucky. But if you force me to do this alone, we’re done. I can’t have someone at my back whom I don’t trust. Who doesn't trust me.” I made my eyes grow sad. When he started to react, I knew I was winning, “You were always with Steve, no matter what. What was it you used to say? 'I'm with you to the end of the line.' Just because I’m a girl, you’re growing soft on me? You need to grow up, stop thinking that everything is your fault. Because, goddammit, I don’t want to lose you. But you will if you can’t get your head out of your ass long enough to fucking do this mission with me. I need the man I fell in love with, not the kicked puppy that's sitting here right now. Do your job and grow up, Bucky. We need you right now.”

“Fine,” his voice was cool. When he looked at me, I shivered. There was no life in his eyes anymore, “You want me to do my job. Then fine, I’ll do my fucking job.”

He flipped me around, shoving me against the side of the van. I heard someone gasp at his roughness, but I just placidly did what he wanted. A pair of handcuffs on my wrists and he spun me around again. When he shoved me back hard against the metal panel of the van, I gasped at the pain in my wrists. Something flashed across his eyes, then disappeared just as quickly. A finger lifted my face to look at his, “Nu ai încredere în mine? Nu vrei să fii cu mine? Bine, voi pleca când se va termina. N-aș vrea să te dezamăgesc din nou. ( _You don't trust me? You don't want to be with me? Fine, I'll leave when this is done. I wouldn't want to disappoint you again._ )”

I could feel tears fill my eyes. This wasn’t what I wanted, but I knew that if I tried to backtrack, we wouldn’t be able to complete the mission. So I didn’t react to his words, not wanting to make it worse. He stalked away, hands clenched into fists. Steve came up to me, “I think, just maybe, you went a little too far. What did he say?”

“I know. I fucked up, again,” I whispered. “He said he was leaving when this is done.” A tear rolled down my cheek and I had to look up to stop the rest from falling, “What have I done, Steve?”

“What you had to, iubita.” Steve’s arms were warm around me, calming me down, “Let’s just get this over with so we can convince Bucky that you don’t want him gone.”

Bucky came back, ripped me out of Steve’s arms, and shoved me forward. He kept a hand on the handcuffs. All a part of the plan to make it look like I couldn’t escape. We didn’t say anything as we walked to the meetup. Neither of us was wearing earbuds either. Pierce wasn’t stupid. That’s one of the first things he would look for. We were also weaponless. Although technically we were weapons, so we didn’t need a gun or knife to do the killing for us.

I just tried to keep in mind that they wanted Pierce alive. The rest of the HYDRA agents, I was going to kill them all. As we entered the warehouse, Bucky’s other hand tightened on my arm. The only sign that he wasn’t as okay as he was pretending to be. From the darkness, someone started to slow clap. A figure walked out, Pierce.

“Well, as I live and breathe, you brought the bitch back to me.” Pierce laughed, “I was starting to think that Rumlow had failed.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. But I couldn’t keep quiet, “Fuck you, asswipe.”

Pierce walked over and backhanded me. He didn’t have the strength to hurt me, but he hit me right on top of a bruise that Tony gave me, so it hurt anyway. I groaned for effect. “Little Death, Miss Katerina Markov, so good to have you back. This time around, I’m not going to let you walk around with your own free will. I’ve learned my lesson.” He looked at Bucky, smile wide, “Take Winter Soldier, he listens to orders, does what I tell him. Never questioning, never arguing. And all we have to do is say a series of words.”

Bucky stilled just enough that I felt it. So Pierce didn’t notice, I growled, “You think that makes him a better killer? It makes him a killer, but not better.” I took a step forward, succeeding only in making my wrists hurt when the handcuffs Bucky still held onto dug into my skin, “Do you know why I’m so good of an assassin, Pierce? It’s because I still have my free will, my creativity, my soul. It makes me a better, stronger killer, and you know it.”

“That may be true, but I need someone who will obey my every command. Not someone who fights me at every turn.” He snapped his fingers and three soldiers appeared, armed with guns, “You should enjoy this while it lasts, Katerina. This is the last breath of air you’ll take as yourself.”

Bucky tapped on the handcuffs, signaling that it was time. He let go and I smiled. As I grinned at Pierce, he looked confused. I pulled and snapped the handcuffs, grateful they had thought to weaken the metal to make it easier. I could have done it either way, but breaking metal hurts no matter how strong you are. When my hands were free, I took a step forward, “You really shouldn't have pissed me off.”

Before the guards could react, I punched Pierce in the face, knocking him unconscious, leaving only the three armed soldiers to deal with. One brought his gun up to shoot. I moved toward him, fast and grabbed the gun, ripping it out of his hand. I bashed it into his face, before turning and shooting the other two. Bucky was putting another pair of handcuffs on Pierce while I did that.

He still looked pissed and hurt. I didn’t know how to deal with that. Even before I was captured, I had never dealt with anything like this. And in captivity, you don’t really get angry at the person you are with. They are your lifeline, the only thing that keeps you sane. I had driven Bucky back to that place, back to being the person he was while in HYDRA. I shot the other guard so we didn’t have to deal with the peons.

The door to the warehouse burst open and the others came in, looking for a fight. When they saw me standing over three corpses and Bucky with Pierce, they almost looked sad that the fight was over. Steve came over, placing a hand on Bucky’s arm. I couldn’t tell what he said, but Bucky called down, even smiling a little bit. Then he came over to me, pulling me into his arms, “Good job, iubita.”

“It wasn’t just me.”

“I know. Don’t worry, Bucky already knows how much I appreciate him. I’m trying to show you the same thing.” His voice was kind and gentle. He whispered, “Don’t worry. We’ll make him see reason. Neither of us is losing him.”


	17. Chapter 17

Back at Stark Tower, Fury and Tony were interrogating Pierce. Bucky had stormed off, and I was trying not to cry. He hadn’t left the building yet, but I knew that was coming soon. Steve gave me an apologetic look, “Sorry, Katerina, but Bucky…”

“Needs you.” I nodded, “Go to him. Try to get him to stay, please.” A lone tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away angrily, “Tell him that I’ll leave. He needs you more than he’ll admit. I… I will be fine.” It broke my heart to say those words. It was the first outright lie I had told to Steve, and it wasn’t my last, “I don’t need anyone. I know that you guys love each other. You can help him get over his anger. Get over my betrayal.” I breathed in, eyes closed. When I opened them, Steve looked at me so pitying I wanted to cry again, “I promise you, I’ll be fine. But Bucky won’t. If he leaves, it will kill him. He just got you back, please don’t make me responsible for him losing you.”

Steve nodded, “I’ll try to get him to talk to you.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, “I don’t want to lose either of you, iubita. You’ve come to mean a great deal to me.”

I smiled softly, “You have come to mean a great deal to me, as well. But Steve, what we have isn’t love yet. It could get there, in fact, it probably would have. But I refuse to hurt Bucky again. I’m not letting him leave. His place is with you. Just tell him that, okay. Tell him that I’m sorry, that I’m the one who deserves to leave.”

Steve left and I started to cry in earnest. An arm wrapped around my waist. I saw red hair. “Katerina, why did you lie to him?”

“Because if I told him the truth, it could hurt Bucky.” My head fell forward as I cried, “He needs you guys more than I do, that part is true. I’ve always been more of a loner. As an assassin, you have to be.”

“I know.”

“But Bucky, he’s always been more sensitive. Before the serum and after.” I tried to slow the tears, but they just kept coming, “It will kill him if he leaves. I can’t let him sacrifice one more thing for me. I don’t deserve it.”

She spun me so I face her. Wiping the tears that rolled down my face, she cupped my cheeks with her palms, “You don’t deserve to be miserable, Katerina. No matter what you’ve done, what we’ve both done, we deserve happiness too.”

“Not with what I did to Bucky. It wasn’t fair to him.” I pulled away from Natasha’s offer of comfort, not wanting to feel better about how I’d treated him, “I fucking promised him, Nat. I promised him that I would do my best not to use what they trained me to do against him. Then I did it again. He deserves so much better than me. And now that I know Tony won’t kill him for killing his parents, I can leave secure in the knowledge that he’ll be safe.”

“Miss Markov,” JARVIS said. “Your presence has been requested in the workout room.”

“By whom?”

“Mr. Barnes and Captain Rogers.”

“Do they seem angry?” I didn’t really want to know, but I needed to.

“Mr. Barnes is, but Captain Rogers is trying to console him.”

“Sorry, Nat. I guess I need to go and talk to them.”

“Just remember, he needs you too,” she smiled and patted my shoulder. “I don’t want to have to deal with two depressed overgrown manchildren if you leave. So please, fix this.”

“I don’t think I can,” I was resigned to failure. I knew there was no way Bucky could forgive me. “I’m just going down to say goodbye.” I gave her a quick hug, “Thanks for everything, Nat.”

Her voice turned serious, “You’re not leaving me, Katerina. I won’t let you.”

I shrugged, “This isn’t your choice, Natasha. I’m doing what’s necessary.”

Downstairs, I walked into the gym softly, grimacing as I heard two voices arguing. Steve sounded angry, “What the fuck is your problem, Bucky? You know she was only doing what was necessary for the mission.”

Bucky threw his arms in the air, “You think I don’t know that. That’s the problem, Steve. She fucking manipulated me, again. All for a fucking mission. I can’t... “ He took a deep breath, “I just can’t do this, Steve. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me.” His voice broke, “She didn’t even give me a chance to see if I could fake it. She thought it was better to push me away. What’s going to happen if she does this in a year, five years, twenty? I can’t keep looking over my shoulder, wondering if something I say or do is going to set her off.”

Steve looked over Bucky’s shoulder and saw me standing there, a pained look on my face, “I thought she was doing the right thing, Buck. Do you want to lose me too?” I could tell that he was trying to get him to change his mind, but I was pretty sure it would backfire on him, “I’m not sure I can stand to lose you a second time. I just got you back.”

“No,” Bucky’s voice turned cold. “You don’t get to manipulate me too. It’s not fair to use that shit against me.”

“I’m not manipulating you, Bucky. I’m telling you the truth.” Steve took a step closer to him, grabbing his hand, “When I lost you on that train, I wanted to die. Part of me was glad when there was no way to stop the airplane except crashing it. I didn’t want to survive in a world without you. When Katerina told me that you were alive, I didn’t want to believe her. Because if you were alive, then that meant I had to face up to feelings I’d buried deep to keep them from hurting me. I love you, Bucky. And I know you love me too.”

“Love isn’t always enough, Steve,” Bucky sounded tired. “I loved Katerina too. But she keeps… No, I’m tired of rehashing this.” Bucky pulled away, “I can’t stay here. As long as she is here, I won’t be.” When he turned and saw me, his face hardened, “You’re getting your wish, Little Death. You should have just left me the Winter Soldier.”

He tried to walk past me, but I grabbed his arm, holding him in place. He twisted until he was behind me, holding my arm against my back, “Don’t, Katerina.”

“Bucky, please, just listen to me.” He shoved me forward and I turned. Kicking his legs out from under him, I climbed on top of him, pinning his arms against the blue mats. He struggled, but I held him down as tightly as I could. I could tell that he didn’t want to hurt me because I knew he was stronger than me. “I’m not going to apologize for what I did. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I’ve done so many things wrong in my life. So many things that I’m ashamed of. But the thing that hurts me the most, the thing that makes me want to die, is hurting you.”

He laughed, “You say that now, but where was that feeling when you were doing it.” He bucked me off him, tossing me to the ground. Straddling me, he held my hands above my head, “In two days, you managed to prove to me that you don’t trust me to make the right call. That you don’t trust me to do what needs to be done. You can’t have someone at your back you don’t trust.”

“Bucky…” my voice was pleading.

“No, Katerina.” He climbed off me, “I’m leaving.”

As he walked away, I ran and tackled him to the ground. We wrestled for dominance, limbs intertwined. When he won, like I knew he would, my legs were wrapped around his hips and I could feel him growing hard against me. He had my hands pinned above my head, fingers digging into my skin. The pain was a welcome thing.

“You’re not leaving, Bucky.” He opened his mouth to argue and I just glared at him. I spoke softly, “You’re not leaving. I am.”

“No,” Steve’s voice broke.

“Yes, I’m leaving.” Tears welled in my eyes, “I’m sorry, Steve. I could have loved you, but it’s not fair to Bucky to make him lose you.” I closed my eyes and released my legs. Bucky continued to hold me down with both his weight and strength, “I destroy everything I touch, Bucky. You and Steve, you’re good. Nothing you did as the Winter Soldier is your fault. I could have said no, but I didn’t. This is my penance for hurting you. I’m giving you and Steve a chance to be happy. To fall in love, get married, have the life you never got the chance to.”

He released my hands and climbed off me, staring down at me, confused. I stood and rubbed my wrists, “I truly regret hurting you, Bucky. But it’s not fair of me to expect you to just forgive me and beg me to stay. I don’t expect that at all. What I’m hoping is that you’ll listen to me and hear what I’m saying. That you’ll stay with Steve and have a happy life.”

“Katerina,” he sounded like a lost child, but I kept my resolve.

Walking toward the door, I didn’t look back as I spoke, “I am sorry.”

Footsteps ran toward me, strong arms pulled me into a hug. Steve whispered against my hair, “Please don’t go, iubita.”

“What do you want me to do, Steve?” I was crying again and getting angry at myself for it. “If I stay, he leaves. Can you honestly say you would be happy with just me? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“I lov…”

I put a finger to his lips, “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Captain Rogers. I know you care for me, but we haven’t known each other long enough to call it love.” I pulled out of his embrace, “I’ll be gone shortly. Go back to your boyfriend, he needs you more than I do.” The lie was bitter on my tongue, but I knew it was the only way to get him to let me leave. So I lied again, “I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

I turned and got into the elevator. The doors shut as he watched me with red-rimmed eyes. JARVIS spoke, his voice sounded almost as if he pitied me, “Miss Markov, to your room?”

“Yes, please. Thank you JARVIS.”

I changed into clean clothes, leaving everything else. I only took the clothes because walking in public naked was frowned upon. Back on the main floor, everyone was standing there, sad expressions on their faces. I forced a smile onto mine, “Alright, well it was nice knowing you guys. Tony, thanks for everything. Nat, keep these boys in line. Don’t let them run roughshod over you.” I walked over to Bruce, giving him a huge hug, “Thanks, big guy. Without you, I’d…”

“I know,” he hugged me back. “You don’t have to leave.”

“Yes, I do.” I looked at each face in turn, “Guy, please help Bucky. I know that he’s done things as the Winter Soldier that would make him not a good candidate for the Avengers. But I’ve done worse, and you were going to accept me. He’s going to need you guys now, more than ever.” I lied again, “I’ll be fine.”

“Katerina,” Natasha’s voice was soft. “Bruce is right, you don’t have to leave.”

“I’m sorry.”

Tony walked forward, gave me a hug, then handed me an envelope. “Inside is a key to a safe house, some money, and identification. Don’t worry, I won’t tell either of the boy wonder twins where you are. There’s also a cellphone in there in case you need something. I also included some instructions, the same I gave to Cap when he first got here.”

My eyes filled with tears that I blinked back, “Thanks, Tony.” I didn’t say anything else, just went to the elevator. On the ground floor, I walked toward the front door. Even though I knew it wouldn’t happen, I still held out hope that Bucky would stop me. When I walked out the door and into the sunlight, I took a deep breath and paused. I wasn’t going to be fine. I could already feel myself breaking into a million pieces at losing him. But I wasn’t going to fuck this up for him. Bucky needed me gone to be fine, so I was going to give him the space he needed.

I looked in the envelope, saw the address and started that way. I walked around for a while before I asked someone where the street was. It ended up that the safehouse Tony put me, was in the apartment building across the street from Stark Tower. Even I had to laugh at the irony of that. But at least they didn’t know where I was.

The apartment itself was small, about the size of the guest suite I had occupied. It was one large room, a bed in one corner, a small kitchenette, with a bathroom. The only nice thing is that there was a balcony. The building itself was only five stories, and mine was at the top. Still, nowhere near tall enough that anyone from the Avengers would see me.

I stood on the balcony, looking at the building. I wanted to go back, so bad. Out of everything I had done in my life, this hurt the most. I felt like my heart had been ripped in half, stomped on, then put back. I walked back inside, shutting the curtains so I couldn’t see the building anymore. Falling onto the bed, I let myself wallow in the sorrow of losing out on the only thing I loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't supposed to go this way. Damn characters choosing their own paths, taking away from what I had planned.


	18. Chapter 18

"Miss Markov, you need to make sure you're eating." The British voice scared me, "Mr. Stark would not be happy if you were to starve."

“JARVIS?” I pulled the blanket down from over my head, looking around. “Are you here?” I was confused. As far as I knew, JARVIS only existed in Stark Tower.

“I do apologize, Miss Markov. Mr. Stark made it quite clear that you were to be left alone. However, it has been four weeks, three days, four hours, and fifteen minutes since you first entered the safe house. In that time, you have not left the apartment and you have ceased eating.” He sounded sincerely worried, which was weird for an AI, “I am worried about your health.”

“Are there cameras in here?”

“I am not supposed to tell you that. I wasn’t supposed to let you know that I was here either.” He paused, “Yes, there are cameras. The only one who has seen them is me. Even Mr. Stark has uncharacteristically abstained from watching the video recordings. I believe he is giving you your space.”

“Great,” I pulled the blanket back over my head. “Maybe you can just leave me alone too. I’ve lost everything, JARVIS. I lost the love of my life, the only friend I’ve made since I was captured, and a place that I was beginning to feel at home. What is the point in living if I have nothing?”

“Miss Markov, if you continue to not take care of yourself, I will have to tell Mr. Stark.”

That did it. I pushed the cover off my head and stood, swaying a bit from hunger. I hadn’t eaten in over a week. My ribs were showing. I was fairly certain the only reason I was still alive was because of my healing factor. “If you tell him, I will have to leave. Then nobody will know when I die.”

“No one wants this for you, Miss Markov.”

I laughed as I fell back onto the bed, too weak to stand, “No one wants this for me? You have got to be shitting me.” I threw an arm over my eyes, “I stood by the entrance for ten minutes, waiting for Steve or Bucky, anybody to come and stop me. To ask me to stay. Do you know what happened? Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. Bucky hates me. The only thing I cared about in this entire world, and I hurt him so badly he doesn’t want me anymore. I wish I were dead.”

“I’m sorry, Miss Markov.”

“Why? It’s not your fault.”

“Not for that.” There was a knock on the door, “I’m sorry, but I had to let Mr. Stark know. You promised everyone that you would be alright. You are most certainly not alright.”

“Katerina, please answer the door,” I heard Steve say. “I have a key, but I would rather you let me in yourself.”

“Go away.”

“No, Katerina.” I heard the key in the door. When the door pushed open, I grimaced but kept hiding. The door shut behind him, footsteps the only thing that let me know he was nearing, “I’m worried about you.”

“Well don’t be. I’m fine,” I lied. “Just ask JARVIS. Everything is hunky-dory.”

“You told me you would never outright lie to me, Katerina.”

I pulled down the blanket and he gasped. “I know I look lovely, don’t I?” my sarcasm game was on point. With not eating, my face had become gaunt. I sat up, even though I knew he would be able to see the bones protruding out of my skin, “Go back to your boyfriend, Steve. Just let me die in peace.”

He had tears in his eyes, “Do you think Bucky would want this?”

“Well, he didn’t want me.” I was being childish, but the hurt was all I had left, “He let me leave, Steve. I waited. I waited by the door, hoping that one of you would come and stop me. Tell me that we could make things work. That it would take time, but we could get past this. But you know what, no one came. No one stopped me.” I started crying, “Just go.”

I laid down and pulled the blanket over my head again. Steve’s voice was gentle, “Bucky misses you.”

“Bullshit.”

“He loves you, iubita.”

“Again, bullshit.” I sat back up, this time I got out of the bed. The only item of clothing I wore was a large t-shirt because it was the only thing that still fit. When he saw the damage that I had wrought to my body, he gasped again, “Honestly, I’m not sure if it matters if he loves me anymore. It’s like I said, I’m poison. I hurt everything I touch.” I walked over to the balcony, forced the door open, and went outside. I stood next to the railing, looking over the edge. If I had thought the fall would kill me, I would have jumped. Sighing, I sunk to the ground, unable to stand for another second, “Why can’t you let me die in peace?”

Steve came out and crouched in front of me, “Because I love you.”

I laughed, “No you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. You don’t get to tell me what I feel, iubita. I’ve had a lot of time to think this past month, and I can’t imagine life without you.” He reached out to touch me, stopping when he saw me recoil, “When I thought Bucky was dead, I was in more pain than I ever thought possible. It felt like my whole world had ended. Then I met you and I felt myself breathe for the first time in seventy years.” He smiled, then frowned, “Then you told me Bucky was alive and that was all I could think about. I forgot about you, forgot about everything other than finding him and bringing him back. When you went out, got him, bringing him in single-handedly, I thought I was happy. I knew I would never get to have him the way I wanted, but I was happy. Then you both convinced me that being a threesome could work.”

“I decided to give it a shot because I thought ‘what’s the worst that can happen.’ I didn’t realize that the worst thing that could happen was that I would fall in love with you too, then lose you.” He stood up, turning his back to me so I wouldn’t see him cry. When he spoke again, his voice broke, “You hurt Bucky, and while he’s still mad, he misses you. He’s honestly not the same since you left. But he’s nowhere near as bad as you are.”

I choked out a laugh, “Are you fucking kidding me?” I forced myself to stand so I could push past him and fall back onto my bed, “Are you being serious right now? Bucky misses me. HA! If he missed me so much, then why has no one even tried to find me. I’m sure that Nat could have hacked Tony’s computers and gotten the information. I’ve been within spitting distance of you guys this past month. No one, not even Tony, has said so much as a word to me.”

“You wanted to be alone.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes, “Men. You’re all the same. Do you know what I would have done if Bucky had left?” Steve shook his head, “I would have followed him, made sure he was alright. I would have tailed him for as long as it took to make sure he was eating well and taking care of himself. Then, after he had enough time to cool down, I would make him come home. You guys didn’t do that for me. In fact, according to JARVIS, not even Tony cares enough to check up on me.”

“We thought we were doing what you wanted,” Steve sat on the bed next to me, staying far enough away that he wouldn’t accidentally touch me. “We thought we were doing the right thing. Kind of like how you thought you were doing the right thing by manipulating Bucky for the mission.”

“And we’re back to that again.” I rolled my eyes, “JARVIS, is there any way to expel Steve from the premises?”

“I’m sorry, Miss Markov, but there is not.” A pause, “Even if there were, I would not tell you. You may not believe that anyone is worried about you, but I am. And I know there are others who have been since you left as well.”

“What is it you guys want from me?” I started to cry, “I left. I gave you and Bucky a chance to become a couple, a real couple. I gave Bucky what he wanted, a life free from me. A life free from worry about whether or not I would betray him. I always knew that I was poison, but to have him tell me that I was right…” Steve reached for me and I recoiled away, “No, you lost that right when you let me walk out that door and didn’t look for me.”

Steve stood, an angry look on his face. “You think I didn’t want to look for you?” his voice was low and dangerous. “The only person who knew about this place was Tony. The only reason I am here right now is that Tony told me that you were in trouble. The second I knew where you were… the fucking second I thought you needed me, I was here. I would have been scouring the streets looking for you, I just had no idea of where to start looking.”

“You let me leave, Steve.”

“I tried to stop you!” his voice rose, the anger evident. “You didn’t even give me a chance, Katerina. You just left without so much as a backward glance.” His voice softened and he sat back down again, “Katerina, please, give me a chance. I’m sorry I didn’t chase after you. I’m sorry that Bucky was, and is, mad at you. But I promise you if you come back neither of us is leaving. We’ve talked about this and…”

“You’ve talked about this? About us?” I grew hopeful as he spoke, “Really?”

“Of course we have. After a few days of course. Bucky needed to realize what he had lost first.” He gave me a wry grin, “We want you back in our lives, iubita. We both love you, so fucking much. It would kill Bucky to realize what you’ve done to yourself.”

“Why didn’t he come too?” I asked softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Because I didn’t tell him where I was going. I didn’t want you to do or say something stupid before I had a chance to convince you to come back with me.”

“Are you so certain that I am coming back?”

“No,” he shook his head. He shut his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers, “I’m hopeful. Please, iubita, say you’ll come back with me.”

“What if…”

“No. No what if’s, no questions, no arguments. Just… come back to me. Come back to us.”

“Fine.” I sighed, resigned to the fact that I was being forced to go back, “But I don’t think I’ll make it over there by myself.”

Steve lifted me off the bed, wrapping a blanket around my thin figure. He frowned when he realized how light I had gotten, “That’s why you have me. I will always take care of you. That’s what people who love each other do.”

We got a few strange looks as we entered the building, but no one stopped us. No one was there as he walked me to the infirmary either. I gave him a questioning look, but Steve just smiled. Once we were in the infirmary, he laid me on the bed and Bruce came over, a frown on his normally jovial face, “What in the blue blazes did you do to yourself this time?”

“Miss Markov has not eaten in over a week,” JARVIS responded. “And the weeks before that, she barely ate one meal a day.”

“Stupid computer,” I muttered.

Bruce set up some contraptions, sticking a needle in my arm. “This is what we give to Steve when he gets injured. It’s a high potency cocktail that will help speed the healing process, as well as give your body some much-needed energy.” He walked over to a table, bringing back a bucket of protein powder and a gallon of water. Dumping several large tablespoons into the water, he shook it, “This will help get you some much-needed calories. Both Steve and I have increased metabolisms because of our… natures, so I developed this high caloric content protein drink. You’re going to have to drink several of these a day to put back on the weight.”

I frowned at the bottle in my hands, “But…”

“No, Katerina,” Steve’s voice was commanding. “You are going to do exactly as Bruce says. You were already too skinny. When you first came here, you were underweight. You look positively skeletal right now. I’m not going to have you starve to death. Bucky would kill me if that were to happen.”

“Can I see him?” I tried to keep the hope out of my voice.

“I’ll try, but I’m not sure he will want to, not just yet.”

“Oh, okay.” I took a sip of the drink, grimacing at the taste, “Well, I’m sure you have better things to do than babysit me. I’ll be fine here with Bruce.”

“Don’t worry, Steve. I’ll force feed her if I have to.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.”

It was a week before anyone else came to see me. A week of laying in bed. A week of IV fluids and nasty protein drinks. I put on twelve pounds and wasn’t dying anymore, so at least Bruce’s regime was working. But still, it was a week. And I was certain that people knew I was there. And by people, I mean Bucky. Steve would visit once a day or a bit, apologetic that Bucky didn’t want to see me.

After a week, I was going stir crazy. I was napping when I felt metal touching my arm. Instantly, I was awake. Bucky was standing there, looking like he wanted to bolt. My insides churned with fear as I looked upon his face, “Hey, Bucky.” His jaw clenched, as did his hands. He didn’t say anything, so I did, “Well, you look good.”

“You look like shit,” his voice was rough and angry, but at least he was talking to me.

“Yeah well, losing everything you hold dear will do that to you.” I shrugged, “Don’t worry, I’ll leave again. Steve convinced me that you wanted this to work, but…” My eyes welled with tears, “But I can see now that he was wrong. As soon as I’m on my feet again, I’ll leave.”

“I…” he closed his eyes, counting to ten in Romanian. Slowly, his hands unclenched as did his jaw. When he opened his eyes, he seemed calmer, “I don’t want you to go.”

“But you don’t want me here either, do you?”

“I…”

“Fuck, Bucky.” I pulled the IV out of my arm and climbed out of the bed. Wrapping the thin blanket around me, I swayed. When I remained upright, I walked toward the door, “I still love you. I would like nothing more than to spend the rest of my life making up for the horrible things I did to you. But I won’t stay where I’m not wanted.”

My hand was on the doorknob when he grabbed me, “Fucking hell, Katerina. You keep putting words into my mouth. Can I just finish what I was going to say?” I didn’t turn around, but didn’t leave either, “I was hurt by what you did. I’m still hurt, and mad. God, Katerina, I was so fucking mad at you. I couldn’t believe that you would betray me like that. That you would use my emotions against me, just for a mission. No mission is worth hurting the ones you love.”

At the pain in his voice, I started to cry, “I’m sorry, Bucky.”

“I know you are. But I can’t help feeling hurt and betrayed.” He let go of my arm, “I won’t stop you if you want to leave. Steve told me that you wished one of us had stopped you. But I can’t. Your staying needs to be what you want. And if you leave, I’ll know it isn’t. Steve will chase after you because that is who he is. But I won’t. I won’t be hurt like that again.”

I turned back to him, “You would really let me leave, just like that? You wouldn’t even try to stop me?”

“I’m not chasing after you.” His eyes were red-rimmed, face puffy from crying, “Will I regret it if I let you leave and don’t try to stop you? Most likely. Will Steve hate me if I let you leave? Probably. But right now, I’m still so angry at you. I don’t want to be, but I am. And if you’re not willing to stay, if you’re not willing to try and make things work, then why should I care?”

I took a step toward him, reaching out. But he stepped out of reach and I dropped my hand, “I don’t want to be here if you don’t want me, Bucky. I’ve had enough disappointment in my life. If this is just a game to you, I…”

“You think this is a game?” he barked out a laugh. “I fucking love you. God, sometimes I wish I didn’t. Sometimes, I wish I had never met you.” I started to cry and his voice softened, “I love you, Katerina. We’ve hit a rough spot, all relationships have them. You can tell how strong a relationship truly is by the way they weather the storm.” He came up to me, pulling me into his arms, “I don’t know how long I’ll be angry for. But I want you to stay. I want to try and make this work. If for nothing else, then it makes Steve happy. I do love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. I love you more than I ever loved Steve. More than I love Steve right now. But if you walk out that door, I will let you go. And if you come back, you’ll be dead to me.”

I pulled out of his arms, “I…”

“No, Katerina, I’ve said my piece. It’s up to you now.” He opened the door to leave. Without turning back he said, “I hope you stay, I truly do.”


	19. Chapter 19

After another week in the infirmary, Bruce let me go to one of the guest rooms, the same one I had been in before. Bucky had moved into Steve’s apartment, so I didn’t have to worry about seeing him. I had put on another eight pounds, so I was slowly getting back to fighting weight. Another twenty, and I would be where I started. Steve continued to come to see me once a day. Bucky didn’t. The other Avengers, I’m not sure if they were giving me space or if they were mad, but they didn’t come to see me either.

As I laid there, I started to get antsy. My entire world had changed and I needed to see if one thing stayed constant. I put on some of the clothes Natasha had brought me before, smiling when they almost fit. The leggings that had been tight before, they were just ever so slightly bit loose. However, they still stayed up. I left the room, walking down the hall. When I got to the door, I stopped and knocked.

Bruce answered, giving me a small smile, “Katerina, it’s good to see you up and about. Was there something I could help you with?”

“I’m looking for Nat.”

“She’s away on a mission, has been for a couple of weeks,” he said. My face fell and he realized why I was asking, “I’m sorry, I should have told you. I just thought… I was sure that Steve would have told you. He knows how close the two of you got.”

“It’s okay, Bruce.” My smile didn’t reach my eyes, “Do you think I’m okay to use the gym?”

“Just don’t overdo it. If you start to feel weak, or faint, stop.” He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes, “Promise me. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt that you lied last time for a good reason, but if you lie again…”

I held up my hand, “I have no plans to lie ever again. I just… I needed everyone to think I would be okay.”

“And that’s why I’m not mad at you.” He placed a warm hand on my shoulder, “Just promise me you’ll take it easy, at least until you are back to where you were before you left.”

“I promise.”

In the gym, it was quiet. Late at night, I didn’t expect anyone to be there, but I would have liked to see someone. Even though I was barefoot, I started running around the track, slowly at first. After ten or so laps, I sped up. I felt free as I ran around the room, hair blowing behind me. The more I ran around the track, the faster I went, until I was running all out at my full speed. I kept that up for about fifteen minutes before I felt weak, so I slowed down before falling to the floor, my energy depleted.

A slow clap came from the door. I looked over and saw Tony, grinning at me. “I always thought you would be faster than Cap.”

“Tony,” my voice came out small. I stood and walked toward him, stopping a couple of feet away.

“Hey, Razi,” he held his arms open and I fell into them. I held back my tears, just barely, “You were supposed to take care of yourself, little girl.”

“I’m older than you are, Tony.”

He pulled back, looking down at me, “Technically, maybe. But you spent a good portion of your life in cryogenic storage. So, I would be willing to bet I have more life experience.”

“Alright,” I smiled. My thoughts turned darker and the smile fell, “How come you never visited me?”

“I did.” I frowned again, “I was there at night when you were sleeping. I sat next to your bed for hours, every night that you were in the infirmary. I’m sorry I didn’t see you when you were awake, but I do still have a business to run and Avengers to manage.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s my fault, I should have woken you up to say hi.”

“That’s not what I’m sorry for.” I pulled him back into a hug, “I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I said I would be fine when I knew I wouldn’t. You guys didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s in the past.” He pulled back and grinned, “Already forgotten.”

“I wish it were that simple.”

“Ah, which boy wonder are we talking about now? Cap or Bucky?” At my glare, he chuckled, “Bucky, should have known.” His face turned serious, “I know that Cap hasn’t told you any of this, and I’m not sure it’s my place, but I like you. So, I’m going to tell you. Bucky was… is hurt. I think he’s overreacting a little bit, I mean, no one was actually hurt. Just their feelings got a little bruised. The first week you were gone, we went through nearly forty punching bags. He kept breaking them. The second week, he moped around the building. I’m fairly certain he didn’t sleep at all during that time.”

“But…”

“I wasn’t finished,” Tony raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to stop talking. When I shut my mouth, he nodded, “Bucky took your leaving hard. I know you had to do it because otherwise, he would leave, but he took it harder than Cap did. I think the longer you were gone, the angrier he became. I think he kept expecting you to come slinking back in the door and beg for his forgiveness.” I frowned, “I don’t know that for certain, it’s not like Bucky and I talk, but that’s the impression I got.”

“What should I do? I’ve given him space. I ran away so he could be happy, and both you and Steve have told me he was miserable.” My vision blurred with tears, “I want to go to him, I just can’t bear to be turned away again.”

“My suggestion, go to him. Hold him until he caves.” He patted my shoulder, “I know that he’s hurting. But right now, I think he’s hurting because he’s just too stupid to realize he would feel better if you were around.”

“Do you know…”

“Roof.”

“Thanks, Tony.” I jogged to the elevator, telling JARVIS where I wanted to go. When I walked out onto the roof, I saw Bucky sitting, his legs dangling over the edge. I walked over, stomping heavily to not surprise him. I didn’t want him to accidentally fall over the edge.

He turned to see who it was. When he saw me, he glowered, “Katerina.”

“Hey, Buck,” I spoke softly. When I got near him, I looked over the edge. It was really high at the top of the building. I sat down next to him, facing the other direction. “I’ve missed you.”

“Katerina,” his voice was low. “I don’t know if I’m ready to…”

“No, you have to stop avoiding me.” My voice trembled, “I love you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I was such a bitch. But I miss you, Bucky. All I want is to have you in my arms, to tell you how much I fucking love you. To tell you that everything is going to be okay, that I’ll never do that again. I told you that I couldn’t promise to never manipulate you again, just that I would do my best. Well, I didn’t even try. I knew what I had to do to get you into the mindset I needed for the mission.”

“That’s the problem,” he growled.

“I fucked up. I should have trusted you to see the mission through, but I didn’t. There is no way for me to go back in time and change it, but I’m done giving you space. I’m done running from this.” I took a deep breath, “I need to know that we can get past this. Everyone keeps telling me that you missed me while I was gone, that you were sad I wasn’t around. Steve tells me that I need to give you time, Tony tells me that I should hold you until you change your mind. Well, I’m done waiting.”

“I don’t know…”

I turned toward him, “No, Bucky, just listen. Life is too fucking short. I don’t need you to forgive me just yet, I know that you’re still angry. But stop shutting me out. Let’s try and move past this. Please, I’m begging you.” I climbed off the wall and got on my knees. He climbed off too, standing in front of me, “I’m on my knees, Buck. I love you and I’m sorry. I can’t undo what I did, no matter how much I wish it. Just give me another chance.”

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice came from behind me. I didn’t look away from Bucky’s eyes, wanting him to know that I was with him and only him, “Please, I know how much this is eating you up.”

“You guys are ganging up on me. You really think I’m going to make a decision like this when you can’t even just talk to me like a normal fucking person.”

I deflated, my ass sinking to my heels, “Why did you have to come up, Steve?” I stood, turning my back to Bucky, “Fine, Bucky. You want to believe that I would stoop so low as to manipulate you again. Then maybe I was wrong. Maybe we can’t fix this.”

I started walking back to the door of the roof. As I pass Steve, I glared at him, “You couldn’t just leave it be. Why are you trying to be the hero?”

Steve’s face fell, “I love you, iubita. And I love him. I just want the two people I love back together.”

I sighed, “It’s not your fault.” I patted his cheek, “It’s mine. I should have known it was too late.”

As I opened the door, a hand grabbed me. I turned and saw Bucky staring down at me, “I’m still mad.”

“I would expect no less.”

“I don’t know how long it will take to forgive you.”

“I don’t forgive myself,” I said quietly.

“But I would hate myself if I let you walk away, again,” he said so softly I almost didn’t hear him.

I couldn’t keep the hope from my voice, “What are you saying, Bucky?”

“I’m saying… let’s give this a shot. A real shot.” His eyes narrowed, “But no more lying. No more manipulating. I need to know that you are going to be honest with me, and that will take time. But if you lie to me, I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”

“Anything else?”

He pulled me into his arms, “No, just don’t go.” Bucky pressed a kiss to the top of my head, “Please don’t leave me again.”

“Never again, Bucky. I love you. Te iubesc.” I held out my hand to Steve, who walked over and took it, “While I’m confessing… I love you too, Steve.”

He wrapped his arms around both of us, squeezing tightly, “Now, can we all go back to my apartment and get some sleep? I don’t know about you guys, but I need at least four hours to be functional.”

I laughed. But when I looked into Bucky’s eyes, I turned serious, “Are you sure, Bucky? Please be sure, because I’m not sure my heart will take being thrust away again.”

“I can’t promise you forever, iubita, no one can. But as long as you are willing to try, I am too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, sorry. I kind of suck at breaking up stories into chapters, never really knowing where a good point is.


	20. Chapter 20

A couple of months later, HYDRA had been decimated inside SHIELD. I had reached a healthy weight, feeling better than I had in a really long time. Part of that was most likely because Bucky, Steve, and I were doing fantastic together. Sometimes, Bucky still didn’t fully trust that I wasn’t going to hurt him again, but he gave me the benefit of the doubt. I told him everything, no matter what. I think that helped with the trust issues. It was going to take time, but I knew that eventually, he would be able to fully trust me again.

“Why are we doing this again?” I asked Steve as I tied my shoelaces.

“Tony wants to find out for sure who the fastest is.” He chuckled, “I’m pretty sure it’s not going to be Bucky, at least not right now.”

“Fuck you guys,” he growled.

“Bucky isn’t a morning person, Steve,” I laughed. Standing, I stretched my legs, looking out at the pond we were going to run around.

“He never has been.” Steve looked over at Tony who was twitching like he was wired, “Quite honestly, I’m surprised Tony wanted to do this right now. I don’t think he’s been to sleep in three days.”

“He’s working on some secretive project that he won’t tell anyone about,” Natasha said, arms crossed over her chest. Her voice carried a hint of irritation, “I hate being the last to know things.”

“Alright, boys and girl. You ready for this?” Tony came over a gleeful smile on his face, “I’ve been wanting to find out who is the fastest since you showed up, Razi. Now, I finally can.”

“Are you sure you’re awake enough for this?” I looked at him in disbelief, “I’m not sure you’ll last.”

“Iubita, we’re finding out who is the fastest. Not who can last longer,” Steve winked. “Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you… at first.”

“Let’s just fucking do this,” Bucky grumbled. “Then I can go back to sleep.”

“The pond is two miles around,” Steve said. “We’ll go until one of us clearly beats the other, and I don’t mean by a couple of inches.”

“Are you sure, Steve? I don’t want your pride hurt if I beat you.”

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I’ve told you before, iubita, I don’t mind being beaten by a girl. You should know, after all, we do sleep together every night.”

I turned bright red, “Uh…”

Tony laughed, “God damn, you two crack me up.”

We took our places and when Tony motioned to us, we started to jog. It started out a light jog. Which for most people would be a run, but for us was just a warmup. Even Bucky started to get into it as we went. First lap down, we were still at a slowish steady pace. The second lap, we started to speed up. It still wasn’t the fastest we could go, but it was quick. By the time we were on our fourth lap, Bucky had dropped out. He never was very competitive, and he already knew I was faster than him. We had learned that training under HYDRA.

Steve and I picked up the pace, running even faster than before. I laughed as we ran. It was freeing to be able to do this and not have to worry about anything. Being with the men I loved, even competing with them, it was something I had never thought possible. By the time we hit the sixth lap, I decided it was time to see what Steve was really made of.

I yelled, “Can you go faster?”

“Can you?”

I sped up, finally running full out. Steve tried to keep up, but he either couldn’t or wouldn’t. I wasn’t sure which one it was. I would have to find out when we stopped. I pushed myself to my limit, running faster than I thought possible. It took two laps, but I finally made it back to Steve, yelling, “On your left,” as I passed him.

He must have stopped by the others because when I made it back around he was sitting on the grass near where Bucky was laying. I slowed down, stopping in front of him. My hands went to my knees as I tried to slow my breathing, “I have to know, Steve, did you let me win?”

A look of disgust crossed his face, “Do you really think so little of me?”

“No, God no.” I crouched down before him, “I love you, you stupid lug. I just want to make sure that I kicked your ass fair and square, that’s all.” I smiled, “Cause if I didn’t, I would want a rematch.”

“Sweetheart, iubita, you beat me. I may love you, but I wouldn’t lose just to boost your ego.” He pulled me down to the grass, “At least we know I’m stronger.”

I laughed and straddled his hips, grinding against him. Bucky looked over at us, laughing, “You two. I can’t take you anywhere.”

I just kept moving against Steve, moaning as I felt him harden beneath me. Steve’s hands slipped to my ass, his fingers digging into my hips, forcing me down harder onto him. Bucky moved closer to us, his breathing unsteady, “The others are gone, just so you know.”

Steve moaned, moving his hand in between us. His fingers rubbed against me through the leggings. I moved against him, helping him along. His lips moved to my neck, kissing a line down the side of my skin. Licking and sucking, all while his fingers moved against me. Moving his hand, he slipped it down the front of my pants, slipping a finger inside me. I moaned against him.

“Fuck, baby girl,” he groaned against my neck. He moved his lips to my mouth, kissing me deeply.

As he kissed me, Bucky moved closer, his hand rubbing up and down my back. His breath warm on my ear, he whispered, “You look so good on top of him like that, iubita. I want to see you come out here in the open where everyone can see. You are so fucking beautiful.”

HIs words and Steve’s fingers brought me to the brink and I came, screaming against Steve’s mouth. He pulled his fingers out of my pants and Bucky grabbed them, sticking them in his mouth. As Bucky sucked, Steve groaned, “God, you need to stop Bucky.”

I ground down on Steve, pressing his cock harder against me, “Come on, love. You made me come, let us take care of you.”

“God,” he groaned, thrusting his hips up. I kept rocking against him, running my hands through his hair, kissing him hard. Bucky slipped his hand between us, touching his cock through his pants and Steve came hard.

We stopped moving, just sitting there as Steve softened in his pants. He sighed, resting his head against my shoulder, “You guys suck.” He laughed, “Dammit, I feel like a teenager again. Not that I ever did that as a teenager, but you know what I mean.”

I kissed him lightly, then stood. Looking down at his lap, I chuckled, “Probably should have worn black shorts for this.”

He looked down at himself, saw the wet spot on the front of his grey shorts. “Fuck, how am I supposed to get back now?”

“Well, I have an idea,” I grinned down at him. “But you’re not going to like it.” I pulled him to his feet, turning so my back was to him. I grabbed his arms wrapping them around my waist. I walked toward the water, “Come on, lover, let’s get you wet.”

He tried to pull back from me, but I held onto him tightly, pulling us toward the water. When we got close he laughed, picked me up, and jumped into the pond with me in his arms. I sputtered to the surface, wiping the water out of my eyes. He came up, laughing again. I splashed water at him. He waded over to me, pulling me against his chest, “I love you, iubita.”

“I love you, too. Now let’s get out of this filthy water and go back to Stark Tower.”

When we got back, Tony had a pensive look on his face. He took in our appearance and sighed, “We don’t have time for this, guys. Fury wants Bucky and Steve for an op, and he wants them now.”

“Not me?”

“Razi, I know you want to help, but Bucky made a commitment to the Avengers, you haven’t yet. As soon as you do, Fury will have you working too.” Tony looked apologetic, “Steve, Bucky, I need you guys to suit up.”

They left the room and I was standing there, soaking wet, glaring at Tony, “Really?”

“Sorry, Razi. It’s not up to me.”

“How long will they be gone?”

“A day or two, three at the most.” He sighed, “Don’t worry about it. They’ll be fine. It’s not a complicated op, Fury wants to see how Bucky works, that’s it.”

Footsteps had me looking to the side. Thor walked in, “Fair maiden, I hear that you bested Steve at a feat of speed.”

“Yeah,” I grinned. “Turns out, I am faster than him.”

“That is most excellent news. I have beaten him in tests of strength, but not in speed. Not without Mjolnir.” He smiled at me, “How would you like to visit Asgard? Tony informed me of their mission. I believe that now would be an excellent time to visit. Take your mind off their parting.”

“Asgard?” I thought about it for a second, “You know what, I would love to go with you, Thor. Just let me go get changed.”

I ran down to Steve’s apartment, pushing open the door. Steve came out of the bathroom wearing only a towel, his hair damp. I couldn’t help it, I stared at his chest, admiring the way his muscles moved beneath his skin. My eyes went up to his, “Hello, lover.”

He dropped the towel, pulling on a pair of boxer briefs. As he slipped into his suit, he watched me watching him, “I’m sorry you can’t come with us.”

“It’s okay.” I shrugged, “Thor is going to take me to Asgard while you guys are on the mission.” I looked around, “Where’s Bucky?”

“He’s getting our gear, I’m meeting him on the main floor.” Steve put on his boots and came over to me. He put his hands on my shoulders, leaning down to place a soft kiss to my lips, “Have fun with Thor. Bring us back some mead.”

“Sure thing, lover.”

I took a quick shower before putting on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Boots completed my outfit, and I headed back to the main floor. When I saw Thor, I smiled, “Ready to go?”

We went to just outside of town, to a plot of land Tony had purchased specifically for Thor to use as a waypoint for the light bridge. This way, no unsuspecting civilians would stumble across the burn marks on the ground. Thor had already had that problem with Jane and Darcy, not to mention the government.

One night when I couldn’t sleep, I had found Thor drinking mead in the bar room. He was a bit drunk and decided that he wanted to tell me everything about Jane. He had told me about their whirlwind courtship, about their torrid affair. When Thor’s father had died, the mantle of rulership had fallen onto him. As a human, Jane couldn’t handle the distance between them, choosing to end their relationship instead of trying to make it work. Thor told me how lonely he was without her, but that he was hopeful that one day he would find the one meant for him.

When the light bridge came to pick us up, it was bright and terrifying, but exhilarating at the same time. He led me down to the castle, “Walk around, enjoy Asgard. I must look after a few things, but when I’m done I will show you some of my favorite places.”

After he left, I started walking around. The Asgardians ignored me, giving me a wide berth. The fact that people avoided me always bothered me after leaving HYDRA. Natasha had the same problem. She told me that becoming an assassin, killing people, changed the very foundation of who we were as people. It made us more frightening to people on a visceral level. She told me that I would get used to it. I haven't yet, and I'm fairly certain I never will.

I had been walking around for about an hour when a hand grabbed my arm. I turned and saw an old woman, her eyes completely white. She grinned, “I know you, Katerina Elena Markov. Ai suferit mult în viața ta, micuță moarte. ( _You have suffered much in your life, little death._ )”

“How do you know me?” I looked down at her, confused. “I don’t remember you.”

“I do not know you the way you think, Katerina, Războinic.” She let go of my arm, “I have seen you. The pain you endured, the love that you found, lost, and found again. Your boys are very strong, they love you more than even you know.”

“I…”

“What would you give up for that which you wish for?”

“I don’t understand,” I frowned.

“A child.” The old woman touched my stomach, “What would you give up in order to have children? Would you give up your boys? Your life? Your strength?”

A tear rolled down my chin, “I want children more than anything in this world, but I will not give up my life. Nor will I give up Steve or Bucky. They are the only good thing in my life. I will not give them up just to have a child.” Another tear joined the first, “It doesn’t matter, I can’t have children. They did something to me. Something that…”

“Made you sterile. I know, Katerina.” She reached up, caressing my cheek, “If you had said you would give them up for a child, I would know that you were not worthy. The three of you were meant to be. The strings of fate brought you together.” Once more, she touched my stomach, “If I were to tell you that there was a way for you to have a child, would you take it?”

“What would I have to give up?”

“Nothing. This is a gift.” She pulled a bottle out of her pocket, placing it in my hand, “If each of you drinks from this, you will have one hour. You must be with them, at the same time. If you do this, you will have twins. One child for each of your lovers.”

“But I can’t have children.”

“This is magic, Războinic. Magic that will give you the chance to do the one thing you thought you never could. All you have to do is believe it is possible. Believe, and be with your boys at the same time.”

“Exactly the same time?” My eyebrows met as I frowned, “I don’t understand.”

She laughed and waggled her eyebrows, “It matters not which hole, Katerina. The magic does not need them in your…” She looked down at my hips, “All it needs is for them to spill their seed in you within moments of one another. If you complete this, you will have two children grow inside you. One will be fathered by James Buchanan Barnes, the other by Steven Grant Rogers.”

“Why are you doing this for me?”

“In my time here, I have seen many things,” she pointed at her white eyes. “Not in the way that you see them, but through dreams. For the last seventy years, since I was a young girl, I have seen visions of you. From your time on stage to your capture, to when you became Little Death. Fate has not always been kind to you, my child. I have seen how they tortured you, the things they did. I could never do anything to stop it, my visions always came too late. But this time, I have seen a possible future. In this possible future, my king finds the one he is meant to be with. All of this is because of you. I wanted you to have something in return.”

“And all I have to do is have the three of us drink this, then sleep with them?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you,” I gave her a hug.

“No, thank you.”

“Katerina,” Thor’s voice boomed. I looked over to see him walking toward me, “Are you having an enjoyable time?”

“Yes, I was just talking to…” I looked over and she was gone. “There was an elderly woman with white eyes.”

“Ahh, Tatiana. She has been here for a long time.” Thor gave me a serious look, “Did she say something to offend you, Katerina?”

“No, nothing like that.” I shook my head, “She just… she told me that she saw things about my life. She knew my name. She told me something.” I showed him the vial, “She gave me this, told me it would…”

“No, do not tell me. Tatiana is a seer, a witch woman. My father brought her here from Earth, around one hundred years ago. She had a gift, one that ostracized her from the village she grew up in. Here, in Asgard, she had a chance to flourish.” He gave me a small smile, “If she gave you that potion for something, do not tell anyone what it is for. It will not work if anyone other than yourself knows.”


	21. Chapter 21

The vial stayed hidden in a drawer amongst my clothes for a week. I spent a lot of time thinking, trying to decide what to do. Thor had told me not to tell anyone, so I knew that meant Bucky and Steve as well. But I had promised to tell them everything. It was a conundrum that I couldn’t wrap my head around. How did I lie to them, only to give them something good?

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I went and found Natasha. She was at the gun range, practicing. I watched her for a few minutes until she took off her ear protection. When she turned around, she smiled, “Katerina.”

“I need to ask you something, Nat.” My tone was serious, so she nodded, “I can’t give you all the details, but I really need some advice.” She led me to a table and we sat down, “I found out something while I was in Asgard. I was told that I had a chance for something that I want terribly to come true. But in order to do it, I have to deceive Bucky and Steve. Thor told me that if I told anyone, even him, that it wouldn’t happen. I promised them, Nat. I promised them that I would never hurt them again deliberately.”

A tear rolled down my cheek that she wiped away, “Can you give me more information? Will this hurt them?”

“God no. I think it’s something that would make them happy.” I gulped, “At least, I’m pretty sure it would make them happy.”

“But you have to lie to them in order for it to happen.”

“A seer in Asgard told me that she had seen the future. And it was a good future, Nat. Something I never thought I could have.” Another tear traced a path down my cheek, “I don’t think I can lie to them, Nat. It could destroy everything we’ve built together.”

She took my hands in hers, “Alright, you haven’t given me much to go on. But I know Steve, and I’m getting to know Bucky. If this thing is as good as you say, I wouldn’t think of it as a lie. Think of it as an omission.” She gave me a look that silenced my argument, “I know you have started to tell them everything. But if this truly won’t happen if you tell them, don’t. They might be mad for a second, but I know them, Katerina. They love you so much. If it is a truly good thing, they will be happy.”

“I’m scared, Nat.”

“I know,” she squeezed my hands before letting go. “Do you know how long it took Bruce before I would let him into my heart. Years. Years of him waiting for me to feel like I deserved happiness. You deserve this Katerina. Because of you, HYDRA is no longer in SHIELD. Because of you, Steve found Bucky again. Because of you, he’s happy. Something good will never make you lose them, I promise.”

“What if you’re wrong?”

“I’m not. They love you, they would die for you.” She gave me a huge smile, then stood, “Now, go do whatever it is you need to. I swear to you, if Thor vouches for this woman, nothing bad will come of it.”

“Thank you, Nat.”

I went back up to the apartment to get things ready for tonight. I got out three glasses, pouring equal parts of the vial in each. Then, I filled them the rest of the way with mead from Asgard. The boys would be home any minute, so I knew I didn’t have long.

I rushed into the bedroom and put on a negligee that I had purchased to surprise them with. It was blue, the color of my boy's eyes. It was lacy and short, a tiny thong the only thing on my bottom half. I put it on, then brushed out my hair. When I had tried to cut it, both Bucky and Steve had fought me on it. Saying that they loved the length. We had compromised. It still went a fair way down my back, but it was several inches shorter.

When I heard the door open, I headed out to the living room. The boys were laughing until they saw me. Then their eyes went up and down my body, mouths open in shock. I sauntered over, picked up two of the glasses and handed them each one. I picked up my own, “Have I told you guys lately how much I love you?”

As I took a sip, they did as well. Steve smiled, “What’s the occasion, iubita?”

“Nothing special,” I drank my beer and potion mixture down until it was gone. “Go ahead, drink up.” They each took a sip. I was starting to get a little anxious, but I hid it from them.

“Are you trying to get us drunk?” Bucky asked, a grin on his face.

“No, love. One glass won’t get you guys drunk, you know that.” I smiled, “Just drink up, please. Then I have something I want to ask you guys.”

They downed the mixture, then put the glasses on the counter. Steve pulled me into his arms, hands on my ass. He kissed me lightly, “You look gorgeous, by the way.”

“Exactly what Steve said.” Bucky moved behind me, his hands resting on my hips. He placed a kiss on my neck, “You look good enough to eat.”

I could feel both of them growing hard against me, so I wiggled my hips, eliciting a groan from each of them. “I want to try something new today. Something that we’ve talked about, but never done.”

Steve sounded surprised, “Are you talking about…” I just nodded and he grinned, “So who gets which position?”

“I figured you guys could pick.”

Steve laughed, “Baby girl if you don’t think we’ve discussed this, you would be wrong.”

“Oh, so you already know who gets top and who gets bottom?” I asked cheekily, moving my hips against them again. “Are you going to let me in on the plan?”

Bucky kissed my neck, then my ear. He whispered against my ear, “We fought over who got your ass first, iubita. Do you want to know who won?” He moved his hands, lifting Steve’s until they were on my hips. His moved down to my ass, one finger rubbing between my cheeks, “Can you guess?”

“Fuck,” I groaned when his finger touched my asshole. One of my hands went behind me so I could rub Bucky’s cock, the other in front of me so I could touch Steve. “I want you both, now. I can’t wait.” I quoted Top Gun, “Take me to bed, or lose me forever.”

Steve looked down at me, clearly annoyed, “Why did Tony think it was a good idea to bring you up to speed on movies? You know, that’s not something that would generally make a man want to be with you.”

“Oh, come on,” I lifted my arms up, wrapping them around his neck. I pulled his face down, kissing him deeply, “You know you love me.”

Steve picked me up in his arm, earning a groan from Bucky. He ignored it and carried me into the bedroom. When he set me down, he gently lowered me to my feet. His hands moved to my breasts, squeezing them as his thumbs rubbed my nipples. I moaned, moving my hands to his belt.

“Uh-uh, baby girl. Tonight is about you,” Bucky grabbed my hands, bringing them behind my back. His mouth attacked my neck, teeth biting into my flesh.

When Steve disappeared from in front of me, I stuck out my lower lip, pouting. Bucky held my arms tight with one hand, the other came down hard on my ass. I jumped, “No pouting, iubita. Just watch Steve.” Steve started taking off his clothes. As his shirt came off, Bucky whispered in my ear, “Look at his body, iubita. The muscles moving as he raises and lowers his arms. Watch his hands, the hands that caress you, unbuckle his belt, pushing his pants down his legs.”

Bucky groaned, grinding himself against my ass, “Fuck, he looks so good, cock jutting out from his hips. Watch his hand as he strokes himself.”

I moaned, “Please.”

Steve laid down on the bed, then crooked a finger at me. Bucky released me so I went to him, straddling his hips. Before I could lower myself onto his cock, Bucky smacked my ass, “Not yet, beautiful. Just sit there and lean forward like a good little girl.”

I did as he asked. When I heard the lube bottle click open, I moaned. Bucky’s fingers teased at my hole before pushing one finger in. The cold lube caused me to gasp, but it felt so good. I started to move, pushing his finger deeper inside of me. Steve grabbed my head, bringing my mouth to his so he could kiss me.

He inserted another finger, stretching me out. It burned but in a good way. Scissoring them in and out of me, he opened me up, then inserted another. “Fuck, I need you guys inside of me, now.”

Bucky’s fingers disappeared and Steve lifted my hips, slipping his cock into my wet pussy. I moaned as I sunk down. He lifted his hips, fucking me for a minute while Bucky used the lube on his cock. When Steve held my hips in place even when I tried to move, I knew what was coming. Steve held my face so I was looking at him, “We can stop at any time, baby girl. Just say the word.”

The head of Bucky’s cock pressed into my ass and I moaned, trying to move back to impale myself on it. Bucky groaned, “She’s so tight. I can feel your cock inside of her.”

“Finish, Bucky.” Steve groaned, “I don’t know how long I’ll last.”

“No, we have to come together.” I pushed hard, forcing Bucky’s cock into me. When he was fully inside of me, I sat there, enjoying the sensation of having my boys both inside of me at once. Slowly, I started to move up and down, fucking them both at the same time.

Bucky gripped my hips tight enough to leave bruises. One of Steve’s hands went between us to rub my clit. “You ready, Steve?” Bucky’s hands clenched on my hips. Steve nodded, “Alright, let’s give the lady what she wants.”

They started fucking me, in and out. One would push in, while the other pulled out. I was awash with sensation, the feeling almost too much to handle. I could feel myself getting close, “Please, come with me. I want you both to come with me.”

They started fucking me harder and I came, stars exploding behind my eyes. As I came, one after the other, Bucky and Steve came as well, pressing their cocks deep into me. When we could breathe again, Bucky slid out of me, falling onto the bed. I laid on top of Steve, his softening cock still inside of me. He lifted me up just enough that he could pull out, but held me to his chest.

I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh. The boys looked at me like I was crazy, “That was fucking awesome. We have to do that again sometime.” I pressed a kiss to Steve’s lips, then looked over at Bucky. I couldn’t reach his lips without moving from my man pillow, so I grabbed his metal hand and pressed a kiss to his palm, “I love you guys, so fucking much.”

“We love you too, iubita.” Bucky moved and gave me a soft kiss. Then he looked down at Steve, a soft look in his eyes, “I love you, too.” He gave Steve a gentle kiss, “I have never been happier than I am in this moment. I have everything I ever wanted. Katerina and you in my life. I can’t imagine how it could get any better.”

I wanted to tell him, to spill everything. But I kept it buried inside, not knowing how long I had to keep everyone in the dark. I just hoped that I would find out soon if I was pregnant so I could tell them. Keeping secrets, lying, that is what got me in trouble the last time. I just hoped that the outcome was truly worth the risk.

I yawned, “I’m just gonna lay right here on top of Steve, just for a few minutes.”

Steve’s hand rubbed up and down my back, “You stay there for as long as you want, iubita. As long as you want.”


	22. Chapter 22

Six weeks passed and I was starting to think that Tatiana had been wrong. Nothing felt different. I hadn’t had a period in years, not since HYDRA sterilized me. So I couldn’t even use that as a barometer for if I were pregnant or not. On top of everything else, I still hadn’t decided what to do about SHIELD and the Avengers. Bucky and Steve tried to convince me that I should, but I still couldn’t decide.

We were in the dining room when Steve brought out his famous stew. He wouldn’t tell anyone exactly what was in it, but everyone loved it. He set the pot down on the table and started dishing out bowls to each of us. When he put the bowl down in front of me, I took a big whiff and started to feel nauseous. My hand flew up to my mouth and I pushed back the chair standing.

Everyone looked at me. Steve looked concerned, “Katerina, are you okay?”

I just shook my head, backing up. I could still smell the stew. Bile started to rise up the back of my throat and I ran to the bathroom. I made it just in time to throw up in the toilet. The door opened behind me. A gentle hand touched my back. “Katerina, are you okay?” Natasha’s voice was soothing.

I spit into the toilet and shook my head. “The smell, I don’t know why the smell just got…” My eyes got wide, “Oh fuck. Remember when I told you that I couldn’t tell Bucky and Steve about something, and then something good would happen?” I laid a hand on my stomach as she nodded, “I think I’m pregnant.”

“What?” she yelled.

A knock sounded at the door. Steve’s voice was worried, “Are you guys okay in there?”

“We’re fine, Steve, go back to dinner,” Natasha said. She turned back to me, “I thought you were sterilized.”

“I was… am… Can we just get Bruce and have him do a test. Just tell everyone that I think I have the flu. No one will want to get sick. And tell the boys… tell them to just keep eating. I’ll be fine.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure you don’t want them there?”

“I don’t know. But I need to know before I tell them. Please Nat,” I pleaded.

“Fine, head down to the infirmary, I’ll get Bruce.”

I waited down in the infirmary for ten minutes before Bruce and Natasha showed up. Bruce had a worried look on his face, “Nat said you were sick?”

“She didn’t tell you?” I shook my head. Softly, I said, “I think I might be pregnant.”

“I thought you were…” he started.

“Just, take my blood or whatever you need to do to test. I’ll tell you guys what happened while we wait for the answer.”

Bruce went to a cart and took out a pregnancy test, “Go to the bathroom and pee on this.”

“Really? That’s it?” I was surprised.

“If it says no, I’ll do a blood test.” He pushed the box into my hands, “Pee on the stick and bring it out. We’ll wait and find out together.”

I did as he asked, then came back out with it in my hand. Bruce took it from me, setting it down on a table and turning on a timer, “So, why do you think you’re pregnant?”

“Well, it all started when I went to Asgard,” I told them both the story of Tatiana and what she told me. Everything she told me, “I know I was sterilized, but she made it sound like it was possible. Said it was magic.” The timer went off and we all looked at the table. I closed my eyes, “Please, what does it say?”

Natasha said softly, “It says you're pregnant.”

My eyes snapped open, “Really?” She nodded and I started crying. I laid a hand on my stomach, “I’m having a baby?”

“From what you tell me, you’re having two,” Bruce said matter-of-factly. “Although, it is scientifically impossible that they could have both impregnated you. Especially if they were in two different…”

Natasha slapped a hand over his mouth, “Don’t say it, Bruce.” When she removed the hand, he was silent, “It’s magic, baby. Magic has no rules.” She turned to me, “Are you going to tell them?”

“Yes. But I don’t know how. Do I just go up to them and say sorry I lied to you, but congrats you’re going to be daddies? What if they hate me for not telling them the truth?”

“Then you will tell them that if you told them, it wouldn’t have happened. I’m sure they will understand,” she sounded so certain I almost believed her. “Come on,” she held out her hand which I took, “let’s go tell everyone. Maybe if you do it with an audience, they won’t be able to freak out as much.”

She held my hand the entire way back to the main floor, all the way to the dining room. She was being my rock, and I appreciated that. Clearing her throat, all the guys looked at her, “Everyone, Katerina has some news she would like to share.”

“Iubita?” Bucky looked at me, concerned.

I just smiled and started crying. I released Natasha’s hand and brought both of my hands to my stomach. But I couldn’t stop crying long enough to tell them my news. Bucky was on me in a second, pulling me into his arms. His hands rubbed my back, trying to calm me down. I took a few deep breaths, then pushed him away. Steve was standing right behind him, looking even more concerned than when I threw up.

I smiled at both of them as I rubbed my stomach. “So, um… I don’t know how to say this.”

“Just say it,” Natasha whispered loudly.

“Come on, Razi,” Tony shouted from the table. “We all want to know.”

I looked at each of my boys in turn, “I’m… I’m pregnant.”

“Wait? You’re what now?” Tony sounded stunned.

But I didn’t care what he said, I was more interested in Bucky and Steve’s reactions. The looks on their faces went from shock to disbelief, to pure joy. While Bucky’s stayed on pure joy, Steve’s morphed into one of anger. His hands clenched into fists as he clenched his jaw, “I thought we had talked about this, Katerina.”

I reached out to him, “Steve…”

“No, Katerina. I told you that I didn’t care if I had children because of how I was when I was sickly. You told me you couldn’t have children. Asked me if I was okay with it.” His eyes narrowed, “Did you lie to me?”

“I…” I started to cry again.

Natasha walked up behind me, wrapping her arm around my waist, “She’s pregnant you asshole. And she didn’t lie to you about not being able to conceive. Maybe you should let her talk before you bite her head off. Stress isn’t good for her or the babies.”

“Babies?” Bucky sounded awed. He placed a hand over mine, right on my stomach, “As in, more than one.”

I nodded. Through my tears, I managed to say, “Twins.” Steve glared at us both and turned to leave. I pulled away from both Bucky and Natasha, walked over to the table, grabbed a roll and threw it at him. It smacked him right in the back of the head. He turned around, astonished. “Don’t you dare fucking walk away from me, Steven Grant Rogers. I am not having these babies without you. You helped put them inside of me, you don’t get to not be a part of their life.”

I walked over to him, placing a hand on his chest. Softly so no one else heard, “They will be healthy, Steve. I was... am sterile, I promise you. I went to Asgard, a seer gave me a potion. That’s why we… you know, a few weeks ago. We all had to come together, both of you inside of me.” I grabbed his hand, placing it on my stomach, “One of the children in here is yours, the other is Buckys. It’s a gift, Steve.”

“But, you knew how I felt. Why did you do this?”

“Steve, I remember exactly what you said. One of the things you said was, ‘would I love to have a child, yes.’ That’s what you said. You also said you were okay with never having one.” I leaned against him, wrapping my arms around his stomach, “If you really don’t want any part of this, I won’t blame you. But please, don’t be mad at me. I couldn’t tell you about the potion, or it wouldn’t have worked.”

“Potion?” Bucky said from behind me.

I turned, “Maybe we should just go tell everyone.”

“Already doing that, Katerina,” Natasha yelled.

Since Natasha was already informing everyone how a sterilized woman could be pregnant with twins, I gave Bucky and Steve both a quick synopsis of the story. I buried my face in Steve’s chest, not wanting to see if either of them were mad at me for lying to them.

Bucky laid a hand on my back, “Iubita, look at me.” I turned my head and saw the huge smile on his face, “I’m not mad at you. Not even a little bit. We’re having a baby.”

“Two, actually,” Steve said. He sounded much calmer. When I looked up at him, he seemed happy, “I’m sorry, Katerina. I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you. I was just shocked. I’m going to be the best damn father out there to the little tykes inside of you.”

“Don’t forget about me,” Bucky whined.

“Sorry, one of the best fathers out there.” Steve pulled Bucky into the hug, “So, I think we should make this official.”

“Make what official?” I couldn’t help but feel confused. It’s not like we could make having a baby more official.

“Us. The three of us, together.”

I pulled out of their arms and looked between them. They both looked so hopeful, “Guys, polygamy is illegal.”

“We know, iubita,” Bucky had a smile on his face. “We’ve figured it out.”

“You guys have talked about this?”

“You were gone for a month, Katerina, of course, we talked about this,” Steve turned my face so I was looking at him. “We decided that if you would say yes to marrying us, that Bucky would get to marry you legally since you loved him first.”

“And then, we would ask Thor to marry the three of us in a traditional Asgardian handfasting ceremony,” Bucky finished. “We want to spend forever with you, iubita. And now that you are having our babies, we want that even more.”

They both got down on one knee. Steve grinned, “Katerina Elena Markov, will you do us the utmost pleasure and become our wife?”

“Say yes,” Tony yelled.

“I’m getting to it,” I yelled back. I turned to my boys, tears in my eyes, “Yes, I will marry you.”

They stood up and Bucky pulled me into his arms, spinning me around, “She said yes.”

“Don’t get too excited boys,” Natasha laughed. “You have to plan a wedding now. And in about nine months, you’re going to have two babies to take care of too.”

Both Steve and Bucky got immediately scared looks on their faces. Steve arched his eyebrow at Natasha, “I didn’t think the guys planned the weddings, they just show up. Right?”

Natasha laughed, “I get that you guys grew up in the 1920s, but still.” She sighed, “Are you really going to make Katerina do everything? She is pregnant after all.”

“I’m not an invalid, Nat,” I glared. “I don’t mind planning it.”

She sighed, sounding exasperated, “I know you grew up in the 1920s too, that doesn’t mean that misogynistic idea of gender roles has any place in this.”

“Nat,” I waited patiently until I knew she was paying attention to me. “I don’t mind planning it. Not because I’m a woman, because I know for a fact that I can do anything they can, sometimes better. We proved that a few weeks ago. I’m not a part of the Avengers yet. And now that I’m pregnant, I can’t imagine Fury sending me out on missions. This will give me something to do. Besides, it’s going to be a small thing. At least the Earth wedding. I don’t know what an Asgardian handfasting ceremony entails.”

“You’ll have to ask Thor about that.” Natasha smiled, “If you insist on planning it, we should get you some help.”

“How hard can it be to plan a wedding?”

Tony came up, took out his wallet, and handed me a black credit card, “Take this, Razi. Buy whatever you need for the wedding.” I took it, giving him a grateful look, “Just don’t buy an island. Pepper gets mad when I do things like that.”

“Tony, you don’t have to pay,” Steve said. “I have money.”

“Nonsense, Cap. You have two kids to think about. Nannies, college, cars, and diapers. Don’t forget the diapers.” He patted Steve on the back, “Besides, it makes me happy to do this. So let me.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not arguing.” I gave Tony a hug, “Thanks. Do you think we could have the wedding here?”

 

“Hello, Peter Parker speaking,” a young voice said after picking up the phone.

I smiled, running a hand over my stomach, “Mr. Parker, my name is Katerina Markov. I found a flyer that had your name and number on it. Said that you do photography?”

“Yes, ma’am.” His voice rose with excitement, “Were you thinking about booking me for something?” I couldn’t help it, I chuckled. His voice fell, “I’m sorry. I’ve been told I get ahead of myself sometimes.”

“No, please, don’t worry,” I said quickly. “I want to hire you.”

“Do you want to see my pictures first?” his voice got a little more hopeful.

“Mr. Parker, I’m going to be honest with you. I looked you up on the Google. I’ve seen the pictures you’ve taken of Spiderman for your local paper. You are a fabulous photographer.”

“I… uh…” he gulped. “Are you sure you don’t want a close up of my other work? Something that doesn't involve... him.”

I sighed, “I don’t need it.” I took a second to formulate my next words, “I’ve looked at your photographs Mr. Parker. I’ve seen how close you get to Spiderman. There is no way that he would let you take those photos if you could not be trusted.”

“Ma’am?”

“I am getting married, soon hopefully.” I rubbed my growing belly absently, “And what I really need is someone I can trust to take pictures during the ceremony and reception. Someone who won’t sell the pictures to the National Enquirer.”

“I would never,” he sounded outraged. “I promise, ma’am, I would never even dream of doing something like…”

“I know, Mr. Parker. And that is why I want to hire you.” I paused, taking a deep breath, “The wedding is going to be at Start Tower. There will be several high profile people in attendance, so you will need to be discreet about the details of the event.”

“Mr. Stark?” the kid sounded awed. “He’s my hero.”

“Tony is not my future husband,” I laughed. “I don’t think his current wife would like that too much. Just… I’ll email you the details of the event. It will be in two weeks from Friday. Is that okay with you Mr. Parker?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He gulped again, “And please, call me Peter.”

“Sure thing, Peter. I look forward to meeting you.”

As I hung up the phone, someone started to chuckle. I looked over and saw Tony leaning against a wall, “Peter Parker, really?”

“I like his photographs. Plus, he seems discrete.”

Tony had a knowing look in his eye, “Don’t worry, he’ll be perfect.”


	23. Chapter 23

The day of the wedding, my stomach was in knots. I didn’t know why I was nervous. I was marrying one of the loves of my life. I rubbed my growing baby bump, “Hello, darlings. I don’t know if you can hear me yet, but I’m marrying one of your daddies today. It’s a big day for us all.”

A knock sounded at the door to the apartment. I walked over, wearing only my robe, and opened the door. Steve stood there, looking extraordinarily handsome in his military uniform. I pulled him to me, kissing him deeply. He placed a hand on my stomach and sighed, “Katerina, I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Steve.” My voice grew sad, “I wish I could marry both of you legally.”

“Hey, none of that now.” He tilted my head up to look at him, “Bucky and I knew we couldn’t both marry you. We made the decision that he would marry you because you loved him first. That’s all. Our relationship isn’t any less than yours and Bucky’s, simply because we don’t have a legal binding. Once we go to Asgard, our relationship will be bound in ways that Earth cannot even dream of accomplishing.”

A tear rolled down my cheek and I smiled, “Thanks, love. You know just what to say to make me smile.”

“Te iubesc, iubita,” his accent was near perfect. He and Bucky had been working on his Romanian, especially since we would sometimes fall back into the habit without even realizing it.

There was another knock at the door. A timid voice called out, “Miss Markov… It’s Peter… Peter Parker. I’m here to take pictures if you want.” Steve opened the door and Peter’s mouth fell open in shock, “You’re… you’re… you’re Captain America.”

Steve sighed, but kept a smile on his face, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Peter.” He turned back to me, “Do you need help getting into your dress, iubita?”

“No.” I gave him a gentle kiss, “Go help Bucky finish getting ready. Te iubesc.”

After he left, Peter still looked shocked, “Are you marrying Captain America?”

“No,” I smiled and shook my head. “I’m marrying Bucky Barnes.”

“But you two…”

Cutting him off, I gave him a look, “Peter, this is one of those things I told you I needed discretion on. We’re not a typical relationship. Steve and Bucky are my life partners, but I’m marrying Bucky today.”

He nodded, “No, I understand. Completely understand.” His words came out fast, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that I thought there was anything weird with it. It’s just… I wanted to make sure you weren’t marrying him because the groom isn’t supposed to see the bride before the wedding.”

“No harm done,” I waved at my robe. “So, how do we do this?”

As I got ready, Peter took a lot of pictures. None when I was changing, I made him leave the room for that. But while I brushed out my hair then took two small braids from each side to hold it back, and while I put on some lip gloss, he took plenty. He even apologized for taking so many but said that he wanted to make sure he had a good one.

Because of my pregnancy belly, I was six months along, My dress was empire waisted and trailed on the floor. It was a simple white material, in the style of old Grecian gowns. I had always loved that era of clothes, and this style of dress showed off my bump extremely well. A pair of simple sandals and I was ready to go.

We were getting married in Tony’s grand hall. It was a huge open room with hardwood floors, a grand staircase at one end that led up to a private area where I would be walking down from, and a huge chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I hadn’t let Tony decorate the room, seeing as how there would be less than twenty people.

Tony had volunteered to officiate and Steve was walking me down the stairs to Bucky. The only people that were going to be there were my new family, the Avengers, and Fury of course. I had Peter look inside to make sure Bucky wasn’t there, then scampered my way up the stairs.

Steve met me at the top. When his eyes met mine, I heard Peter snap a photo. I smiled, pulled Steve to me and kissed him, “How did I get so lucky, Steve?”

“I think the real question is, how did Bucky get so lucky?” He laughed, “Bucky and I are so fucking lucky to have you in our lives.” He placed a hand on my belly, “Our children are going to grow up so loved, they won’t know any different. You have my word on that.”

The music started to play and I shooed Peter down the stairs. I wanted to get a good picture of Steve and I coming down together. My eyes welled with tears so I looked up, trying to hold back the tears until after we had said our vows. I knew I was going to cry, my pregnancy hormones were all over the place.

Steve took my arm in his and we walked down the stairs. We paused at the top and I saw all my friends looking at me, huge smiles on their faces. When I saw Bucky, I couldn’t help the tear that fell. He was in his military uniform as well. Tony had both of them specially made so they could wear them today. They looked just like the photos I saw of them when they were in the military.

We walked down the stairs. I managed to not fall on my face, mainly because I had opted for sandals instead of heels. As I neared the bottom of the stairs, I saw that Bucky’s eyes shone bright with unshed tears. When I reached him, I grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.

Steve, Bucky and I turned to face Tony. “Well, we can skip the whole ‘who gives this woman away’ because Steve isn’t giving her to Bucky, he gets to keep her too.” We all laughed, “The whole point of this affair is to bring these two wonderful people together, legally bound so they can’t run away anymore when things get hard. Because guys, with twins on the way, life is going to get a lot harder.”

I turned to Steve, pulled his head down to mine and kissed his lips gently. I whispered so only he could hear me, “Thank you.”

Steve smiled and went to join the others. I turned back to Bucky, taking both of his hands in mine. Tony said, “We don’t have a long ceremony planned. Katerina and Bucky wanted a simple wedding. One with their friends… their family there to witness them. After this, we have a way to travel, so we’re gonna keep it brief.” He looked to Steve, “Rings?”

Steve took a box out of his pocket, handing it to Tony. Our rings were simple bands, engraved with only our initials and Steve’s, as well as today’s date. However, Tony had made them special for us, out of vibranium. Part of his 'special project' he wouldn't tell anyone about. Tony took the rings out, handing Bucky’s to me and mine to Bucky. “Now, the bride and groom have written their own vows, so I’m just gonna shut up for a couple of minutes.”

I laughed and grabbed Bucky’s hand, sliding the ring into place, “Bucky, when I met you we were in a horrible place. But even through the worst of it, you always made everything better. When they did…” I stopped, not wanting to ruin our wedding. I changed up what I was planning to say, “You’ve always made me see the bright side of things. From planning on living in a cabin in the woods to helping me decorate the nursery, I couldn’t imagine life without you. From the bottom of my heart, I love you. More than I ever thought possible. You are the best thing,” I touched my belly, “okay, the second best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t wait to grow old with you.”

Bucky grabbed my hand, slipping the ring onto my finger, “Katerina, iubita, you are the love of my life. When I thought I had lost all hope, you were there, making me see that life didn’t have to be horrible. You helped me smile that first year, you helped me grieve the next. Even with everything we’ve been through, my love for you has never diminished, it has only grown stronger.” He placed his hand over mine on my belly, “Our children are a gift, one that I am humbled you would be willing to share with me. I don’t deserve your love, but I will do whatever I can, every single day for the rest of our lives to show you how much you mean to me. You are my whole world, and I love you.”

I pulled him into a hug, whispering, “You deserve everything and more, Bucky.”

Tony cleared his throat and we pulled apart, “Now, by the state of New York and the power they have given me to marry these two lovebirds, I pronounce you husband and wife.” He smiled at us, “Now kiss before Natasha starts crying.”

Laughing, our lips met and we kissed. A sweet and gentle kiss. When we pulled apart, our friends cheered. Then Bucky and I pulled Steve to us, each kissing him in turn.

A timid voice said, “Do you want a picture of the whole group?”

I turned to look at Peter, “You know what, that would be great. But first,” I reached out to him, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you for agreeing to take the pictures for today.” I whispered in his ear, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone your secret.”

“What… my secret?” he stumbled over his words.

I touched the space where his shirt wasn’t buttoned all the way, my finger hitting red fabric. I smiled and whispered, “Spiderman.”

He turned bright red, but since no one else said anything, he quickly regained his composure. But he buttoned up his shirt so no one else would find out. We took lots of pictures. Bucky and I by ourselves, with Steve, then a whole group picture. All total, we spent about an hour taking photos in various positions and with different people in them.

Thor, who had come dressed in Asgardian finery, raised his hammer, “Let the next celebration commence.”

I leaned over to Peter, “So, I forgot to tell you. We have a second ceremony planned, and it’s… kind of on Asgard. If you want to take photos of things other than the handfasting ceremony, for your personal use, I won’t be upset. I would actually love some of them if you do.”

“Asgard?” his voice was full of wonder.

“Come on, kid,” Tony threw his arm around him. “We’re gonna show you a hell of a time.”

 

Up in Asgard, there were more people there for our handfasting than I had expected. Thor told me it was because the Avengers were well-known heroes, but it still made me vaguely uncomfortable. Tatiana was unwell, so I couldn’t thank her for helping me, but a young woman had told me she would pass along my thanks.

Steve stood to my right, Bucky to my left. We were in the throne room, Thor standing on the raised dais, his hands raised into the air to quiet the crowd down. “Asgardians, today is a joyous occasion. I have been blessed to call these three friends, as well as family, and today they are here to prove their devotion to one another.” Another young woman came up, placing a purple satin ribbon is his hand, “Place your right hands on top of one another.”

The boys put my hand between theirs. Steve on the top, Bucky on the bottom. Thor began to wrap the ribbon around our hand, “Steve Rogers, James Barnes, and Katerina Markov are three of the best people I know. They stand here, before all of Asgard, to declare their love for one another. With this ceremony, they will be bound past their physical bodies. Bound long after death.”

He looked at each of us as he finished wrapping our hands, “Do you pledge to love one another? To raise each other up? To protect one another until your dying breath?”

“I do,” we said together.

“Do you promise to honor one another, no matter what? To always stand with the others, forming a strong unit?”

“I do.”

Thor grinned and stepped back onto the dais. “Asgardians, our ceremonies are usually much longer and drawn out. Sometimes, sleep-inducing,” the crowd laughed. “Today, I am honored as King of Asgard to say that these three are bound together. They have been blessed by the old gods with two children that were not meant to be. But our gods knew that these three deserved that and more. As Katerina is pregnant now with those children, I will not belabor the ceremony. But simply say, as King of Asgard, you are now husbands and wife.”

“Kiss already,” Tony yelled from the crowd. I could hear Natasha smack the back of his head from where I stood.

The boys turned, and we each kissed in turn as the crowd cheered for us. Thor came up and undid the binding, handing us the ribbon, “Take this so that you shall remember this day with fondness.” He said softer, “Thank you for letting me be a part of this.”

I reached into the pocket of my dress and pulled out a ring. Turning to Steve, I took his left hand and slipped the ring on, “There, now it’s official.”

 

“Goddammit,” I yelled as another contraction came. “I am so glad I can never do this again.”

Bucky and Steve were on either side of me, grimacing as my super strength crushed their hands. Steve said softly, “It’s okay, Katerina. Bruce said that the first one would be the hardest, then the second would come out like nothing.”

I had been pushing for what seemed like days. The serum may have made me stronger and better able to run long distances, but trying to shove a watermelon through my vagina was another thing altogether. After several more minutes of pushing, the first baby was out.

Bruce let me rest for a second while Natasha took the baby to clean. “What is it?” my voice was soft. We hadn’t wanted to know until they were born what the sexes were. We couldn’t tell from an ultrasound which child belonged to which man, so I hadn’t wanted to know if they were boys or girls.

Bruce had a huge grin, “It’s a boy. And he has a head full of blonde hair.”

“I have a boy,” Steve sounded awed.

At that moment another contraction came. Bruce got into position, “Alright, Katerina. One more push and you will have both babies out. Come on, I know you can do it.”

I pushed, using all of my strength and the second baby came out. Bruce held the baby and I could see dark hair, “It’s a girl.”

Bucky started crying quietly. I raised my hand, brushing the tears out off his cheek. My other hand, I raised and touched Steve’s cheek, “I love you guys so much.”

“We love you too, iubita,” Steve said softly.

Natasha placed the boy in my arms, then took the girl to clean. I looked down at his bright blue eyes, running my hand over his baby soft blonde hair. “Steve, he’s so beautiful. What should we name him?”

“Iubita, I know you already have names picked out.” He gave me a look, “I’m not going to make you angry by arguing. I know better by now.” He kissed my lips, then kissed his baby boy, “Besides, I’m sure that whatever you have picked will be perfect.”

I looked down at my boy again, “I was thinking Christopher.”

“What about our girl?” Bucky asked.

I looked over at him and smiled, “How does Sebastiana sound? I figured we could call her Baz, I’ve always liked that nickname.”

Natasha brought the girl over, placing her next to Christopher on my chest. Bucky placed a hand on the top of my head, “Sebastiana is perfect, iubita.”

“Alright, so we have Sebastiana Barnes and Christopher Rogers?” Bruce asked.

I nodded, and smiled down at my babies, “Chris and Baz, you guys are going to grow up so loved. You’ve got uncles who can’t wait to meet you. Uncle Clint will teach you to fire a bow, Aunt Natasha will teach you to wield a knife.”

“Um, Katerina,” Steve sounded worried. “Should we really be talking about arming babies?”

“Silly, I’m not going to arm them yet. I’ll wait at least until they can walk.”

Bucky laughed and walked around the bed, pulling Steve into his arms, “We’re fathers. Can you believe it?” He kissed him deeply. When they pulled apart, they both had tears in their eyes, “Don’t worry, Steve, our kids are going to be strong. They will be safer in here with all the guns and knives than they would anywhere else.”

“I know, I just worry.”

“Lover,” I looked at him. I wanted to reach out, but I was holding onto the twins, “Try not to worry too much. I promise that I won’t let them learn to fight until they are teenagers at least. They will get to be children.”

Steve bent down and kissed my forehead, “I know, iubita.”

The years that followed were like a dream. With two husbands and a team of people who wanted nothing more than to lavish attention on the twins, raising them was never hard. I eventually joined the Avengers, but it wasn’t until after they reached five years old. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss anything those first few years. Not like Fury ever sent me on any dangerous assignments after having them anyway.

Chris and Baz’s stories, well those are for another day. Suffice to say, my babies find happiness in the most unexpected of places. Baz most of all, I never would have guessed who she would fall in love with. It surprised everyone, especially Bucky. But they are both happy and healthy, and that is the only thing that truly matters. That they grew up loved and found love and happiness with someone they were meant to spend the rest of their lives with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Thanks to everyone who has read this story. You reading it and loving it makes this all worthwhile. I really hoped you enjoyed Katerina's journey. There is a small chance that I might write Sebastiana's story, but if I do, it won't be for a while. I will be posting more Marvel stories though. This world is just so fascinating, an endless sandbox of possibilities. Thank you again for taking this journey with me, I appreciate every single one of you who reads my stories.


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